Im new, if that didnt cause you to skip to next, please help me understand some things about this how things work here. As a male I have had a very hard time getting anyone to even return a 'hello" in chat rooms. They few that have were not very welcoming at all. There seems to be cliques who wont talk to outsiders, especially new outsiders. Then there is this unspoken set of proper manners and do"'s and dont's,
I thought this was an adult forum where like minded people come to engage in erotic things. If you ask to chat about sex or fantasies you are shut down and ignored for being selfish and out of line. I understand we each have our likes, wants, and dislikes. To each their own and I realize its not only polite to get to know someone before engaging in sexual conversations, but offers insight to their desires. Men out number the women and I imagine women often feel like they are being treated like meat at the market. Its hard to get to know anyone when newcomers are unwelcome or ignored. Everyone was new at some point and someone gave you a chance. Im not here to talk about the weather, I have an app for that. Ive been very clear in why Im here and what I want. This is adult chat and I want to chat about adult things. Sex, fantasies, adventures in sex, erotic photos and thoughts etc.
To flirt, talk sexy or naughty and find others who like the same things That I do. I dont want anything serious, phone numbers, home addresses or even pics. Why is it so difficult ladies for me to find something so simple on an adult chat arena? what am I missing here? Im confused by the nature of the chat rooms in general and feel like Im approaching things incorrectly. Any advice on how to find a woman to have sex chat with me, and what are basic rules of thumb when getting started?
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Please explain something.
Rainbow Warrior
Dunno where the official greeters are, but welcome to Lush! I haven't spent much time in the chatrooms, but even I get ignored sometimes, so don't feel bad. There are definitely cliques here. But nice guys are usually welcome everywhere, so be the nicest, most gentlemanly version of yourself. Lush may be a sex-site, but its denizens tend to be a bit more refined than your typical sex-site. Adjust your approach accordingly. :-)
Rainbow Warrior
Dunno where the official greeters are, but welcome to Lush! I haven't spent much time in the chatrooms, but even I get ignored sometimes, so don't feel bad. There are definitely cliques here. But nice guys are usually welcome everywhere, so be the nicest, most gentlemanly version of yourself. Lush may be a sex-site, but its denizens tend to be a bit more refined than your typical sex-site. Adjust your approach accordingly. :-)
Also, women are a bit on edge lately as far as aggressive male sexual behavior is concerned. We've had it with sexual harassment and sexual assault in all its forms, so... play nice!
Also, women are a bit on edge lately as far as aggressive male sexual behavior is concerned. We've had it with sexual harassment and sexual assault in all its forms, so... play nice!
Active Ink Slinger
I wish I had a dollar for every time I got castigated for talking explicitly about sex on here. I am getting fed up with some of the church lady attitudes. I doubt that I will renew again.
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Active Ink Slinger
I don't think its any different going into a bar , you need to figure out who is who, learn how to chat first don't just keep asking questions
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
To the new guy: I don't understand the chat rooms either, so I feel your pain. I tried that when I first came here and got nowhere. Like everyone was talking in code. No one would talk to me.
Best way to meet women here is to read profiles and say hi politely to someone who seems simpatico. Look for someone who seems cool in the Forums and say hi. Women here are hit on constantly here, do try to differentiate yourself from the white noise of male come-one.
And some advice if you want a woman to pay attention to you? Listen to THEM. That applies to Lush and real life and all the nuanced spaces in between.
Best way to meet women here is to read profiles and say hi politely to someone who seems simpatico. Look for someone who seems cool in the Forums and say hi. Women here are hit on constantly here, do try to differentiate yourself from the white noise of male come-one.
And some advice if you want a woman to pay attention to you? Listen to THEM. That applies to Lush and real life and all the nuanced spaces in between.
Active Ink Slinger
Hi, welcome!
You might come across a lot of whisper shaming too, in case you haven't yet, so be warned. It's another one of the things I'll never understand.
If you are up for conversations, shares of thoughts, fantasies, experiences, anything an adult erotic chat room is imagined to be mature enough to have, you will have luck sooner or later. I reply to anyone if I am not already talking to too many people.
Now, if what you seek is the said "cyber", well, the rule of thumb is knowing that no one is here to please you, everyone has their own interests and moods, so I think luck counts more.
A little tip? Avoid the annoying approaches as "what brings you here?" "what are you wearing?", we are sick of that. And just ask, before assuming someone is after cybering too (spoiler? Prbably not).
Good luck, and have fun!
You might come across a lot of whisper shaming too, in case you haven't yet, so be warned. It's another one of the things I'll never understand.
If you are up for conversations, shares of thoughts, fantasies, experiences, anything an adult erotic chat room is imagined to be mature enough to have, you will have luck sooner or later. I reply to anyone if I am not already talking to too many people.
Now, if what you seek is the said "cyber", well, the rule of thumb is knowing that no one is here to please you, everyone has their own interests and moods, so I think luck counts more.
A little tip? Avoid the annoying approaches as "what brings you here?" "what are you wearing?", we are sick of that. And just ask, before assuming someone is after cybering too (spoiler? Prbably not).
Good luck, and have fun!
The Bee's Knees
beautifully stated, awfullycharming! to just add a little to that:
1. don't take people not responding to an open hello too personally. you have no idea how many people are involved in whispered chats and the rooms go by very fast. i know i've been guilty of it - but i'm not being snobbish. if you message me directly, i'll try my best to respond.
2. what you may not understand is that you could very possibly be the third, or fourth, guy to ask a woman about her fantasies or to cyber. by that time it gets really hard to keep a friendly demeanor.
3. also, when exactly are you inquiring about things of a sexual nature? most women aren't there just for sex chat. i emphasized most because that's obviously not always the case. just recently i read a profile from a woman that basically said if you catch her in the chat rooms, she wants to indulge in some cyber play. there are quite a few who are also here for the same reason. this is where reading profiles is very important.
4. have you considered using the groups feature here on the site? i'm sure there are multiple groups formed for naughty chat. that's a more surefire way of finding someone who shares your interest.
you're rather new here and i hate that you're having a difficult time. yes, we've all been new and had to learn the ropes. luckily, this isn't too difficult. keep popping in the rooms and have a look at the groups. i promise it gets easier.
good luck?
1. don't take people not responding to an open hello too personally. you have no idea how many people are involved in whispered chats and the rooms go by very fast. i know i've been guilty of it - but i'm not being snobbish. if you message me directly, i'll try my best to respond.
2. what you may not understand is that you could very possibly be the third, or fourth, guy to ask a woman about her fantasies or to cyber. by that time it gets really hard to keep a friendly demeanor.
3. also, when exactly are you inquiring about things of a sexual nature? most women aren't there just for sex chat. i emphasized most because that's obviously not always the case. just recently i read a profile from a woman that basically said if you catch her in the chat rooms, she wants to indulge in some cyber play. there are quite a few who are also here for the same reason. this is where reading profiles is very important.
4. have you considered using the groups feature here on the site? i'm sure there are multiple groups formed for naughty chat. that's a more surefire way of finding someone who shares your interest.
you're rather new here and i hate that you're having a difficult time. yes, we've all been new and had to learn the ropes. luckily, this isn't too difficult. keep popping in the rooms and have a look at the groups. i promise it gets easier.
good luck?
Say. Her. Name.
Quote by 69Kisses96
I wish I had a dollar for every time I got castigated for talking explicitly about sex on here. I am getting fed up with some of the church lady attitudes. I doubt that I will renew again.
Would you engage in explicit sexual conversation with me, if we were having a cup of coffee in a nice quiet cafe? Probably not, or at least hopefully not.....there is a time and a place for everything. Today, women are FINALLY beginning to realize that we dont have to put up with men thinking that we are only here for your pleasure. Treat me as a real person, whether its here at Lush or in public at a bar or cafe. When I am ready to have an explicit sexual conversation with you, I will let you know, but dont think less of me, just because I am not willing to let you sit there and fire off your gun, while you remind me what a cocksman you are and reminding me what you would like to do to me. Treat me as your equal in each and every way and you just might find that we are every bit as sexual as you are, and maybe more so.
I have waited a long time to type that and I am glad you whined about our real life attitude, as opposed to the attitude that you THINK we should be exhibiting. Yes, Lush is a sexually oriented site, but the world is full of sex and I think most of the women that I know on Lush would like to be treated the same here as we would expect to be treated in the real world.
Sorry for my rant, but I had to get that off of my chest......
Active Ink Slinger
I appreciate your honesty, Becky. At the same time, I do believe that some of your observations are off the mark. But that's okay. We are all allowed to disagree. I respect that. I hope all is well for you now.
I've been here for a very long time - and I've seen it for years. Some women on this website treat men like they're scum. Especially in the general chatrooms, it's the most blatant there, which is why the casual chat room tends to be empty. Everyone got tired of it.
I think it's bitches being bitches. Unfortunately they do ruin the good natured fun of this website.
At the same time, some guys are total tools. The shit goes both ways. It's just the same as finding insulting comments at porn video sites.
I think it's bitches being bitches. Unfortunately they do ruin the good natured fun of this website.
At the same time, some guys are total tools. The shit goes both ways. It's just the same as finding insulting comments at porn video sites.
Some great answers by AwfullyCharming, honeydipped, Metilda and others. I can only agree.
One more thing I think of: language use. Not only the level of explicitness, but also more basic aspects such as spelling, grammar, the absence of slang and all sorts of abbreviations, ... I'm not a native English speaker myself, but one important reason for me to keep talking with someone or not is their language use. It should be standard at least, and if refined, perhaps with literary hints and a rich vocabulary, chances are I'm sold.
This is a personal preference of mine, but since Lush is based around story writing, it may be more important than on other chat sites, and perhaps something worth paying attention to?
One more thing I think of: language use. Not only the level of explicitness, but also more basic aspects such as spelling, grammar, the absence of slang and all sorts of abbreviations, ... I'm not a native English speaker myself, but one important reason for me to keep talking with someone or not is their language use. It should be standard at least, and if refined, perhaps with literary hints and a rich vocabulary, chances are I'm sold.
This is a personal preference of mine, but since Lush is based around story writing, it may be more important than on other chat sites, and perhaps something worth paying attention to?
There is no better answer than the ones from the ladies themselves as to how to act towards them in the chat rooms.
I've been here for over 5 years now, and I will say this, Lush has changed quite a bit over that time. I believe there is now more rudeness exhibited, at least by females. Men have always been rude, and there is the problem. A woman will probably conclude that you are and will therefore have to be "won" over.
I have three rules on Lush that I abide by:
1. Always read the profiles of who you are or want to speak with. -- If you want cyber and they say don't, why bother trying? A simple hello will suffice and maybe some small talk, but don't ask her to cyber you. You may be surprised that as you just chat she really wants to cyber after all. or maybe not.
2. Always assume nothing is at it seems. --yes, some "females" aren't, they are guys (don't ask, I don't know). Some subs aren't, some Dommes aren't, some lesbians aren't. And something that seems to be coming up more and more, some are not of age.
3. Always be respectful --I may not agree with you, I may not like what you do/say, I may not like that you're an imposter, but I will be courteous to you. Exception to this: If you come into a room and are openly rude and disrespectful I will, as will others, call you out.
Females are overwhelmed by the number of whispers and hellos they get when they come into a room. I wait a bit, then say hello. Many times I get a response, many times I don't. Many times it's a whispered response, so I whisper back.
I also post pictures, and I get many responses from that, both openly and whispered.
I've been here for over 5 years now, and I will say this, Lush has changed quite a bit over that time. I believe there is now more rudeness exhibited, at least by females. Men have always been rude, and there is the problem. A woman will probably conclude that you are and will therefore have to be "won" over.
I have three rules on Lush that I abide by:
1. Always read the profiles of who you are or want to speak with. -- If you want cyber and they say don't, why bother trying? A simple hello will suffice and maybe some small talk, but don't ask her to cyber you. You may be surprised that as you just chat she really wants to cyber after all. or maybe not.
2. Always assume nothing is at it seems. --yes, some "females" aren't, they are guys (don't ask, I don't know). Some subs aren't, some Dommes aren't, some lesbians aren't. And something that seems to be coming up more and more, some are not of age.
3. Always be respectful --I may not agree with you, I may not like what you do/say, I may not like that you're an imposter, but I will be courteous to you. Exception to this: If you come into a room and are openly rude and disrespectful I will, as will others, call you out.
Females are overwhelmed by the number of whispers and hellos they get when they come into a room. I wait a bit, then say hello. Many times I get a response, many times I don't. Many times it's a whispered response, so I whisper back.
I also post pictures, and I get many responses from that, both openly and whispered.
Advanced Wordsmith
Yes, avoid " What brings you here"? That got old the millionth time ago. if Im online I usually respond to anyone civil so say hello
Active Ink Slinger
Exactly, honeydipped, and spot on Metilda, now, MinakoW, yes to that! I am not a native english speaker myself, but I take to myself the effort to try watching my grammar and punctuation at least, not sure how arrogant that is, but someone that types well is already off to a nice start. It may be because of the nature of the site, I haven't thought about that before.
Also, the Eaglesclaw summary of his own experience from the male point of view is very nice, and what makes it nice is that he tries to see how it is from the ladies point of view (all the harassment, all the unseen whispers already going on, ...)
I don't really expect to have a coffee shop conversation here, I don't mind having bluntly honest conversations about sexual matters, thoughts and experiences, where else would I be able to have it? Better make good use of lush to talk about things I wouldn't as easily - or at all - in real life.
Expect people to give back what you give, but understand that changing focus or some ignored messages might occur, sometimes rooms and parallel conversations go by too fast to keep a proper track of.
So, newbies, don't give up too soon, lush chatrooms can be very fun if you have good sense, and you'll be surprised with how many interesting people you might find here.
Also, the Eaglesclaw summary of his own experience from the male point of view is very nice, and what makes it nice is that he tries to see how it is from the ladies point of view (all the harassment, all the unseen whispers already going on, ...)
I don't really expect to have a coffee shop conversation here, I don't mind having bluntly honest conversations about sexual matters, thoughts and experiences, where else would I be able to have it? Better make good use of lush to talk about things I wouldn't as easily - or at all - in real life.
Expect people to give back what you give, but understand that changing focus or some ignored messages might occur, sometimes rooms and parallel conversations go by too fast to keep a proper track of.
So, newbies, don't give up too soon, lush chatrooms can be very fun if you have good sense, and you'll be surprised with how many interesting people you might find here.
Active Ink Slinger
Patience would be my first advice. I have been around here on and off for many years. The chat rooms as you have noticed can often be 10 to 1 men to girls, so that being said there often getting tons of messages to the point they just shut down often. So I suggest just sending a kind word showing you read there profile. There people here just like anywhere and it takes them seeing you post things in the pic room and chit chat with others even if its a guy your bantering with over a pic or a comment. You will find that a nicely written profile will help some to. Just take it slow. Girls talk here just like in RL and they whisper to each other often when a guys being overly aggressive. Sure there's a few here when they log on there already planning on stripping out of those panties, but I think by in large that's not the case. Now there's another thing to think of, even the ones that want to jump straight into a vivid shall we say conversation I always found it hard to do so since I had no connection and hadn't spent any time getting to know who I was chatting with or what they liked. Not all girls want to be called slut of baby or whatever so that goes back to knowing who and what. So back to the golden rule, patience and get to know the ones that do chat and let there mood direct the conversation 
Just Weaves 2 cents and it isn't worth much.
Just Weaves 2 cents and it isn't worth much. 
Active Ink Slinger
I too have been here awhile! I try to treat the ladies here same as I treat my wife of 36 years! When we are out and about she is (mostly) prime and proper when we get home, that is another story! Very playful and even a little slutty!
I believe in opening doors, flowers for no reason ..... ! I know she enjoys these things also, but we do have our moments of enjoying her being a whore in our own home!
I believe in opening doors, flowers for no reason ..... ! I know she enjoys these things also, but we do have our moments of enjoying her being a whore in our own home!
Active Ink Slinger
I am fairly new here also. But I have some thoughts and do's and don'ts.
Have a completed profile so I can have some understanding of who you are and what you need.
Some guys come across with the attitude, if not the words "Babe Lets Fuck". If a woman is older than 21 she may not relate to this immediately.
I love to talk about Sex but I love to talk about many other things too.
If you want to talk to me and I know you are able, but this applies to many other people. Being able to write an understandable sentence sure helps. I am not a grammar freak. But I do need to understand what you want to communicate.
So drop by and lets talk. It would be nice if you have something to say other than the above quotation
Have a completed profile so I can have some understanding of who you are and what you need.
Some guys come across with the attitude, if not the words "Babe Lets Fuck". If a woman is older than 21 she may not relate to this immediately.
I love to talk about Sex but I love to talk about many other things too.
If you want to talk to me and I know you are able, but this applies to many other people. Being able to write an understandable sentence sure helps. I am not a grammar freak. But I do need to understand what you want to communicate.
So drop by and lets talk. It would be nice if you have something to say other than the above quotation
Active Ink Slinger
Having agreed to what most of members said above, I'd like to add that basically Lush is an erotic literature site, therefore, many members are authors who are supposed to be wiser with the ability to reason and make considered choices at a higher intellectual level... therefore, dwellers here are comparatively polished than those who are natives of ordinary sex sites... that will challenge your aptitude and if you're a gentleman you will correct your attitude accordingly to enjoy the benefits of being here
I like the way you make me feel even when I'm nowhere near...
I would like to thank you all for the sensible and well received advice in your replies. It has helped me see my mistakes in some areas and the need to realize some things are the way they are. Patience and respecting others First is needed. Crazy places one finds life lessons, but I truly appreciate all of the input. My best to all.