"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
I LOVE THIS! We could turn this into a Game! If any other Author can find a risible or badly written post in MY work (and I'm SURE they exist!!!!) I'd love to hear about it.... and rest assured that I will comb thru' that writer's work to find a similar faux-pas!!!! THIS COULD START WARS!!!! (Not really! But it could cause blushes!!!)
x S
The pancake batter looked almost perfect, like the morning sun shining on the cream-colored bare shoulder of a gorgeous young blonde driving 30 miles over the speed limit down a rural Nebraska highway with the rental car's sunroof open, except it had a few lumps.
He had the mysterious scent of a mysterious man who was on a mysterious journey through a mysterious land; in point of fact, he was quite an ordinary man, and his scent was water and soap, with some normal perspiration all mixed in, mysteriously.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
As I snaked the sinewy fingers of my right hand, attached to my right arm, down the front elastic waistband of her spandex leggings, those same fingers soon came into contact with moist and course pubic hair which felt much like the wet sawgrass you might brush against in an Everglade's marshy swamp, after an afternoon Florida thunderstorm.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Not knowing what I was doing I continued doing it and suddenly in a whirling gblaze of shining light all seemed clear except it wasnt' since just as I was clearing the crud out of my eyes a bullfrog bellowed distracting me and sending my senses into overdrive I then knew that no matter where I was or where I was heading nothing would ever be the same again for me for all time except that a shitload of punctuation marks came reigning outta the nite ski like the revenge of a bad meal and I swore to never make the same mistakes agen fro all tyme well maybe not well cee.
As usual, Mr. Riddle came home from work, and, as usual, took the toy poodle, Fluffy, out for her walk, and, as usual, Fluffy "did her business" at the usual places, first at the bush, second, on the sidewalk, and third, in the grass, so that there, on the pavement, was evidence of Fluffy's evening sojourn: Mr. Riddle's little poodle's middle piddlle puddle.
As I finished my nineteenth beer, my cat, Cletis, meowed forlornly at me; I meowed, plaintively back - my dog, Shep, feeling left out, attempted to meow, but his mewling prompted both me and Clete to regurgitate this morning's 9-Lives Seafood Platter, all over Shep's fur coat, he being the dog he is, eagerly licked it off his hindquarters and ate it, I cracked open another Pabst and toasted our existence.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Oh NO! It was bad to stumble accross this thread while drinking coffee in a busy public place. Not only did my coffee end up all over my laptop and notebook but I was laughing so hysterically that someone came over to ask if I was okay and what was so funny. When I started to explain I just started laughing again. I had to pack up and leave because I was worried they were going to call the police or something. So here I am an hour later still laughing my head off in a hostel. Great Impression to make in a new town!
Mine are from the Worst Writing Awards of 2008. I just love 'em.
Her lips were full and wanting in the kind of way that your tongue anticipates the happy burn of Hunan beef followed by the cooling swill of cheap beer, but never a malt liquor, as that would bruise the delicate tang of monosodium glutamate, the kind that only Sue Hong uses, that probably exacerbates her water retention, causing her lips to be unnaturally full and plump and always thirsty.
"As my nipples were being twisted, teased and tormented, my arse was drilled, probed, manipulated and manhandled which antagonized my boiling testicles, coaxing explosions of my penis as a scarce upwelling of molten manjuice erupted flagellate organisms to capitulate my planetary orbit shifting climax!!!!"
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
"Mike Hummer had been a private detective so long he could remember Preparation A, his hair reminded everyone of a rat who'd bitten into an electrical cord, but he could still run faster than greased owl snot when he was on a bad guy's trail, and they said his friskings were a lot like getting a vasectomy at Sears."
"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."
--Molly Ringle, Seattle, Washington (2010 Winner) -- worst opening line for a novel.
Thousands of user submitted stories removed from the site. You are nothing without your users or their freely submitted stories.
Example: "She's getting quite good at it, and everytime, I feed her womb some more of my sperm, just to make sure she's nice and pregnant. No harm there, since she already is." There are worse.
"Don't forget your penis cream."
-Eugene Levy
He then coursed through the phone book, seeking male escort services, as he sought a little something different. It turned out to be, with his fading eyesight, he'd called a taxidermist by mistake who told him to "get stuffed" upon hearing his proposal.
The difference between night and day is like when the sun is on the other side of the planet, a hurricane or cyclone or monsoon has rolled in over your head or a full moon that isn't really full because you can't it reflecting light is eclipsing our solar source...making everything dark like night, instead of light, like day.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
I read the first page of posts, and was all, "But I LIKE crap analogies!".
And then I read the second page.
Oh dear god.
I'm not sure whether to worry about my own writing, or be so glad other people are this bad!
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.
*** 
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
LOL. Most of the examples are funny and golden, but when I think of wretched I think of seeing far worse.
That would be My own personal definition of Weally Wretched Writing.
