But when it comes down to it, I get shot down every time. I have been called the nicest/sweetest guy in the world more then once. (Today actually) I'm starting to think that being nice doesn't mean anything. All the assholes that just care about sex and such always get the girl. The girls get used and abused and they go back over and over. Here I am sitting along.. Not by choice. I'm not a teenager and I'll leave it at that.
That's not the rap you use when you talk to woman is it? Could be the root of the problem...
Some woman are always going to be attracted to those blokes you describe, obviously you don't put yourself in that catergory. What are you looking for in a woman why you've noticed the low self esteem female and take the time to wonder and write why? Is it really worth the energy to figure them out or is this the type you yourself are attracted to ... the needy?
So your a nice guy and obviously thats a quality thats been picked up on, go with it someone (female) will eventually notice that and any other qualities you have. Curiosity may lead to a date, good luck
Looks matter as well as personality. Lets face it, there has to be that chemistry there to begin with. I could't ever see myself marrying a fella just because he was a good talker and listener. It has to be the best of both worlds.
To be honest, I couldn't even cyber with someone I wasn't interested in looks wise or personality wise.
Do you always approach really attractive/beautiful girls or do you go more for the girl-next-door type? Men who complain that women don't notice them often do the same thing themselves, they overlook the not-so-glamorous ones in their efforts to snag the hottest women.
It's easy to blame women for your loneliness, but it won't help you find someone. You seem to think your niceness is what's holding you back but if you really take an honest look at yourself and the way you approach women, you'll realise it's something else.
it depends what you really seek. if girls only care about looks, when they find a better looks guy than you, they will leave you. if they care your heart, she will stay with you even if you don't look very well. she can be bored with a good looks in a short time, but good heart never. leaving a good heart is not so easy, it is harder than leaving a good looks guy
I have heard the "Girls don't date nice guys" thing for years. Women are typically honest with a man within the first 2 dates about their feelings for them. They are usually sensitive enough to hone in and hype up your best traits before 'lowering the boom'. Yes, I'm sure you are a nice guy but if you asked women (Hey, good follow up Forum question) what traits do you value in a man that would make you want to pursue a relationship with him; I gonna guess you will hear things like:
1. A man who knows what he wants
2. Strong sense of direction.
3. Ambition
4. Looks (facial, over all)
5. Looks (shape, size)
And related stuff... just as men look for beauty and sexuality, women, intentionally or not, seek 'providers', 'protectors'.
Men often accuse women of being motivated by money this is actually not a huge motivator either BUT... sucessful men often have the traits of the 'provider/protector' they seek.
Don't assume that because a man has a strong sex drive and is ambitious that he isn't also 'a nice guy'.
You need not take my advice on this... but next time a girl is telling you 'gee you're a nice guy but...' or 'I just wanna be friends', take that minute to ask: "what traits do you look for in a partner?". Learn from the burn!
I hate to say it but Looks Do Matter! You may be the nicest, sweetest most caring, fun loving guy or girl in the world but the physical attraction has to be there or you will never get to the point where you find out how nice that person is.
Are looks the #1 thing you look for, only trying to meet super hot women every other guy wants? Do you act like the guy that no one wants? If you think and act like no one wants you, then be sure no one will want you.
You can blame women or men, depending on preference, for your rejections and for being lonely. But in the end it doesn really matter why, you wiull still be lonely. Figure out the problem and fix it.
Find out what works for you. Live your life!!!
Women will always say looks don't matter. I'm not saying you have to be good looking to get a girl but thats the first thing women see then it goes on to the personality. Try getting to know someone first and don't come on to strong with them. Everyones beautiful in their own way and there is someone out there for everyone you've just got to relax and not look to hard. Expect the unexpected. I would personally go for someone with looks but i wouldnt seperate people who are average looking from the good looking ones. Looks catch the eye, personality catches the heart as they say. I couldn't marry someone just for their looks though, so as long as you have a good heart you will find someone.
Some very good points made there. I agree with the others who've said, if you're not magazine cover material you may have to set your sights a little lower. Consider how you factor in looks and see if you're doing the same thing you're criticising girls for doing.
The truth is, looks can be a very important factor, especially if all the person is looking for is a hook up. What do you actually want out of a relationship? Do you want something serious and long term, or just a bit of fun? As some of the others have already said, consider where you're looking and ask yourself if you really expect to find the kind of girl you want there.
And remember, there are looks and then there are looks[/l]. You can only blame genetics for so much. A little effort to get a decent hair cut, buy clothes that suit (and fit) you and the way you conduct yourself count for a lot. If you've got bad teeth or a crooked nose, distract away from it with a sharp outfit and confident attitude.
i think you are all taking this a little serious.
looks matter, if you are fat, to thin, to tall, to short. you would'nt accept a drink from a man who doesn't appeal to you.
books are judged exactly on their covers.
the thing you have to think about is matching the cover to the genre.
tall women like tall men, sports women like sports men,ect
i believe this.
if a man appears confident, self assured and relaxed but not arrogant, it only takes a certain smile and gesture to break down
the sternest of fronts.
i know i'm taking this in a different direction but thats how i feel about this subject.
I have dated some pretty ugly men because they really did have good personalities. I have dated handsome men who presented themselves as having a good persoanlity so later became monsters. Do looks matter? To me it is really about their confidence level and how they take care of themselves. I don't care how cute someone is if they have poor hygiene, habits, or personality I don't find them attractive.
I have found that people who are not considered attractive by society's norms will often assume their looks are the reason they can't find love or become successful when in fact it is more likely due to a lack of self confidence and the chip on their shoulder because of that assumption. Also, not so attractive good guys tend to try too hard because they are trying to overcompensate for their looks.
Bottom line, at least for me, is a confident secure person.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X
Well looks do matter, because us girls, just like guys want to feel attracted to the guy. Also, I like being treated like a Princess, but not all the time. A guy needs to have a spine and also being funny helps. I personally am really attracted to smart guys, so it just depends on the girl. Some girls love lots of muscles, but for me I like just toned bodies. Also you can meet a guy and he doesn't attract you right away and you think his body/face is not your type. But then the more you get to know him the more attractive he becomes because of his personality, his sense of humor, etc. Mostly don't be a loser in your life. Don't spend your day playing X-box or wasting your time. Us girls like interesting guys who are doing something with their life. Take up a sport (rock climbing), learn to cook (I love Italian), travel (a man who has been exotic places is so sexy), study wine, do something so you are interesting and active. I hate couch potatoes.
Lots of good stuff has been said before me. Never the less there are certainly women in the world would accept a guys with less than the "Handsome Title" but what makes the first connection. Looks are still way ahead of whatever else is on the list.
Deepdown we still have the cave woman mentality of "Who will be the best breeder"
Whenever you start out a statement or question with ALL you are definately WRONG.
But what could a newbie know.
Well some really interesting comments. 1 or 2 to be helpful. I am currently growing a beard to try something new. My personality is pretty good. I have my flaws. But when you are called, " the sweetest guy I've ever met", "the nicest guy ever", "no one else says such nice things about me" more times then I have fingers and toes on both hands and feet and I still get over-looked. What else is one to think? I refuse to beleive that all women are shallow because I have seen some interesting match-ups with people I consider less "nice" or less "easy going" then myself. For the record I could keep this going conversation forever because I like talking about topics with a group of people.
Inconclusion: we men on average are bigger ass-holes by very far, but women have their darks moments too.
Women want guys that are basically "nice" and "sweet" but there are other criteria on their list too (and I'm not talking about physical attractiveness).
but...
should we automatically assume that a guy that is told that he is the "sweetest, nicest guy ever" automatically translates into being "perfect"? Women look for a lot of different things when it comes to being a compatible personality for them. It doesn't meant that guys are either nice/sweet OR total assholes. Think about the gray zone in between. Maybe there's just a mismatch and she's trying to give you a compliment. It doesn't necessary mean that it's about looks.
A nice/sweet guy with a great body doesn't really translate into the perfect man for a lot of women (including me). There's more to it than that. But when we see the incompatibility, we tend to default to complimenting a guy's positive traits before backing off. It doesn't mean the only reason we don't want to date him is because he isn't hot enough.
This is stating the obvious, but personally I like a man to not really over analyse his feelings and emotions. I think guys tend to do this a lot these days, conditioned by what they are fed by magazines and television. I am turned off by an over groomed man too, I don't want him hogging my bathroom time! Looks are important of course, who could fall for somebody they didn't find even a of attraction towards? It's just a matter of if and when the attraction grows.
I got a couple of friends so ugly that even I know they're ugly, but they are super nicer outgoing guys and have hooked up even married absolutely gorgeous glamorous chicks. Of course family money and high paying jobs probably improved their appearance.
, non individuals, and generally non opinionated.
to you then no, I'm not going to date you. I seek strong confident men, men who know what they want. If he's gonna whine about sitting home alone...SEE YA! 
