My Funny Valentine
My funny valentine is Four Seasons Total Landscaping; a tarmac plot of suburban mundanity trapped between porn and death.
My funny valentine is random piss splatters in the snow brazenly extolling its own creativity.
My funny valentine is shrivelled raisin scrotum, mangled, kneaded, massaged in the hope of a single glistening droplet.
My funny valentine is putrid cunt discharge smeared across virgin paper luminescent beneath the spotlight.
My funny valentine is a never-ending circle jerk; cocks and cunts exposed in self congratulatory display.
My funny valentine is halitosis words, vacuous and sacharine, masticated and spat out; bubble gum dregs to be devoured.
My funny valentine is pavement pizza spewed forth on a Saturday night, gratefully gobbled by uninitiated acolytes.
My funny valentine plays ring o roses; fingers embedded in sopping snatches as it dribbles its vanity. Skipping and rubbing. Rubbing and skipping
My funny valentine is scissor sisters conjoined and grinding blissful in reflected valediction.
My funny valentine is a hand held mirror, cum splattered and besmirched, its tongue smeared rose tinted vista the only true image.
My funny valentine has pustules decorating its cock, seeping puss as it plays trains. Cock in arse, cock in cunt. Busy, busy tongues buried deep.
My funny valentine is naked when clothed. Paraded before us with oblivious footsteps and blinded eyes.
My funny valentine is cuckolds and cuckqueans revelling in the propaganda of their own pleasure as they're passed over and ignored.
My funny valentine is a juice scummed vibrator, batteries flattened and cellophane shredded, buzzing and whining in self gratification.
My funny valentine is doing as your told, unquestioningly compliant as your kept safe and secure in your clamps and bondage.
My funny valentine is a spittle sheened ball gag pushed deep between stretched lips, tongue flattened as gurgled nonsense dribbles in incandescent silence.
My funny valentine is old men fumbling with their flies in a corporate uniform breeze block hotel as they shower nubile flesh in rose petals.
My funny valentine is always gloom and grey; sunlight stripped days illuminated only by its disingenuous beacons.
My funny valentine is getting caught in a shower in a summer frock as golden droplets bead on self righteous cunt lips and trickle from flaccid cocks.
My funny valentine is rubbing, stroking, caressing over and over and over and over. Edging to pleasure always denied. Edging to release all so contrived.
My funny valentine is fantastical creatures frightening all with grimacing grins and spiteful smiles.
My funny valentine is an undistressed damsel atop it's tower, flowing locks flicking at all that dare enter its presence.
My funny valentine is a tarnished knight; rusted sword hand stroked as it strides about all it surveys, empty cod piece thrusting malignant.
My funny valentine is delovely. I know this to be true. It's oft repeated enough.
Yes, you should have a hazard label on you, "warning CG will be your every fantasy"
8 December 1909: 44 Fontenoy Street, Dublin
My sweet little whorish Nora,
I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck up in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.
You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over me with a whore’s glow in your slumbrous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometime too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your hot drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.
Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.
JIM
Yes, you should have a hazard label on you, "warning CG will be your every fantasy"
Unerotica, the Micro Series is the outcome of these events, so what is the conversation about?
The Unerotica Micro Series was inspired by these events. It got me thinking about what erotica was.
Although I wrote the original Dear Cum medical story to be deliberately unpleasant and provocative, to inspire an amusing response from Dear Cum, the response back from the moderators got me thinking about what was acceptable erotica and what wasn't.
Surely erotica is in the eye of the beholder, and as long as it is within the rules, it should be up to the reader to decide whether they find it enjoyable or offensive. As is often argued, it is up to the reader to choose what to consume. However, I do appreciate I am not a moderator, and therefore do not have to deal with the deluge of complaints they might get from readers if the story finds offence.
There are many stories I find unappealing, and some even offensive, but one of the things I love about Lush is that people can express themselves as they wish, and as long as they stay within the rules, should be able to share their thoughts and stories. I know this has made me challenge some preconceptions and as a result, I have learned more about myself and hopefully grown from the experience.
Whilst contemplating this argument, I thought I might turn it on its head and select something deliberately unerotic... i.e. boring everyday items that hold no sexual implication, and see if I could create something erotic from them, just for a bit of fun. Having the attention span of a gnat I thought I'd experiment with a couple of micros. I really enjoyed writing them and was really pleased that they were received by the moderators for what they were, small tidbits of creative erotica. I was even more delighted when they were picked up by other writers who then went on to create their own.
I wanted to use this opportunity to challenge the way we look at things, whether they be boring everyday objects or something that somebody finds erotic that others do not.
I believe thinking and challenging yourself is always a good thing. But I would argue that as adults, we should be able to make decisions for ourselves about what we like and don't like. Moderation is important if we step over that line or to provide support and advice that we can choose to listen to or ignore. That is why I chose the tagline "Who gets to decide what's erotic or not?" This can be either taken at face value... e.g. deciding whether marmalade or fairy liquid, or marmite, or tax returns or tin foil etc is erotic. Or it can get people thinking.
Please don't post stories in the forums. In addition, any content of a private message between a story verifier and an author is just that. Private. The forum isn't the place to post it. I have edited the opening post accordingly.
Regarding 'who gets to decide what is erotic' that's certainly not the job of a story verifier. But we do get to decide what is and isn't deemed suitable for publication, and if we reject something for not being 'erotic enough' it's likely to do with content and quality rather than a particular kink or fetish.
We have a fetish category. People are welcome to write stories exploring their sexual fetishes. I would suggest that the micro category isn't the place to try and tell a full story on such a complex subject.
If whatever you write doesn't meet publication standards for Lush, you're welcome to post it elsewhere.
Finally, the thinly veiled digs and rants disguised as discussion don't go unnoticed and I'd ask that they please stop. The story verifiers here are folks who want to come and enjoy this site like everyone else and have volunteered to help pass stories.
If you have an issue with the way anyone is carrying out their duties, please PM me directly, rather than using moderator notes or taglines on stories to have a go at people simply trying to keep the quality high in their given remit.
Thank you.
Well, firstly, stories in the micro and flash categories don't appear on the front page of the site, so no, I hadn't noticed.
Secondly, yes, it makes sense to have a conversation about what constitutes an erotic story, but the forum for that discussion should be, well, here in the forum.
This is an erotic stories site and I assume everyone is aware that sometimes stories get rejected because they are not erotic. So having a series labelled 'unerotica' seems to be a deliberate provocation to the moderators. Repeatedly pushing at that boundary would be deliberately making their job more difficult than it already is.
Furthermore, there is no conversation taking place there, because of the unwritten convention that the only type of comment posted on stories published here is "Wow, great story, loved it!!" Maybe you mean that there is a conversation taking place in private messages.
Having said that, I looked at the first and last, photocopier and marmalade, and they seem to me to be straightforwardly erotic, so in those two examples at least, the 'unerotica' label seems inappropriate.
I don't think the question can be answered. Erotica is too personal a thing. And I understand noone likes being rejected. We all think our rejected stories were publishable or we wouldn't have submitted them. But from what I hear, Lush is one of a few sites who moderates what is published. Many accept all submissions. For me, this moderation is what makes Lush the higher quality writing site, which I prefer to be a part of.
And since there is no clear-cut definition of erotica (given the many kinks and fetishes many enjoy), we need to rely on the judgments of the site admin, mods to publish what they have decided are quality, erotic stories.
I thought the "Unerotica" series was just a fun little kink thing when I first saw it. But, see it is a little contentious now, so I won't be writing one. Please understand, for my mental health, I need Lush to remain my peaceful retreat. Competitions or a rejected story will never be worth disrupting my stress-free writing here. I try to accept whatever happens and move on, knowing I am always free to write on another site.
I love when Mods speak their mind.
Besides that, I have nothing to say about the original post.
