I just wrote my first story, and posted it with (so far) an excellent amount of positive feedback. However, I'm at a loss as to how to improve my stories, writing style, etc. Any tips???
See my story on my profile page titled "Nature Lover"
Sorry dear, I don't know what you are driving at. I verified your story, and thought you did quite well with it.
What are you interested in writing, and what do you think or feel your short comings are?
This is very vague, and rather open ended.
the best advice that i can give you is to write, write, write...i have notebooks full of songs that will never be heard by anyone, but just writing them gave me the time and experience to find my own personal style...and every once in a while, one of them was good...write what you love and it's a safe bet that someone else will love it too...
Thank you so very much for a beautiful and moving story. I understand how true it is. I am a life-long outdoorsman, and climbed avidly until the right knee required replacement. Now, I'm a sea kayaker.
I, too, have stood in the wilderness and been overwhelmed, felt at one with all and at peace and absolutely feral in the same instant, a feeling demanding relief which I provided in the same way as the narrator.
I'm a former teacher, professional techhical writer and editor. That having been said, there are plenty of better writers on Lush than I.
*****
My comments on Nature Lover
Title is perfect, couldn't be simpler. The double entendre is subtle.
This simple and moving story works from beginning to end. There are no inconsistencies, no poor or tricky plot devices, no attempts to play with the reader's head in ways that distract. I'm fully oriented in space and time and in the narrator's emotions. Excellent, simple, straight narrative.
It especially works that this isn't a sex story at all. It's nature writing about one woman's strong emotional response to her environment. A lot of Lush stories (my own come to mind) may have some plot, but remain tales of unending bed hopping. Your story goes far beyond that. Whosyourdaddy's commment is apt: closer to poetry than to a story.
Mechanics of grammar and punctuation: perfect
Spelling: OK but see next.
Synonyms, homonyms that spellchecker won't catch: lightening speed
Syntax: I lower myself down - redundant. "I lower myself" or sit or lie or...
Overuse of forms of to be, to have, to will: maybe a bit, but not to distraction. Verbs are apt, varied, and active voice.
Overuse of "that": People disagree on this issue. I come down on the "minimize use of that" side. Examples I feel will improve if "that" is written out of the sentence:
"fresh powder that had found", "shadow of the rock that would allow," "causing my nipples to harden to a point that was nearly painful"
Notice each of these uses of "that" is accompanied by one of the helping verbs mentioned above.
Good use of that: "love language that only we can share" Hmmmm, active voice
Paddler's quibble: "allow me the opportunity to leave this place exactly as pristine as I'd found it" I think "exactly" is not needed and detracts slightly.
Sentence structure: all good. no run-ons, good variance of length. A particularly good sentence:
"Anchor set, ropes in place, knots tied, and figure-8 in hand, I begin my descent to my quiet place."
First, you know what you're talking about. A knowledgeable reader like me uses the same checklist. More important, the list of items gives the feel of a pre-rappel as a climber would think it trough. You don't say, "I carefully check to see that the anchor is...."
Other particularly well-crafted sentences:
"I relish in the cool feel of nature's own "skin" against my own"
"a lover's touch manifested through my own hands."
"and raise my eyes to the setting sun. I smile as my lover begins his descent past the horizon," The narrator is another consort of Apollo, I see.
"Gingerly, I make my way the rest of the way down the cliff, and leave my quiet place undisturbed, unspoiled, and unruffled, just as I always do."
I will quibble on the word "just;" it's almost never needed.
This is your first effort, eh? I look forward to reading more. Thank you.
I'll send you a friend request. Let's go sea kayaking since I can't climb any more.
Paddling works three ways:
* Me on top
* You on top
* On the water
