Well this post is for other women with teenage daughters like me. I'd like your thoughts as I'm confused and in a dark place. I started dating a really nice man named David about four months ago. We had a mutual interest in sailing and crewed on a boat together and we sort of "sparked". Well David is a bit younger than me at 34, but he made me laugh and he was a very talented and attentive lover. The sex was simply wonderful after being in a neglected state for so long since my separation and divorce. Yes I've had short term relationships, but nothing sustained with a strong and attentive lover. I started to bloom again I think and smiled a lot. I started to go to movies and restaurants again and really have fun. All of a sudden about a month ago he just ended everything with no real explanation. Then my daughter Stephanie started to act funny and to stay out much later than she did before and to "sleep over" at friends houses?? Something didn't feel right and then I confronted her when I called her friend's mother and she wasn't really at their house. It turns out she is seeing David now and they started sleeping together when I thought I was still dating him? I feel betrayed, but even more betrayed by my daughter. The last few days has seen a lot of tears by us both. Stephanie says she loves David and that their time together makes her feel wonderful. I don't know what to do? Should I try to force her to stop seeing him? She's nineteen so I don't really have much control. I know she was shattered by my divorce and this affected her feelings towards men. I feel like I have lost my husband (good riddance) but I don't want to lose my daughter as well? Confused and depressed? Any ideas ladies? Sorry this is so long?
This relationship between your daughter and your boyfriend probably won't last. Your relationship with your daughter will. I know it's hard to see the big picture when you're feeling betrayed, but my advice would be to let them be together if they want. If he's the kind of man who would dump you for your daughter, then he's not the man for you anyway. He'll probably dump her for someone else too.
Sooner or later he'll be out of the picture. Don't let your relationship with your daughter take a hit because of this asshole. Suck it up and be her friend - she's going to need one.
I am a divorced mom of 3 daughters (late teens, early 20's). Luckily I have never experienced what you have and truly feel for you. I agree with Darcy. The guy is a jerk and is just looking for sex. Your daughter may think she loves him but she will eventaully realize the kind of man he is. Your daughter did betray you but she is young and I am sure it was not her intention. She probably fell for his fake charms and was so overwhelmed. And she will eventaully realize how she hurt you and apologize. She is your daughter, just love her and be there for her. She will need you always!! Just be strong for both of your sakes.
i don't have children. that said... the guys a douche bag. your daughter is 19. i did a lot of dumb things when i was 19. we all did. eventually, i figured it out. when i was 19 i was on the outs with my dad. big time. but you know, when i needed him, he was still there for me, and eventually we patched things up and i'm SO glad that i had that chance, that he gave me that chance. i would have been heartbroken if he hadn't. what she did hurt you, obviously - she is going to figure that out one day, probably when you're there for her after this douche bag starts fucking some other hottie. and she'll grow up and you'll end up with a better relationship because of all this.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
She's your daughter, she's bound to have somewhat same taste in men as you do.
He might leave her, she might leave him, but if they don't I think it's better for you to accept the fact that these two persons fell in love and are now a couple.
This summer my mother and I met the same man during the same weekend.
She was devastated when she found me walking around with him.
He was a gentleman, bought both of us beer. My mum told me about her attraction to him so I, as the obedient child, let him go.
She didn't even want him later on.. sheesh.. But she told me about him and how sweet he was and how hot he was in only boxers.. (gee thanks mum, for stealing him and rubbing it in.)
There are other men who've been after me who when they can't have me try with my mother.
Makes me realise how very right I was turning them down.
This man/child is without ethics or morals and hopefully your daughter will see through him sooner than later, stick by her, she will need your love, wisdom, and understanding.
Good luck in a difficult situation.
Your daughter is forever. Embrace her, support her and love her.
omg!! what kind of a asshole sleeps with a mother and a daughter at the same time??(that is.. not a lush story)
you dump that guy, you get your girl to dump this guy
my god...get into therapy with your daughter asap..there is a LOT more to this than u are telling us..i am 100 percent sure
your girl is the most important thing here...
wow....this guy makes me want to wretch...
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
I agree with the general consensus here. She's 19. She's still figuring out a lot of shit. This guy is much older and knows exactly what to say to get her to fall for him. And I'm sure since she's your daughter, you've talked a lot about her...especially to him while you guys were dating. My guess is that he used that to his advantage. The best thing you can do is be there for your daughter, because she's gonna need you big time.
And when he eventually breaks her heart, don't be all "I told you so." about it. She's going to be humiliated enough as it is. Just support her as best you can.
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I know this is supposed to be for the ladies but i wanted to just say the guy sounds like a sexual leech or something like that, the fact he would treat you so nice and then turn around and then do that with your daughter is not only sick and wrong but its cruel not only to you but to your daughter. I dont see their relationship as something that will last and then your daughter will feel im sure as badly as you if not worse. The only thing i could think to do in a situation like that would be to sit down with your daughter and just talk to her. There isnt much else you can do but i do not believe you have lost your daughter.
Actually I can totally sorta relate to this situation. My mom is divorced and kinda went "boy crazy" after my dad left. Given her age and the way the world is today she started dating younger guys. Actually I have been quite attracted to some of them. I think this can be natural. Your daughter is young and inexperienced and probably the divorce left her shattered. When my dad left I got really fucked up and had a relationship with a much older man who took my virginity. It actually turned out fine, but as a mother you need to go with the flow and accept her mistakes. Just love her as much as you can even though I'm sure you're furious. At her age I'm sure he seems very sophisticated and stuff and probably the sex is much better than with the younger guys she's used to. I'm sure his "shine" will dull in time and she'll come back to you if you accept her.
I want to thank all of you who took the time from your no doubt busy days to post suggestions. My FURY has abated somewhat, but it is still hard to deal with. I have resolved to maintain my love for my daughter irrespective of her insensitivity to my feelings. I feel it is part of my role as a mother to be wounded and to accept the pain. I do not accept what Stephanie has done, but I hope she will return to me at some point and we can repair our relationship. It was very hard yesterday when Stephanie got ready to go out and I saw her all dressed up and realized she would be meeting David. Painful does not even come close, but I didn't say a single word. (Thanks ladies...you helped). Stephanie did not come home last night and I got little sleep, but I have become determined to overcome this situation. I have dealt with my divorce so I know I can deal with this.
Well I really feel for you.....gosh....if my daughter ever did that to me (haha don't laugh it could happen) I'd cut off her phone, her credit card, her internet.....I'd think about violent abuse.....probably later I'd calm down since it's only a man. They are pathetic/weak creatures who generally just follow their little head wherever it leads. As Tazz said he's a "man/child", but generally they all are. They are just built that way I find. Your daughter is 19 and at the point in her life when her body and her skin is the most radiant and the most appealing to men. Most probably from the divorce she is looking for a male father-figure type in her life and this fellow just happened along. I'm sure she'll get him out of her system after a few weeks. Good luck darling.....hugs from a distant place are being sent your direction.
Hello, know this is for ladies, but I came upon this topic after going to your site. I dated a mother and daughter. I knew the daughter first and we worked together and dated several times. I like to joke around and she was just a little too serious. Before we stopped seeing each other she moved in with her mother (Sherry had a baby girl) and two sisters. So I did meet her mother one time. Quite a while later a buddy and I started hanging out at this one dance club and we had a habit of picking one waitdress station and going to that spot all the time. Reason being that way we didn't have to spend a lot on drinks and just tip the waitdress real good and treat her right. Anyway one night she told us she had two girls she would like us to meet and then asked us to turn around (we were at the bar) and there sat two very pretty girls (two of her daughters). One of them Sherry. It turned out that Bobbie the waitdress was her mother. (I loved how she looked in her very short and sexy uniform at the club and couldn't keep my eyes off her).
To make it short I started dating Sherry again. I even took her and Bobbie out to dinner and dancing and Sherry got a little jealous as her mother and I danced close. One night I had the other two girls in my car taking them someplace when they said they had something to tell me. They told me their mom liked me. Sherry and I realized that we still didn't hit it off all that much, but I was still "with her".
I would come over to the house and have dinner with the girls and we would end up watching TV, (they liked the Playboy channel). Watching x rated videos with four hot girls and my cock getting hard put me in a rather embarrassing position. Sherry was still a little jealous, but I started dating her mother. Bobbie was hot and sexy and she had once told me when I picked her up after work that she was a good cock sucker. (Hey, even I could see she was making a play on me.) Well she was right and I enjoyed being with her, but always felt funny about having dated the daughter and now the mother, besides the youngest daughter looked so much like her mother that I wondered if she was as good as her mother.
Well I know some guys would say I had a good thing that might have gotten better, but I felt all I would do in the end was cause problems with the family so I broke things off as polite as I could. When I'm a 101 and looking back I'll wish I had thought more of my cock instead of the their feelings, but till then I felt I did the right thing.
Girls are cock happy. It always surprises us guys, but you girls are and not to be sexist women can be close and BFF one minute and fighting like alley cats another. And when it comes to men you do think of our pussies even more than we male pigs think of our cocks. This guy is a jerk and in time your daughter will see that point. He will hurt her the way he hurt you. I know neighter you nor I would want that, but the other women on here will back me up on that point I am sure. When it happens you know she will come to you. Look at it this way. You were lucky you found out about him before it went really serious and you found him with your daughter under your roof. She is young and has to learn lilfe on her own. But having a loving mother to come back too (and she will) will be part of the lesson she is going to learn.
..and don't forget that kids only understand reverse psychology. If you tell her not to see David then she'll do the opposite. As a parent I think (most) of the advice given above is sound. Stand firm, be big and strong and wait to give your daughter the shoulder to cry on when she needs it. Parenting is tough and even tougher on your own. Good luck
Advise your daughter to steer clear but if she's stubborn let her make and learn from her own mistakes. Don't take it out on her - she's young and young girls can be easily led (trust me, I know!) Give her time and she'll eventually see through the prick.
- g
