I want to know how women cope being single long/term. I have done the married thing/ babies etc then the separting thing. I'm realising being single is no picnic sometimes.
I want positive answers - nothing negative. If it's negative - sugar coat it for me please.
So what have you got???????
Please stay positive!
Honeybee- I've never been married, never had kids, and if you factor in a few other things too, we probably don't have much in common. But, I'm single, and I love it. Why? I'm not responsible to anyone, I don't owe anyone an explanation for what I do, where I go, when I'm going to be home, and who I'll be with. I don't have to share my money, I don't have to ask if whatever music I listen to, or TV/Movie I want to watch is okay with the other person. I am me, I don't have to be anything else for anyone else's benefit.
Sex? I still have it, but I'm not limited to one person, and I can have it on my terms, not when I'm tired or not feeling well, but feel bad for the guy I'm living with who is horny at the time. I can be around people anytime I want, but I'm not stuck with people when I want to be alone at night.
There are drawbacks to all of these things, sure. And not everyone views sex/life, etc like I do, but I wanted to share the positives of single life as I see them. Hope you at least smile, if this doesn't help you. Keep ya head up, girl!
I've been single since I was 22 and I do get the feeling that I want to be with someone who loves me for me. I just focus on myself and try to have positive things around me. I want to attract good karma into my life and stay far away from negativity. Now that I'm 28, I'm secure in knowing that marriage is in the cards for me, and so is children.
As far as sex goes, there is one guy I've been boinking off and on for a few years now. He's on the road a lot for work and when we do get together, safe sex is always an option to prevent any pregnancies or catch anything. I may be living with my mother right now, but that doesn't mean that I can't go out and have my fun. I am enjoying the single life right now and I'm happy doing that!
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I spent an afternoon with my dad's long lost sister this afternoon, she and her husband both live on a canal boat, hmmmmmm it got me to thinking really positivly, the thought of being able to go where ever the canal barge takes you. I quite like the idea of that being able to roam around freely without the constraints on a house etc.
It s hard, believe me. i was married (thank God no kids), divorced 5 years now, living alone since then... it s hard.
I was single for about 18 months when my husband and I separated. I quickly discovered many positive things, so a bit silly, but some quite deep.
Silly:
You get the whole sofa to yourself
You can fall asleep on it without somone pestering you to come to bed
When you do go to bed you get the whole bed to yourself
No towels/boxers/socks left on the bedroom/bathroom/any floor- unless you put them there yourself!
Deep:
Not responsible/answerable to anybody
Can learn to enjoy your own company again
Can just sit and think without being interrupted
No wondering what partner is up to/plotting/ thinking etc
For me my time as a singleton was very pleasant and I think has made me a far more emotionally strong person and I like myself again.
Hope this is positive enough for you.
x
1-if someone hits on you and you find them incredibly attractive and decide to go home with them, you don't have to feel guilty the next morning.
2-possibilities. every day is a new day where you might meet someone incredible, your soul mate, and fall in love for ever and ever. And if it doesn't happen today, it could happen tommorrow.
3-you get really good at writing emo poetry.
4-you don't have to pretend to be interested in your partner's interests or pretend to like their best friend.
on a serious note (not that some of these weren't serious) i find that i cope by keeping busy - working, writing, riding my bike, making sure i am getting lots of social time with people i enjoy, and i try not to let myself wallow in self pity. sitting around the house being sad might be easy to do, but it will drag you down and wear you out. find a new hobby, join a club, just keep active.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Lush Ladies and Gentlemen, I have had a very different experience than most. I have been married for over 20 years and we are still very much in love.
That goes mean sharing the money, well at least the money we make together. It does mean a joint decision on films, music and joint vacations. It does mean letting the other know it is now 3:00AM and I will not be home tonight. It does mean accepting that he wants me to get off the sofa and come to bed because he loves me. It does mean having him there most mornings when I wake up.
It does not mean explaining where I have been and who I have been with. It does not mean telling that hot guy at the club that I am married and unavailable. I does not mean that I forego a weekend or a week's trip with friends for experimentation in ecstasy. That does not mean that I can not hit on that hot guy or ever hotter girl.
We seem to be one of the few marriages that the participants are completly happy with each other and would do the same thing again.
We seem to be one of the few couples that can be with others and not suffer recriminations for you actions or at least the next fight.
Yes we have fights like everyone else and yes we have our flaws too like everyone else!
I could not imagine being without a husband or a partner
If I could be single sure. I have been married almost 20 years and have put up with a lot of junk from hiim. I'm not saying all guys are this way. My parents let me do more stuff than him. He has to know my where abouts all the time (no I am not the one who cheated...I guess he knows what he done and knows he cant be trusted). I tell my daughter to live with them and never get married to them because its to darn expensive to divorce them. (Dukes of Hazzard Movie: Uncle Jessie: Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it!" Sure, I would like to have someone to hold me at night or talk to me about my day, but shoot I don't have that now so being single probably would be an easy adjustment for me. It takes two to make a marriage and when only one tries its pretty hard to keep it together.
That is just my thoughts based on my own life.
Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. It can turn out to be the most empowering and liberating time of your life. It terms of personal growth, I think the most strides can be made while being single. After all, that's why they call it "personal" growth. As much as we all want to cling to the idea of another person 'completing us'... the reality is that you are the only person that is guaranteed to be with you for the rest of your life... so you'd better like that person.
I spent three years in a toxic relationship, during which the man I 'loved' spent about two of those years chipping away at my self-esteem as a form of psychological control until I didn't feel I could ever do any better than him. He criticized me constantly... from what I wore, to how I looked, to what I said at dinner parties, to how I spent my time. Once, he found some of my hidden writing (non-erotica) and belittled that, so I stopped writing for over two years. I can look back on it now and recognize his own insecurities that maybe caused him to need to tear me down to make sure I'd never leave him. He wasn't ever physically abusive or anything, but he knew all my vulnerabilities and how to push my buttons, and the emotional can often be just as painful. So it was a volatile couple of years, with a lot of highs and lows, where I didn't feel very confident in who I was anymore. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, and basically just ended up masking my sadness and turning instead to heavy partying to escape my psychological bruises, all the while still inanely trying to win his approval. And let's face it, with these kinds of assholes... it's never really possible.
Becoming single again was almost like being re-born. I didn't have to worry if I was doing something wrong, or when the next fight would happen, or staring at the clock at 4am and wondering why he wasn't home yet. I could wear what I wanted, find the courage to start writing again, and basically slowly start getting my confidence back by engaging in the world again being 100% me. When I look at who I was back then, compared to now, it's like night and day differences. Sure, I will always have some emotional scars, but I can start to rationalize his behaviour now that I'm away from it, and stop believing all the negatives he kept drilling into my head. Being single meant that I could find myself again, figure out what I want from life, and realize that I have all these possibilities that are still open to me. You don't even know what your own life's puzzle is going to look like at the end of it all, but the thrill of imagining what it COULD be is still one of the things that makes me smile when I wake up in the morning.
Enjoy it... Get yourself a good vibrator/dildo and a neighbors kid to mow the lawns and your sorted!
"I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing." - Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Women
MissJess 
