I think so anyway.
In your experience, how do guys "try too hard"?
This question is intended to ultimately help guys who fall into this category.
Matriarch
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Guys "trying too hard" is a turn off
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Watch my eyes. If my eyes are not straying around the room and seem to be focused intently on you, I am most likely interested. Checking out the guy next to you means... I am NOT interested.
Smiles are great! If I smile at you when you aren’t talking, or laugh at everything you say, funny or not, you can assume I am interested. A look of disgust means, you guessed it... I am NOT interested.
The best and easiest predictor of my attraction is my physical contact with you. Do I frequently touch your hand or keep it hidden in my pocket? Do I touch your arm or leg when I am making a point? The more physical contact I have with you during our conversation, the better. This could also mean touching myself... If I am running my hands through my hair or playing with my top (trying to get you focused on my clevage) then I am interested... If I have my arms crossed or I am pulling my hair out... I am NOT interested.
If you see me doing any of the 'NOT interested', don't push it, get the hint and walk away... Yes, sometimes persistance will pay out, but most often (say 9 out of 10 times), it will only piss me off.
Guys that also start a conversation beginning with 'I have a big cock' or 'I want to get you into the sack' is a major turn off as I see it as trying way too hard. To get me into bed, you have to get to know me first... I am not saying this is going to work 100%, but hopefully you will understand what I mean
This also goes for lushies and cybering.... "wanna chat" from a complete stanger is a BIG turn off for me.
Another 'try hard' is sending girls too many flowers or gifts... I am not saying that is bad
after all, it is your money 
but when accompanied with picking me up and dropping me at work, AND trying to spend every moment with me... well, that crosses the line to being a stalker: Especially when I have made it clear, I only want to remain friends. 
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Watch my eyes. If my eyes are not straying around the room and seem to be focused intently on you, I am most likely interested. Checking out the guy next to you means... I am NOT interested.
Smiles are great! If I smile at you when you aren’t talking, or laugh at everything you say, funny or not, you can assume I am interested. A look of disgust means, you guessed it... I am NOT interested.
The best and easiest predictor of my attraction is my physical contact with you. Do I frequently touch your hand or keep it hidden in my pocket? Do I touch your arm or leg when I am making a point? The more physical contact I have with you during our conversation, the better. This could also mean touching myself... If I am running my hands through my hair or playing with my top (trying to get you focused on my clevage) then I am interested... If I have my arms crossed or I am pulling my hair out... I am NOT interested.
If you see me doing any of the 'NOT interested', don't push it, get the hint and walk away... Yes, sometimes persistance will pay out, but most often (say 9 out of 10 times), it will only piss me off.
Guys that also start a conversation beginning with 'I have a big cock' or 'I want to get you into the sack' is a major turn off as I see it as trying way too hard. To get me into bed, you have to get to know me first... I am not saying this is going to work 100%, but hopefully you will understand what I mean
This also goes for lushies and cybering.... "wanna chat" from a complete stanger is a BIG turn off for me.Another 'try hard' is sending girls too many flowers or gifts... I am not saying that is bad
after all, it is your money but when accompanied with picking me up and dropping me at work, AND trying to spend every moment with me... well, that crosses the line to being a stalker: Especially when I have made it clear, I only want to remain friends. 
Alpha Blonde
I think 'trying too hard' is a guy trying to be something he's not, in order to impress a woman or gain her approval.
Some typical examples are:
Name dropping (people, places or things you thinks are 'cool').
Bragging about your profession and how important you are.
Bragging about your wealth, house, or car.
Bragging about how great you are in bed (or how huge, well-curved and ultra satisfying your dick is).
Spending a lot of time insinuating or trying to prove how popular you are with the opposite sex.
Overloading a woman with meaningless compliments (a few well-timed sincere compliments are best).
Telling a woman what you think she wants to hear, but not really meaning any of it.
In terms of guys not getting the hint, as Sweetbitch mentioned, then any of the above combined with clingy behaviour will send a woman running, and start cueing the use of the "stalker" descriptive.
If I LIKE the guy, then I typically really enjoy the attention though! As long as he's being himself, all the little things he can do to put a smile on my face are more than welcomed. I love feeling wanted and special. But you have to get there first, and know you have her interest, before you start dishing this out.
It's just when a guy feels like he has to put on airs or pretend to be something he's not that I start to think... 'yeah, he's trying too hard'.
Some typical examples are:
Name dropping (people, places or things you thinks are 'cool').
Bragging about your profession and how important you are.
Bragging about your wealth, house, or car.
Bragging about how great you are in bed (or how huge, well-curved and ultra satisfying your dick is).
Spending a lot of time insinuating or trying to prove how popular you are with the opposite sex.
Overloading a woman with meaningless compliments (a few well-timed sincere compliments are best).
Telling a woman what you think she wants to hear, but not really meaning any of it.
In terms of guys not getting the hint, as Sweetbitch mentioned, then any of the above combined with clingy behaviour will send a woman running, and start cueing the use of the "stalker" descriptive.
If I LIKE the guy, then I typically really enjoy the attention though! As long as he's being himself, all the little things he can do to put a smile on my face are more than welcomed. I love feeling wanted and special. But you have to get there first, and know you have her interest, before you start dishing this out.
It's just when a guy feels like he has to put on airs or pretend to be something he's not that I start to think... 'yeah, he's trying too hard'.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by SweetBitch
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Just a quick question on this from a guy who knows he tries to hard sometimes, and other times, gets the girl he doesn't want with no effort at all. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between legitimate disinterest, and playing hard to get?
Quote by SweetBitch
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Of course this could be hard to read if the girl is also shy... If she glances often and quickly at your face rather than your eyes, then that will mean she is shy but interested. Then I would suggest, proceed with caution.
Quote by Jebru
Just a quick question on this from a guy who knows he tries to hard sometimes, and other times, gets the girl he doesn't want with no effort at all. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between legitimate disinterest, and playing hard to get?
If a girl turns slightly away from you, but her shoulders and backbone are straight, and she may be twirling her hair and running her fingers around the top of her glass ... I would say she may/is playing hard to get. As long as her arms are not crossed... crossed arms is another way of saying f**k off.
But if she turns away and her shoulders are slumped over and she is turned into the opposite direction as much as possible... I would say she is wishing for you to go and leave her alone and is hoping the ground will open up and swallow her.
Alpha Blonde
Quote by JebruQuote by SweetBitch
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Just a quick question on this from a guy who knows he tries to hard sometimes, and other times, gets the girl he doesn't want with no effort at all. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between legitimate disinterest, and playing hard to get?
I say, life is too short to play hard to get! I've never been one of those "The Rules" girls where you have to play games like pretending you aren't interested, or cancelling dates, or using complicated 'hot and cold' body language. If I'm interested, I'm fairly transparent.
Otherwise it ends up with the girl being the one "trying too hard to act like she cares too little".
I can't handle the games. And honestly Jebru, if she's needing to fake it or complicate it, then I say move on to the next girl. She will probably end up being a total headcase later in the relationship anyways. Who wants to have to need a manual to figure out what their partner wants from them...?!
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by SweetBitchQuote by SweetBitch
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Of course this could be hard to read if the girl is also shy... If she glances often and quickly at your face rather than your eyes, then that will mean she is shy but interested. Then I would suggest, proceed with caution.
Quote by Jebru
Just a quick question on this from a guy who knows he tries to hard sometimes, and other times, gets the girl he doesn't want with no effort at all. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between legitimate disinterest, and playing hard to get?
If a girl turns slightly away from you, but her shoulders and backbone are straight, and she may be twirling her hair and running her fingers around the top of her glass ... I would say she may/is playing hard to get. As long as her arms are not crossed... crossed arms is another way of saying f**k off.
But if she turns away and her shoulders are slumped over and she is turned into the opposite direction as much as possible... I would say she is wishing for you to go and leave her alone and is hoping the ground will open up and swallow her.
Wow! That sounds complicated. I think I'll just go with Dancing Doll's suggestion, and stick to the girls who actually appear interested. The ones who play the games will just lose out.
And sorry Nicola, I think I hijacked your thread.
Artistic Tart
Quote by JebruLMAO, that's funny on a couple different levels.
And sorry Nicola, I think I hijacked your thread.
To answer your question, Nic: It takes an awful lot of swerve for a guy to keep trying and keep trying, when I show every sign of not being interested, and eventually have it pay off with me 'getting' interested as a result. It's happened a few times, but not often at all.
Common 'try too hard' things guys do:
1) keep texting and emailing me after I stopped responding- or even worse- never responded to begin with.
2) recite this elaborate pick up line/routine that is obviously rehearsed. If you can't sell me on you, forget it.
3) trying to kiss or touch after my body language clearly shut you out. Trying to mug on me after I turned you away does not make you more attractive.
4) insist on paying after I already turned it down- you're not buying any pussy if it's not for sale- sorry!
5) cornering me for conversation
6) inviting yourself places with me
If you find yourself doing any of these things, immediately stop and recognize yourself as somebody that's trying too hard. Step away from Xuani and stop wasting your time. Go find somebody that's interested. It's a big world, that person is out there.
Quote by Jebru
Wow! That sounds complicated. I think I'll just go with Dancing Doll's suggestion, and stick to the girls who actually appear interested. The ones who play the games will just lose out.
And sorry Nicola, I think I hijacked your thread.
Me too Nic, sorry
and to Jebru, who said love was meant to be easy
And I like to say, I don't like girls that play games, bedroom yes, but out off, no.... Alpha Blonde
Quote by LadyX
[
6) inviting yourself places with me
Oooh... good one! Who hasn't had a guy try to figure out what bar you're going to next so that he can show up there uninvited and stalk you some more in the hopes you'll change your mind after a few more drinks.
The worst one is when you excuse yourself to go to the ladies room at a bar in an effort to end the conversation politely, and when you come out of the bathroom, you find him waiting for you at the entrance...
The point is, if we are interested, we will get your number before leaving to go to the next bar, and in the case of going to the bathroom, you just have to trust that we'll find our way back to you if we care enough to.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by SweetBitch
and to Jebru, who said love was meant to be easy
Love may not be easy, but there's a long path between the initial approach, and falling in love. That doesn't have to be as difficult as it seems to be some times. lol
When a guy starts obsessing over you ~ it isn't just a turn off, but it is damn annoying and gives the impression that one is so desperate and has nothing better in their lives to do than to try and figures yours out completely. Really... who wants to be with a desperate guy, we are worth more than that.
Active Ink Slinger
Sometimes its cute when a guy is trying really hard. But I admit it makes them less attractive if they are constantly texting and bugging you. Sometimes when a guy doesn't try much, maybe just a sweet thing here and there, it keeps me interested.
Moderator
Quote by JebruQuote by SweetBitch
The first thing guys should do, is learn basic body language...
If I am sitting at a bar, and you come over to chat me up and I face you and my body is pointed towards you, I am interested. If I turn my head and/or body away from you... I am NOT interested.
Just a quick question on this from a guy who knows he tries to hard sometimes, and other times, gets the girl he doesn't want with no effort at all. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between legitimate disinterest, and playing hard to get?
A woman who plays hard to get is someone who enjoys playing games. I'm sure she'll eventually just end up being hard to want. Better to spend your time on a woman who shows genuine interest.
And on the topic of men who try too hard, I think the best way to decide whether you're putting in too much effort is to picture the situation in reverse. Would you feel flattered/smothered/annoyed by the same behaviour from a woman?
Active Ink Slinger
Interesting topic. I think I once tried too hard to impress a girl back when I was a teenager. After my failed attempt I quickly decided to ditch the trying too hard approach. In fact, I kinda stopped making any obvious moves towards women. Thinking back to the women I've been with I kinda let them take the first step.
Even at parties I'm often just goofing off with no intention of impressing any women. But there's always 1 or 2 women who pick up the challenge and we hit it off. Often it doesn't lead to anything, the women are already married/engaged, have a bf or are just not interested in anything more than friendship. But it's good fun when you can goof off mixed with some nice measure of flirting.
Milan Kundera once wrote something like: it's not the consumption of the conquest that we thrive on, it's the success of actually conquering someone. I guess this fits in nicely with me being fine with just finding someone who picks up the challenge of conversing with me and having a great time together, regardless how long it lasts or whether it leads to anything.
It's similar to how things with hornybunny74 started. We chatted and I was my usual painter self (charming/annoying/arrogant/funny/etc.). After the first chat session she said she really liked me which I openly doubted by saying she didn't even know me so how could she already have decided to really like me. Good thing she kept at it and proved repeatedly how much she likes me.
The way I chat with her is similar to how I chat with any other woman really. There's no point in trying too hard or pretending to be something else than yourself so I always find out soon enough whether someone is really interested in me or whether I'm too much to handle.
Even at parties I'm often just goofing off with no intention of impressing any women. But there's always 1 or 2 women who pick up the challenge and we hit it off. Often it doesn't lead to anything, the women are already married/engaged, have a bf or are just not interested in anything more than friendship. But it's good fun when you can goof off mixed with some nice measure of flirting.
Milan Kundera once wrote something like: it's not the consumption of the conquest that we thrive on, it's the success of actually conquering someone. I guess this fits in nicely with me being fine with just finding someone who picks up the challenge of conversing with me and having a great time together, regardless how long it lasts or whether it leads to anything.
It's similar to how things with hornybunny74 started. We chatted and I was my usual painter self (charming/annoying/arrogant/funny/etc.). After the first chat session she said she really liked me which I openly doubted by saying she didn't even know me so how could she already have decided to really like me. Good thing she kept at it and proved repeatedly how much she likes me.
The way I chat with her is similar to how I chat with any other woman really. There's no point in trying too hard or pretending to be something else than yourself so I always find out soon enough whether someone is really interested in me or whether I'm too much to handle.
Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Matriarch
Quote by classybritlady
just be urself and dont try to impress . i once had a lad hit me with a pool cue as we palyed pool he thought he was flirting . now the pool cue has developed into a whip . god i love my man
Classy!
Welcome to the site.
Some good answers here =d>
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dancing_Doll[img][/img]
I think 'trying too hard' is a guy trying to be something he's not, in order to impress a woman or gain her approval.
Some typical examples are:
Name dropping (people, places or things you thinks are 'cool').
Bragging about your profession and how important you are.
Bragging about your wealth, house, or car.
Bragging about how great you are in bed (or how huge, well-curved and ultra satisfying your dick is).
Spending a lot of time insinuating or trying to prove how popular you are with the opposite sex.
Overloading a woman with meaningless compliments (a few well-timed sincere compliments are best).
Telling a woman what you think she wants to hear, but not really meaning any of it.
In terms of guys not getting the hint, as Sweetbitch mentioned, then any of the above combined with clingy behaviour will send a woman running, and start cueing the use of the "stalker" descriptive.
If I LIKE the guy, then I typically really enjoy the attention though! As long as he's being himself, all the little things he can do to put a smile on my face are more than welcomed. I love feeling wanted and special. But you have to get there first, and know you have her interest, before you start dishing this out.
It's just when a guy feels like he has to put on airs or pretend to be something he's not that I start to think... 'yeah, he's trying too hard'.
see again I quote you and I still totally agree
Active Ink Slinger
Every girl loves compliments, but I hate when a guy gives me too many before he really knows me. To me, that's a sign that he's trying too hard.
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