I would love to have a woman's honest point of view on my friendship with a work colleague.
I'm a 53 years old, very unhappily married man, who is just so deeply and madly in love with a work colleague of mine, who is in her late 30's, married, has one child and is now almost 8 months pregnant with her 2nd child.
We've worked together for almost 10 years now, and she has always known that I have had a big, big crush on her. I've always flirted a lot with her, which she seems to enjoy, and I've always told her that I love her, but always in a joking way, as I am fearful of her reaction were I to confess it to her in a very serious and sincere manner!
We are very good friends/colleagues, and I do everything I can to help and please her - though sometimes I get the impression she maybe takes advantage of this. I know she likes me as a person, but I don't necessarily think so in a romantic or sexual way. Before finding out she was pregnant again she joked about the fact that we should become casual lovers, but I didn't dare risk taking her seriously in case she was really just joking or mocking me.
Recently I also found out (she confessed it to me) that just before her getting pregnant, she had had an affair with another man, not for love but just because she just wanted to be courted, receive attention, feel young, alive and desirable again, given that her husband tended to neglect her in recent years. Her husband found out and forgave her betrayal, and now they're still together. I think another child was her husband's pre-condition for returning to her?!?
Her having had a love affair with another man, and not with me, really destroyed me deep down inside. It made me feel as if I wasn't good enough for her, and maybe that is precisely the case, after all, she is still young and beautiful and I'm maybe not up to her standards.
But I still love her profoundly, and I always will, and nothing she does could ever change that.
My question is, should I not just give up any hope of her ever loving me, and resign myself, painful as it may be for me, to the fact that we will only ever be friends???????
What is really eating me up inside is the thought of having to learn to live with myself for the rest of my life with the doubt of what might have been (but never was or perhaps was never meant to be)!!
Ps: Please tell me honestly what you think of my situation, I won't be offended if you think I'm just a silly old fool who should know better.
Hate to be harsh, but yes. Let it go. It's not going to happen. She had every opportunity to have an affair with you...yet she had it with another man. Your flirting is just that. Flirting. All women do it...usually for an ego booster. But if nothing has come of it, nothing will. And if something does happen between the two of you, it will be just a meaningless affair, and it will hurt you even more.
Thanks for being so frank, I appreciate it!! Deep down inside I know you're absolutely right!! But on the other hand, it's not so easy for the head to command the heart... but maybe it's time that I try. Grazie!!
Yes, I'd give up if I were you, and I think you're being played. She knows you want her but she's just teasing you, or keeping you on the 'fringe' of the friendship if she should want you in the future for something and I don't mean anything good. Who knows, maybe if you divorced your very unhappily married wife, you might appear more attractive to the opposite sex because you would be single.
Quote by trinket Yes, I'd give up if I were you, and I think you're being played. She knows you want her but she's just teasing you, or keeping you on the 'fringe' of the friendship if she should want you in the future for something and I don't mean anything good. Who knows, maybe if you divorced your very unhappily married wife, you might appear more attractive to the opposite sex because you would be single.
Thanks my dear for the sound advice. Women understand other women much better than we men ever will.
Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Then get those brats of hers in some kind of boarding school.
After that, you gotta go, "bitch, get your ass over here. There's a new daddy in town."
...
That booty will be yours.
Is there not a mod around to delete this post? Or the account.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Quote by Magical_felix You should murder her husband.
Quote by Naughty_Nurse You speak my mind.....
You should make it look like an accident of course Paulie. So like your babe doesn't suspect you. I didn't mean make a bloody mess, my apologies gang.
Naughty Nurse, you must have some good suggestions on how to make it look like an accident right? Something simple. You must see this kind of stuff at the hospital all the time. I was gonna suggest cutting the dudes brakes but that isn't fool proof, plus its suspicious.
Paulie, it occurs to me that you might not be down with homicide; and if you are, it's probably best that you say nothing...
But all kidding aside, I do think that the way she views you within her life is probably completely separate from who lives or dies. And based on the evidence, I wouldn't invest any further in hope that you two end up together.
Is there not a mod around to delete this post? Or the account.
Thanks so very much indeed, that really is very kind of you to want to take my defence, in the belief that the other gentleman's comments could have proven to have been somewhat offensive to me.
When I posted my message I was well aware that, inevitably, someone would try to utilise the opportunity to make some light hearted comment, which could even border on bad taste. But I think that's par for the course, and I'm sure he was just out to grab a few cheap laughs. In the end, however, I don't think he achieved his objective. And of course, as every good Englishman would know, there is a big difference between being funny and being witty!!
Thanks once again, I really appreciated your intervention. Everyone should have a friend like you!!
Defending a guy who is obsessing over a married woman that is pregnant and also his coworker and also 20 years his junior is bordering on bad taste to be honest.
Quote by LadyX Paulie, it occurs to me that you might not be down with homicide; and if you are, it's probably best that you say nothing...
But I do think that the way she views you within her life is probably completely separate from who lives or dies. And based on the evidence, I wouldn't invest any further in hope that you two end up together.
Thanks dearie for helping me get my thoughts together and putting everything into perspective. That's very sweet of you!! I know that I've only ever been deceiving myself thinking that something someday could ever have come of it. But hearing it from a woman's point of view has really helped me see things for what they really are, even though I must admit it won't be easy to let her go, which is exactly what I know I should do, I know.
Pfff you really have no sense for when you should shut the fuck up and move on. I hardly see a post of you which is nice or useful. Always making fun of others and too often simply NOT funny, but just rude and not nice at all....it's really getting old.
Quote by Magical_felix
Defending a guy who is obsessing over a married woman that is pregnant and also his coworker and also 20 years his junior is bordering on bad taste to be honest.
Hey there my love, I saw from your profile that you also happen to be a registered nurse, specialized in mental health care. Isn't there anything you can do for Magical_felix??? Or is it a lost cause???
Hey there my love, I saw from your profile that you also happen to be a registered nurse, specialized in mental health care. Isn't there anything you can do for Magical_felix??? Or is it a lost cause???
To be honest - the fact that she told you about her affair should be the big red flag for you. The fact that she had it is bad (for you), but her telling you basically says that she only sees you as a friend and isn't concerned about hurting your feelings or any resulting jealousy issues. Usually the only time we tell guys stuff like that is when we only see them in a platonic way and want guy advice or sympathy.
You need to move on emotionally. Working together is the bit that'll make it difficult but I don't see any real 'in' for you in this situation.
Quote by Naughty_Nurse Pfff you really have no sense for when you should shut the fuck up and move on. I hardly see a post of you which is nice or useful. Always making fun of others and too often simply NOT funny, but just rude and not nice at all....it's really getting old.
The best part is that everyone that reads this thread, can still tell what I said. All you did was bring it to more people's attention. Dim-wit.
I have to say I agree with the other ladies here. It's best to cut your losses before they get any worse. At best she is using you and how you feel about her. I know it's is hard to hear and even harder to do but sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it.
Thanks dearie for helping me get my thoughts together and putting everything into perspective. That's very sweet of you!! I know that I've only ever been deceiving myself thinking that something someday could ever have come of it. But hearing it from a woman's point of view has really helped me see things for what they really are, even though I must admit it won't be easy to let her go, which is exactly what I know I should do, I know.
Grazie!!
I think you already knew the answers a lot of us would give you before you even posted your questions. The fact that you came here and posted them at all tells me that. As you say, it won't be easy, particularly as you work together. I wish you good luck with this and your future.
Your married. Maybe you need to work on that. Fix your marriage or seek a divorce. THEN pursue relationships.
She doesn't take you seriously when it comes to the flirting and 'I love yous' because you're married and or because you two are coworkers, and she's married too.
She didn't consider having an affair with you because youre married and or because you're coworkers.
Her affair distraught you? How? Why? You are married. Maybe being in a broken marriage is the reason you have feelings for her. Perhaps if you worked through your broken marriage you'll find individuality, freedom, happiness and strength.
It makes no sense to WANT to be with someone (who is married) when you refuse to address your own broken relationship. How can someone advise you on how to pursue anything with her when you're not able to address problems with your wife? Is she miserable, too? Why is your marriage such a muck to you? Perhaps that needs some serious contemplation, too.
Affairs don't solve problems - they create problems.
Don't exist forever like you are now. Youre wasting your life. Time is short. Fix it or move on. Be respectful to the woman you married by leveling with her about how you feel.
LMFAO, this is it??
Sort your rude narrow minded ass out please and stop bothering so many people in here. You might think you are funny and smart. I can tell you; you are NOT.
Quote by Magical_felix
The best part is that everyone that reads this thread, can still tell what I said. All you did was bring it to more people's attention. Dim-wit.
Quote by Naughty_Nurse LMFAO, this is it??
Sort your rude narrow minded ass out please and stop bothering so many people in here. You might think you are funny and smart. I can tell you; you are NOT.
Don't you understand that what this guy is asking is completely ridiculous........ If you had half a brain you would realize that too. Look, I understand that many people on lush are slow adults, like yourself, and won't be able to read between the lines of what I say. I get that. It's no meat off my dick.
Quote by Dancing_Doll To be honest - the fact that she told you about her affair should be the big red flag for you. The fact that she had it is bad (for you), but her telling you basically says that she only sees you as a friend and isn't concerned about hurting your feelings or any resulting jealousy issues. Usually the only time we tell guys stuff like that is when we only see them in a platonic way and want guy advice or sympathy.
You need to move on emotionally. Working together is the bit that'll make it difficult but I don't see any real 'in' for you in this situation.
I must admit that I thought a lot about her having an affair with another man, and then coming to me and telling me about it, and what that implied for me. I didn't think she was the type of woman who would have betrayed her family for the sake of a bit of sex on the side - even though I always hoped that if she did ever do it, it would have been with me. I even jokingly told her so, but she just laughed it off. I know you're 100% right and that she only sees me as a friend/colleague. Of course, it's gonna be tough working in the same office together. I suppose it won't be a physical detachment that I have to make but certainly an emotional break-away.
HAHAHAH, this reply just shows your narrow minded simple arse.
Why do you call this a ridiculous question?
How arrogant can you be?
If you only had 10% of my lovely brain you would know you are out of line 90% of your posts.
That dick of yours is completaly uninteresting but I think your brain lives in there. So again; shut the fuck up and leave us smart asses alone because we really dont need you. You think you are a 'fast' guy, but you really make a fool out of yourself, nothing more...sorry dude
Quote by Magical_felix
Don't you understand that what this guy is asking is completely ridiculous........ If you had half a brain you would realize that too. Look, I understand that many people on lush are slow adults, like yourself, and won't be able to read between the lines of what I say. I get that. It's no meat off my dick.
Quote by bookworm_sue I have to say I agree with the other ladies here. It's best to cut your losses before they get any worse. At best she is using you and how you feel about her. I know it's is hard to hear and even harder to do but sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it.
I must say, the unanimous opinions expressed by all you ladies have really convinced me that I have been fooling myself for so long!! I suppose deep down it's not such a surprise. I kind of realised it myself already, but I've never really been very good at deciphering women's behaviour, trying to understand what they are really trying to say.
Your comment was really helpful to me, thanks. Paulie
Why the fuck do you call this a ridiculous question?
He's fifty something.
He is married and obsessing over another married coworker who is thirty something.
This coworker is pregnant.
She is obviously not interested in him.
She probably told him she cheated to make him 'get' it that he is bothering her and doesn't have a chance.
She has to work in the same office as him, how uncomfortable must that be? He probably leers at her and he even admitted to "jokingly" saying I love you to her often... Wow, creepy workplace he's creating.
After all that he asks for suggestions on how to get this girl or if he has a chance... You don't think that's ridiculous?
What have you added by the way? Besides focussing on me? I actually gave him a ridiculous suggestion to match his ridiculous question, hoping he'd read between the lines and realize how stupid he's being... What did you do?
.
