Okay a serious question.
As one gets older, the body does not respond the way it used to.
My partner is in her early 50's, and in terrific physical shape, exercises does yoga, pilates, weights etc.
BUT along with a loss of lubrication (since menopause) there is a loss of muscle tightness, if you know what I mean.
You know what, sex s not as much a problem for me, as it is for her.
I go for a long time, since there is not adequate stimulation, to orgasm.
She can't understand why I don't cum, and perhaps feels less womanly, since I end up finishing myself off by hand, afterwards.
Yes she is not as tight as she used to be. I'm not really convinced that, since she is already doing a lot of exercise/yoga etc. that there is anything she can do about it.
I am not going anywhere and love her a lot.
I think it might simply just make her feel bad, if I raised the subject, so I have not made any plans to do so.
Still I get the questions, every time, why I didn't cum, and kind of feel bad telling the "white lie."
Should I figure out a way to tell her, or keep it to myself? I don't really want to hurt her feelings.
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Tell her or not tell, your partner, she is not "tight" anymore.
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Alpha Blonde
Sounds like she needs to do kegal exercises. I think there is a surgery you can do for this as well, but don't know much about it.
This is a tough one, honestly. It's the equivalent of a girl sitting her man down to tell him that his dick is too small. There's no 'positive' way to spin it that's going to soften the blow. You know her best though, and what her self-esteem can handle or not. Some girls are more 'matter-of-fact' about these things and would just see it as one of those inevitable things that can happen to anyone and go about looking for a solution.
I guess the key here is communication, and doing it gently and supportively and focusing more on just the physiology of both of you getting older and being open about these things. And definitely spend lots of time focusing on how your desire for her hasn't changed and that she still turns you on a lot - and that it's just a matter of friction.
This is a tough one, honestly. It's the equivalent of a girl sitting her man down to tell him that his dick is too small. There's no 'positive' way to spin it that's going to soften the blow. You know her best though, and what her self-esteem can handle or not. Some girls are more 'matter-of-fact' about these things and would just see it as one of those inevitable things that can happen to anyone and go about looking for a solution.
I guess the key here is communication, and doing it gently and supportively and focusing more on just the physiology of both of you getting older and being open about these things. And definitely spend lots of time focusing on how your desire for her hasn't changed and that she still turns you on a lot - and that it's just a matter of friction.
If it where me, I would rather know and be able to do something about it, such as kegal exercises, than have my OH put up with it in silence. It would be embarassing as well as i love to please my partner and would hate the fact that i'm not.
I think you do need to tell her but im afraid there is no easy way to do it where she isnt going to be offended, or her self esteem isnt going to take a massive nose dive. Like DD said, you know how much honesty she can take, and after you tell her I would do something nice for her so she still feels sexy and wanted by you, not that you're criticising her.
There are also devices you can buy to help. There are some kind of round silver balls that you can insert and while you're going about your day they help to strengthen your muscles as you have to hold them in. The free and cheap way is simply to squeeze the muscles together several times for a few minutes a day.
I think you do need to tell her but im afraid there is no easy way to do it where she isnt going to be offended, or her self esteem isnt going to take a massive nose dive. Like DD said, you know how much honesty she can take, and after you tell her I would do something nice for her so she still feels sexy and wanted by you, not that you're criticising her.
There are also devices you can buy to help. There are some kind of round silver balls that you can insert and while you're going about your day they help to strengthen your muscles as you have to hold them in. The free and cheap way is simply to squeeze the muscles together several times for a few minutes a day.
Gosh, I don't know that I'd want to be spoken to about it. Would feel pretty insulting....no one likes it suggested that they're 'loose' down there. However it is no doubt different for different women so all you can really do is go on whether or not you feel like she's prefer it to be brought up and talked about.
Nevermind kegal exercises/yoga etc....sling her on a horse, works wonders. No, on a more serious note, it's difficult if nothing she's doing seems to be making a difference. The 'finishing off by hand' thing can however be made a little bit more 'sexy'....have a play with it (pun intended, lol).
Nevermind kegal exercises/yoga etc....sling her on a horse, works wonders. No, on a more serious note, it's difficult if nothing she's doing seems to be making a difference. The 'finishing off by hand' thing can however be made a little bit more 'sexy'....have a play with it (pun intended, lol).
Active Ink Slinger
I dated a girl a for a few years that was not very tight. She was aware of it however so there was no awkward conversation really. she stated it the first time we had sex. I have an average size penis and it was, in her words, "reaching all the right places". I did notice after a while that positioning ourselves in certain ways did increase the amount of stimulation. I wish i could draw a picture of this but I will try to explain it in detail. Basically we would do it doggy style but.. rather than be in the ideal position for penetration (we're adults here so i wont worry about the graphic depiction) i would spread my knees apart to lower myself just a bit. I found that doing this would cause the underside of my penis to press down against her and the top of the head of my penis to press up while inside her. Also... another position that worked really well was having her lay on her side with her leg that was against the bed to be between my knees then gently bend the knee of the other leg and towards her chest. (imagine her in a stork like position but laying on her side). This basically had the same result as the above but she enjoyed this a bit more. Obviously you loose a bit of that "glove like" sensation but it worked pretty well. And just to throw it out there, have you ever tried anal sex with her? I say do whatever it takes to enjoy each other. Keep the communication open.
And don't forget what LittleBambi said about the "finish"... have some fun with that.
(after reading this back to myself I apologize if this sounds too clinical, just trying to help)
And don't forget what LittleBambi said about the "finish"... have some fun with that.
(after reading this back to myself I apologize if this sounds too clinical, just trying to help)
Active Ink Slinger
Why on Earth would you tell her? Guys, this is tantamount to a woman telling you you're just not big enough (and who knows whether this isn' t actually the crux of the issue, anyhow?). Telling her would do immeasurable damage (just as a woman telling you you're not big enough would).
Now, a little medical information about this condition: firstly, if she is so active and fit, she is actually causing herself to lose fat deposits within the vaginal canal, which easily leads to this problem. Case in point: when I was in the military, I was ridiculously fit, with a body fat percentage under ten percent. I went to the gyn and requested fitting for a diaphragm. The doctor told me they didn't have any large enough in stock and would have to special order one. I was, obviously, mortified. Sure, I'd had an eight pound baby, but how could I need that? (luckily for me, I have a tilted cervix, so it never effected sensation for my husband.) The doctor explained that they only kept smaller ones in stock because it was rare to have anyone need one that was as thin as I was. (If you've been in the military, you know what he was taking about lol). The thinner you are, the less fat accumulation in your vagina.
Your girlfriend can do Kegal exercises, which can help with the issue. They also help men, actually, so why not simply recommend to her that you both do them as a way to heighten pleasure (in addition to strengthening pelvic muscles, they are also known to a aid in increasing both blood flow and sensation)?
But either way, telling her bluntly that she isn't tight anymore is a big mistake. You will alienate her, and truthfully, who's to say she won't just decide to look for a better endowed partner who can appreciate her more (because telling her she's not tight is telling her she doesn't have what it takes to satisfy you anymore)?
Now, a little medical information about this condition: firstly, if she is so active and fit, she is actually causing herself to lose fat deposits within the vaginal canal, which easily leads to this problem. Case in point: when I was in the military, I was ridiculously fit, with a body fat percentage under ten percent. I went to the gyn and requested fitting for a diaphragm. The doctor told me they didn't have any large enough in stock and would have to special order one. I was, obviously, mortified. Sure, I'd had an eight pound baby, but how could I need that? (luckily for me, I have a tilted cervix, so it never effected sensation for my husband.) The doctor explained that they only kept smaller ones in stock because it was rare to have anyone need one that was as thin as I was. (If you've been in the military, you know what he was taking about lol). The thinner you are, the less fat accumulation in your vagina.
Your girlfriend can do Kegal exercises, which can help with the issue. They also help men, actually, so why not simply recommend to her that you both do them as a way to heighten pleasure (in addition to strengthening pelvic muscles, they are also known to a aid in increasing both blood flow and sensation)?
But either way, telling her bluntly that she isn't tight anymore is a big mistake. You will alienate her, and truthfully, who's to say she won't just decide to look for a better endowed partner who can appreciate her more (because telling her she's not tight is telling her she doesn't have what it takes to satisfy you anymore)?
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I'm a loner, Dottie. A Rebel...
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Active Ink Slinger
Kegels may not be the answer. Here is an excerpt that I read about the subject:
KB: A kegel attempts to strengthen the PF, but it really only continues to pull the sacrum inward promoting even more weakness, and more PF gripping. The muscles that balance out the anterior pull on the sacrum are the glutes. A lack of glutes (having no butt) is what makes this group so much more susceptible to PFD. Zero lumbar curvature (missing the little curve at the small of the back) is the most telling sign that the PF is beginning to weaken. Deep, regular squats (pictured in hunter-gathering mama) create the posterior pull on the sacrum. Peeing like this in the shower is a great daily practice, as is relaxing the PF muscles to make sure that you're not squeezing the bathroom muscle closers too tight. Just close them enough...An easier way to say this is: Weak glutes + too many Kegels = PFD.
Source:
I have read a few other articles on this as well, but don't have the links to them atm.
Edit: I see my link to the source won't post, I am assuming I don't have enough posts yet.
KB: A kegel attempts to strengthen the PF, but it really only continues to pull the sacrum inward promoting even more weakness, and more PF gripping. The muscles that balance out the anterior pull on the sacrum are the glutes. A lack of glutes (having no butt) is what makes this group so much more susceptible to PFD. Zero lumbar curvature (missing the little curve at the small of the back) is the most telling sign that the PF is beginning to weaken. Deep, regular squats (pictured in hunter-gathering mama) create the posterior pull on the sacrum. Peeing like this in the shower is a great daily practice, as is relaxing the PF muscles to make sure that you're not squeezing the bathroom muscle closers too tight. Just close them enough...An easier way to say this is: Weak glutes + too many Kegels = PFD.
Source:
I have read a few other articles on this as well, but don't have the links to them atm.
Edit: I see my link to the source won't post, I am assuming I don't have enough posts yet.
Active Ink Slinger
If you like getting pussy you dont because she will tear you a new asshole and she will cut you off for ages belive me i fuck up once and said as a joke but she didnt see the funny side of it and cut me off for a couple months so no dont not say anything
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by NikkiLibby
naughtiestmommy...you took the words out of my mouth!!!!! I would be insulted cause it is the same thing as telling your man that his cock is not big enough for you!!!!
Great minds think alike, pretty lady. ;)
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I'm a loner, Dottie. A Rebel...
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Active Ink Slinger
KEGALS KEGALS KEGALS.
