what is worse?
to be a cheater or to be a "home wrecker" the person who the cheater is cheating off with...
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home wrecker or cheater?
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Head Nurse
home wrecker
The cheater is acting through passion and disillusionment in a relationship. The homewrecker knows and many times sets her or his sights on the object of their desire.
The cheater is acting through passion and disillusionment in a relationship. The homewrecker knows and many times sets her or his sights on the object of their desire.
I'm voting cheater here.... although the above is true to me a cheater is what it says on the tin. You're not just cheating on someone, you're cheating someone - taking away what they thought they had. Commitment, security, and, in some cases, love.
On a side note: 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. Bullshit. Once a home wrecker, always a home wrecker? I don't know.
On a side note: 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. Bullshit. Once a home wrecker, always a home wrecker? I don't know.
Active Ink Slinger
I would say home wrecker over a cheater because it's not always just the the person being cheated on that's affected, it's the cheater and his/her lover, and the possibility of children involved as well. It destroys lives, and is it really all worth it? Me thinks not. If you're not attracted to the person you're in a relationship with, grow some balls and call it off.. What goes around always comes around one way or another!
Artistic Tart
If we're defining "homewrecker" as somebody who is literally having an affair with a married (or live-in coupled) man or woman, then yes, I find that more distasteful than a "cheater". But if we're just talking about a couple that's merely dating, then forgive me, I just don't see it having the same severity. In that case, I feel it's really the cheater's dilemma to solve, assuming that the interloper isn't friends with the cuckolded one. Neither is a great scenario, but the term "homewrecker" carries a dramatic connotation that doesn't really apply with lots of couples.
The Linebacker
Either one could be living dangerously but "homewrecker" may definitely not live too long before some angry "home defender" introduces him to the duo of Smith & Wesson. It seems a bit risky to be the "homewrecker." Plus what kind of conscience does that?
okay let me give out the situation.. so person A and person B are friends but then person A starts to not date (not officially no labels) gets together with person C. and Person B knows about A and C being together... keeping up?
well then person A and person B hookup a few times... who is wrong?
is person A wrong for cheating on Person C even though they aren't technically together? or is person B wrong because they know about the situation and still did it?
well then person A and person B hookup a few times... who is wrong?
is person A wrong for cheating on Person C even though they aren't technically together? or is person B wrong because they know about the situation and still did it?
Artistic Tart
If none of the parties are really "coupled", then nobody's really at fault.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by LadyX
If none of the parties are really "coupled", then nobody's really at fault.
I agree. They're just having fun at this point trying to figure it all out. If any of the players feel hurt then they need to expand out and find a new love interest. There are no commitments at this point.
You are invited to read Passionate Danger, Part II, a story collaboration by Kim and ArtMan.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/passionate-danger-part-ii.aspx
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/passionate-danger-part-ii.aspx
Active Ink Slinger
i say the cheater is worse than the homewrecker. mind you, i'm not saying the homewrecker is without blame, but the person cheating is the one that made the commitment & they're the one that chose to break that commitment.
i once had a short-lived relationship with a married man. but here's the thing, i didn't know he was married & once i found out i broke it off. yet some ppl still labeled me as a homewrecker & implied that the "affair" was all my fault & he was virtually blameless.
now i understand that there are ppl out there that actively pursue married ppl or ppl that are in a committed relationship, that is disgusting to me but to each their own, but the fact is that the person IN the relationship is the one that has the responsibility to their SO. no one can force you to cheat, you make that choice.
i once had a short-lived relationship with a married man. but here's the thing, i didn't know he was married & once i found out i broke it off. yet some ppl still labeled me as a homewrecker & implied that the "affair" was all my fault & he was virtually blameless.
now i understand that there are ppl out there that actively pursue married ppl or ppl that are in a committed relationship, that is disgusting to me but to each their own, but the fact is that the person IN the relationship is the one that has the responsibility to their SO. no one can force you to cheat, you make that choice.
♥ J
Head Nurse
Quote by winky
okay let me give out the situation.. so person A and person B are friends but then person A starts to not date (not officially no labels) gets together with person C. and Person B knows about A and C being together... keeping up?
well then person A and person B hookup a few times... who is wrong?
is person A wrong for cheating on Person C even though they aren't technically together? or is person B wrong because they know about the situation and still did it?
substitute me for person A, My ex-husband as person C and my ex friend/his new wife for person B & you have why I am bitter about monogamous relationships!
I still blame her & despise him.
The Bee's Knees
i'd say the cheater is worse. the homewrecker has nothing to lose. the cheater knows they have the possibility of losing you and STILL made the decision to cheat. it's much easier to place the blame on the third party. don't get me wrong, i don't condone what the homewrecker did. i was cheated on once and ripped the girl a new one AFTER having done worse to my ex.
Say. Her. Name.
Quote by FelineFantasy
I would say home wrecker over a cheater because it's not always just the the person being cheated on that's affected, it's the cheater and his/her lover, and the possibility of children involved as well. It destroys lives, and is it really all worth it? Me thinks not. If you're not attracted to the person you're in a relationship with, grow some balls and call it off.. What goes around always comes around one way or another!
Does it destroy lives? In some cases yes and in others no and that includes those with kids. Regardless of using home wrecker or cheater as a term the end result is a split marriage/relationship so one must ask what's missing from the point their journey within that realm began. Remember, there will always be 3 in a marriage; you, me and us. That cheater home wrecker did me the biggest favor and I love my life. I got a Harley, ink that I always wanted, don't have to worry about being a wife expectant to some guy that hates the fact I am bi. I don't have to hide being on Lush from some hubby that omg doesn't know. As far as balls goes there are a bunch of girls I know that better get some ovaries because in my experience what goes around doesn't always come back.
Active Ink Slinger
I would say Cheater too. The homewrecker might not even know he is married/taken. Many cheaters take their ring off when they are cheating. However if the homewrecker does know then me thinks that it is well ripped off isn't it.
Active Ink Slinger
This thread made me think of Kate Bush's "Babushka" where the wife sends letters to her husband under a false name. To see if he was welling to get swept away by a stranger.
Active Ink Slinger
Both do severe damage. However a homewrecker enjoys the destruction in most cases I've seen. The cheater destroys a family.
Can walk away from a home wrecker and do the right thing a stay faithful.
Can walk away from a home wrecker and do the right thing a stay faithful.
Advanced Wordsmith
Of the two, I'd say cheater.
It's not like the "home wrecker" is taking him/her against his/her will. It takes two. For example, it would not be fair to completely blame the mistress for a man's broken marriage. He cheated on his own accord.
Both parties are bad, though. In dating men, I make it a rule to NEVER date taken/married men.
It's not like the "home wrecker" is taking him/her against his/her will. It takes two. For example, it would not be fair to completely blame the mistress for a man's broken marriage. He cheated on his own accord.
Both parties are bad, though. In dating men, I make it a rule to NEVER date taken/married men.
Advanced Wordsmith
well while i was working to support our growing family, my EX cheated!, did a good job of it, destroyed 2 families. no never have dated or will i a married lady
Alpha Blonde
Quote by winky
okay let me give out the situation.. so person A and person B are friends but then person A starts to not date (not officially no labels) gets together with person C. and Person B knows about A and C being together... keeping up?
well then person A and person B hookup a few times... who is wrong?
is person A wrong for cheating on Person C even though they aren't technically together? or is person B wrong because they know about the situation and still did it?
No official commitment means it's a free zone for all parties involved.
Person B should enjoy the good times with Person A. The only time it starts to get messy is if Person B and C are close friends. Then you're fucking around with the guy that your girlfriend is really into or has called out as her territory. Then it makes you a shitty friend.
If you're not BFFs with her, then it's game on as far as I'm concerned.
As for the original question, assuming there is/was commitment involved, I think the cheater is the worse one - always. Whoever made the commitment and betrayed it is the one that should feel guilty and the one that should hold the blame for the actions involved. Sure it's always a bad idea to hook up with someone that's already taken, but a third party can't really wreck a home if the foundation bricks of the marriage/relationship were solid to begin with. And yes, I've been cheated on before and those are still my views - I never, ever blamed the girl. She was just a byproduct of my shitty relationship and ex-boyfriend's douchebaggery as far as I'm concerned.
Their both the same thing,they both can destroy a relationship.Once a cheater always a cheater
Active Ink Slinger
The home wrecker owes nothing to the SO of the cheater. No matter how much I would wish to blame the "other man", I would not be able to change that fact. The cheater is the one who has either an explicit or implicit promise to keep. If I was the cheater and I tried to blame the "other woman" for causing me to cheat, wouldn't that make me seem immature? When there is no implicit commitment, there is no cheater and no home wrecker. There's only two people competing for the affection of one.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Active Ink Slinger
In my book the onus is always on the cheater and I've been in both situations. I feel the title home wrecker is melodramatic and primitive unless you apply it to the cheater. I also feel that following a come on from a married person is just fair game in fact I am not impressed with marriage as a means of staying faithfull the only important thing unless of course you're religious is the relationship; silly bits of paper and public promises mean nothing the important thing is the relationship and trust between the two people.
Active Ink Slinger
They're both pretty bad. Being the cheater is just lack of self-control and selfishness, and no balls to call off a relationship that has gone soft (so to speak).
Being the "other woman" -- the person who makes the cheater cheat -- it is just horrible, and I've promised myself - and told guys who I meet - that I will NEVER be the cause of a couple breaking up. I've passed up some juicy morsels with that attitude - but they would have only been flings, and they might have caused a divorce or breakup. Not for me.
They're both pretty bad - despicable - but I think home wrecker is worse by far.
Being the "other woman" -- the person who makes the cheater cheat -- it is just horrible, and I've promised myself - and told guys who I meet - that I will NEVER be the cause of a couple breaking up. I've passed up some juicy morsels with that attitude - but they would have only been flings, and they might have caused a divorce or breakup. Not for me.
They're both pretty bad - despicable - but I think home wrecker is worse by far.