...chase the sexy black cat who hangs around this place, I remembered with a start that I wasn't really a dog, and with renewed vigor and sense of purpose I set about...
Looking for that black Kitty. Asking around and gathering leads, I soon learned that that this would be a difficult mission, since the Kitty was now shaved and bald. Would this change the way I felt about her or would this now shaven Kitty.........
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
be mistaken for a Naked Mole Rat and be taken back to the naked mole rat exhibit at the zoo? As I pondered the shaven kitty's fate, I realized the feline had given me FLEAS, damnit. How could a hairless cat have fleas? I knocked over a bottle of Don Julio Tequila Blanco that Dirty Martini and Gypsy Isabella left when last they visited to see if the alcohol would burn....
the essence of flea off me. Essence of Flea....hmmmm I thought 'What a great name for a band'. I then pondered the existence of music as I was in a contemplative mood. My favourite was a jangle pop with overtones of Umpah(ness). I hoped to release my own single 'Umpah all over Hamburg'. Right then...
... almost like somthing out of a certain movie that invloves a certain yellow brick road (or was it a chocolate factory?), a band of vertically challenged little people dressed in Lederhosens and funny hats emerged....
... singing and dancing, and waiting for Glinda, the good witch, who appeared and revealed she was actually a he, a mirror reversal version of "Walk on The Wild Side". Lou Reed waltzed through quite unexpectedly and...
I thought 'Holy hell is Lou Reed still alive?' and then I thought 'Am I still alive?' and realised that the air smelled like leaking gas. I stomped out my cigar. I called a gas man and he walked in and said "So I've come to fix your fridge...". I had seen a porn that started with the very line. Randomly...
Thoughts popped into my head. I will show him my collection of fridges dating back to the ice box age. He was pleasantly surprised, excited actually! Never has he nor I ever met another with such a love for refrigerators. We "talked " about fridges all afternoon and well into the morning hours. Weird how it was so hot around the cold fridges yet......
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
both his nipples and my own never once raised or swelled. He then explained to me that actual natural gas has no actual smell, but that his company and others introduce the skunky scent into the product, to help with...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
...the launch of a new line of floral scented natural gases, an idea which never really caught on with the public. Why it never took off always perplexed the poor gas man, who had really expected great success, even going as far as...
...patenting the trademark, FloraGas™. His situation had become so dire, he'd actually resorted to eating the flowers, to try and save money, as well as other cost cutting measures, such as...
...doing his own pet grooming, which had resulted in the shaved cat fiasco. I could see the hunger in his eyes, along with his wanton disregard for convention, and so I offered...
...disgusting! Ewww, what did you feed me, grasshoppers, when you've got a fridge full of fresh vegetables and a three-layer chocolate cake sitting on the counter?!" He turned to storm out, dropping his...
destiny to hear Arthur whine endlessly, "Dressing gown? I was supposed to be dressed in a BALL GOWN!" While endeavoring to mollify Arthur, I over imbibed and fell asleep in my Guinness, awakening as my sinuses screamed from the assault, leaving me to...
Break out the trusty Neti-pot for a quick sinus flush! Still a little out of it due to the over-imbidding, I reached for the solution to fill the neti-pot, and carelessly filled it with.......
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
to fiddle with the books. I had always thought of myself as a pretty honest guy. Being leant on by the mob had made me make that choice. The quintessential one between living and obeying the law. I looked across at Vinny,my handler and watched as the best looking broad I had ever seen walked into the room. She...
took one look at Vinny and got completely disgusted. "When's the last time that slime took a shower? Nevermind! Don't answer," she said as she licked her bee-stung pouting lips and straightened her pencil skirt. I felt...
a nearly overwhelming urge to inquire of her as to what she might have ingested over the previous twelve hours. She too, was passing voluminous quantities of FloraGas; her farts literally smelled like roses, or more appropriately...like the Eastern yellow variety of...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Lotus blossoms which had been yellowed and aged from being pressed within my book of Kobayashi Issa's haikus. I remember when we had plucked those particular blossoms off the Lotus tree. The day had been magically timeless and in it's own way deeply romantic. We had laughed as each attempt at making our own haikus had evolved more into dirty limericks. I'll never forget how you...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
...kept going into that stupid fake British accent you always do as you read the haikus, that will be the last time I take you out for drinks before haiku writing I made a mental note to myself. Another thing I should remember is...
the kinds of martinis that are your favorite. I want to take you to a poetry slam to hear a friend of mine read a poem she wrote after her ex-boyfriend...
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square dancing at the grange hall! You put on your gingham checks and the slip so that your skirt stands perpendicular from the flood, and do NOT forget your white KEDS sneakers. I'll wear my matching blue gingham checked shirt and be wondered what the F...
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
...wondered what the Fab Four would have sounded like doing a square dance gig and if perhaps they may have done a few in their early Cavern Club days. Somehow the thought of John Lennon shouting "Swing your partner dosey doe" while George and Ringo sang "Yeah, yeah, yeah" in the background just didn't seem right, so I thought perhaps instead...
...they'd been more into folk, not the Pete Seeger protest kind, but something far older, and much more resonant; celtic epics, perhaps, or a jig or two, and truly, giving up their black suits and ties for kilts had been tossed about on more then one occasion. It should be mentioned, at this time, that they'd employed a psychic who claimed that Paul, in his former like had been...
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
A WWE wrestler by the name of Basstone Brawler. His patented move was to swing his arm behind his back, over his head, hop on one leg and deliver the final.......
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
taunting gesture. With an indifferent shrug of his shoulders, he...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
...would use Vulcan mind control techniques to freeze his opponent and implant in their minds awful visions of...
Ben Affleck as characters from any and all of his movies. This move surely works wonders. And when coupled together with........
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
the roof off of my reactor containment unit. The level of chemistry induced...
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
...the answer to that age old question about the chicken or the egg. I had finally realized why a chicken coupe can only have two windows...if it had four, it would be called a "chicken sedan"...but, I could never figure out until now why chicken coupes don't have basements...realizing that the answer had been right in front of my eyes for so long, it was obviously...
