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He doesn't give me orgasms

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amber
Active Ink Slinger
He doesn't give me orgasms

For some reason hearing this has become a peeve of mine.

I have never felt it was his job alone to give me an orgasm.

Well, let me clarify, I mean while fucking. Not oral. I don't know enough about anal as I do not want to try that.

No matter what position we are in while fucking, if I am not getting the right stimulation, if his cock is not hitting the right spots to orgasm, then I move. I work my hips and angles and I use kegel muscles that I have exercised twice a day for years to get what I need. Even if I am tied up (not completely immobile mind you), I still work to get what I need as well as provide my own efforts during the act.

I consider my orgasms during intercourse to be the work of us both. The same for his orgasms. I work to make his as awesome as my own.

It is a given that the guy does most of the work in most positions, but if you are not achieving orgasms, I don't see that it is necessarily his blame.

I realize that there are circumstances where no matter what the effort you put into it, orgasm may not be achieved in intercourse... micro penis, premature ejaculation, liquor dick, etc. I am talking about if those issues are not present.

While I am what I consider sexually submissive, I will still let my boyfriend know what I need if I am not getting it.

Do you feel it is your partner's job to give you an orgasm (while fucking)? How active are you in your orgasms? If you are'nt having orgasms, what are you trying in order to have them?
Guest
Lurker
From this guy's perspective - I do think it's my job to ' give ' a woman an orgasm, or help her 'achieve' one - whatever the right verb might be. Certainly it's a mutual adventure and I want to know what I need to do for her to get her off but the simple fact is I love it when women orgasm and I'm genuinely disappointed if that doesn't happen. Obviously, if she's pleased even if she doesn't cum that's great but damn, it's fabulous when ladies cum.
Buz
The Linebacker
Communication is the best way to get orgasms. Let your partner know what they can do to get you off the best. Unless they are a total selfish jerk they'll probably be very happy to comply. It takes two people who are mutually into it to get it right. It might take practice too. Also, enthusiasm is key.
Guest
Lurker
I hate to say that because we're both usually so busy, we end up being really tired at the end of the day. If we find time to be intimate, he has this issue where if we're not having sex often, he'll ejaculate prematurely and this is usually the case. Its a major turn off for me so I end up not having an orgasm. I try to do it quickly but it doesn't feel good knowing I'm rushing.
mademinx
Active Ink Slinger
My orgasms happen inside me. Yes.. from inside me.

They don't miraculously pass out of a man across our skin barrier and up into my body. So even if he wanted to give me one how on earth would that be possible?

I believe my orgasms are a reflection of me not him.

Minxy
Guest
Lurker
If I am reading what you wrote correctly, he helps you climax but it's harder during actual intercourse?
I believe Buz is absolutely correct that communication is key!!!! BUT, you have to realize that some women just have a harder time having an orgasm during the actual act of sex. That's why it is even more important, if this is the case, that you communicate with your partner and find ways that you do have an orgasm.
To answer your real question though, I believe both need to work at it to have a good experience for both involved.
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
I agree with Buz also. You need to communicate this with your partner as you did in this thread. If you are faking orgasams to make him feel good it gives him a false sense of his performance. Talk to him.
Sone
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by LovelikeWinter
I hate to say that because we're both usually so busy, we end up being really tired at the end of the day. If we find time to be intimate, he has this issue where if we're not having sex often, he'll ejaculate prematurely and this is usually the case. Its a major turn off for me so I end up not having an orgasm. I try to do it quickly but it doesn't feel good knowing I'm rushing.


Do you think this problem would disappear if he kept trying to please you after he had his quick orgasm? For example, if he ate you for a long time, and if he had a lot of interest in playing with you and maybe using toys, would his unselfish focus on your pleasure undo your bad feelings about his having an orgasm quickly?

In other words, is your bad feeling centered around the fact that he is going to lose all interest in sex from the point he orgasms, or is your bad feeling centered on just his orgasm no matter what he does from that point forward?

I would be very interested in hearing from other ladies whose men cum too fast whether his subsequent behavior ever makes up for the event.
Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
All of this is why I consider intercourse to be the icing on our sexual cake. Sex starts before the first kiss. It begins with a look or a touch. Buz is correct about communication being the key, and as we age taking time to be intimate, making the effort to spend that time together is the first step. Getting her to orgasm isn't so much about stamina or technique while having intercourse, it comes from knowing her tells and understanding what her body is telling you. The real joy is making the forplay amazing. Do that, and most woman will be so aroused and satisfied by the time you actually fuck that she will be glad just to have you there.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Milik_the_Red
All of this is why I consider intercourse to be the icing on our sexual cake. Sex starts before the first kiss. It begins with a look or a touch. Buz is correct about communication being the key, and as we age taking time to be intimate, making the effort to spend that time together is the first step. Getting her to orgasm isn't so much about stamina or technique while having intercourse, it comes from knowing her tells and understanding what her body is telling you. The real joy is making the forplay amazing. Do that, and most woman will be so aroused and satisfied by the time you actually fuck that she will be glad just to have you there.


I agree with Milk the Red though, most of my orgasms (and I have a lot) are mostly from everything else, the actual intercourse just feels amazing after I bust out a bunch of orgasms and my body is relaxed (but I don't necessarily have an orgasm during intercourse all the time) but I don't care, the whole experience is still amazing! It's the effort that is put in by both partners to bring pleasure to each other.

Also I was thinking, what helps me is use a vibrator on your clit as he is inside you, that helps me and even if it's a clitoral orgasm and not a Gspot one, the combination of him inside you while you have an orgasm still feels incredible and sometimes it even triggers me to have a combo orgasm (clitoral and Gspot), which is even more amazing.

Hope this helps, first you have to stop getting frustrated and relax and comunicate though.

xxV
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Sone
I would be very interested in hearing from other ladies whose men cum too fast whether his subsequent behavior ever makes up for the event.


Over nine years of figurative pain, I feel qualified to comment.

Sex is so, so much more than orgasm, and while yes, any earlier or subsequent behaviours can be indulgent and make up for it, it is also difficult to enjoy the whole event when actual penetration is over as soon as it bloody begins. I like sex, as a whole event but (shock horror!!) I actually enjoy penetration and I hate missing out. My patience and understanding has been pretty steadfast for a long time, but it is dwindling….. I don’t really want to get to a point where I’d just rather not have sex.

Add to that selfish and effortless behaviour before / after and as a highly sexual woman I’m just constantly frustrated. I am an enthusiastic partner and I give a lot... unfortunately despite any amount of communication, one of us climbs the stairs and one of us is permanently stuck in the bloody basement.

I would happily deal without lengthy(er) sex, or orgasms, but missing out on both is balls!!
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Sone


Do you think this problem would disappear if he kept trying to please you after he had his quick orgasm? For example, if he ate you for a long time, and if he had a lot of interest in playing with you and maybe using toys, would his unselfish focus on your pleasure undo your bad feelings about his having an orgasm quickly?

In other words, is your bad feeling centered around the fact that he is going to lose all interest in sex from the point he orgasms, or is your bad feeling centered on just his orgasm no matter what he does from that point forward?

I would be very interested in hearing from other ladies whose men cum too fast whether his subsequent behavior ever makes up for the event.


I think it would definitely help if he would seem more interested in me after his orgasm. If he did everything he could to help me as well, I'd probably feel a lot better. It just takes away from the overall experience of sex for me though, which is having him inside me.
Guest
Lurker
You have my empathy LLW!!
Sone
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by LovelikeWinter


I think it would definitely help if he would seem more interested in me after his orgasm. If he did everything he could to help me as well, I'd probably feel a lot better. It just takes away from the overall experience of sex for me though, which is having him inside me.


It is always interesting to me that lesbians and bisexual women do not have this problem. If one of them is spent sexually, and the other one wants penetration, they usually work that problem out. The solution might be fingering, or a sex toy, or a dildo, or whatever. But the partner who wants penetration has no problem getting as much or as little as she needs. Why is it that this problem seems to focus on men as the givers of penetration?

I think the reason is that men have a shallow understanding of the whole process of giving pleasure, and they somehow believe that their penis is the fountain of youth. Once the fountain goes dry, they assume the game is over. That is a really selfish perspective, as if to say that the man's orgasm is the whole point of sex.

Imagine for a second that the guy has tested out a dildo that he already knows you like as much or *more* than his penis. If he were to cum too fast and then seamlessly just transition to using that dildo, maybe with a strap-on, would you even care that he came? Maybe some women would look forward to his cumming too fast because they would learn that means something even better is going to start?