Active Ink Slinger
Greetings, I need a bit of help from an author, I wrote a story, but it's been rejected due to my lack in the english grammar. So if someone could be kind enough to help me with that, I'd be very thankful.
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I need an helping hand.
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Mr Nobody
Quote by Onizuka
Greetings, I need a bit of help from an author, I wrote a story, but it's been rejected due to my lack in the english grammar. So if someone could be kind enough to help me with that, I'd be very thankful.
Post a few hundred words here ...from a story ..lets see where your problem lies
Active Ink Slinger
There you go, and Thank you kindly
I let out a long sigh as I closed the front door of the bar. It was 3:30 in the morning and obviously this Friday was a busy one. Working in a bar can be a pain in the ass during week-ends, and especially long week-ends. I am a manager at a bar near a college campus, and let me tell you that those college kids sure can drink and party but when it starts to get late they become crazy because they are intoxicated. Funny when you think I could be a senior in a University but I decided to work in the bar that my Uncle Sam owns. Oh yeah I forgot, my name is Derek and I am 22, I have the luck of having sharp blue eyes and dark brown hair that seems to defy the laws of gravity. Impossible to have a haircut, so I shave them daily.
I am 6 feet tall and my shoulders are larger than my hips. I mean I am well built, I am no Vin diesel but I have no problems wearing tight clothes and I am very comfortable walking without any shirt anywhere, but it’s useless since I wear baggy clothes with way too large heavy metal shirts of my favorite bands. At work it’s different; I wear tight shirt that shows my tribal tattoo and biceps that are not bigger than my head, but well defined. I guess I am not that bad looking since tonight I had 3 invitation to a motel and 5 phone numbers, and a lot of tips, girls seems to like me and guys seems to respect me because I don’t hit on their girlfriends.
I let out a long sigh as I closed the front door of the bar. It was 3:30 in the morning and obviously this Friday was a busy one. Working in a bar can be a pain in the ass during week-ends, and especially long week-ends. I am a manager at a bar near a college campus, and let me tell you that those college kids sure can drink and party but when it starts to get late they become crazy because they are intoxicated. Funny when you think I could be a senior in a University but I decided to work in the bar that my Uncle Sam owns. Oh yeah I forgot, my name is Derek and I am 22, I have the luck of having sharp blue eyes and dark brown hair that seems to defy the laws of gravity. Impossible to have a haircut, so I shave them daily.
I am 6 feet tall and my shoulders are larger than my hips. I mean I am well built, I am no Vin diesel but I have no problems wearing tight clothes and I am very comfortable walking without any shirt anywhere, but it’s useless since I wear baggy clothes with way too large heavy metal shirts of my favorite bands. At work it’s different; I wear tight shirt that shows my tribal tattoo and biceps that are not bigger than my head, but well defined. I guess I am not that bad looking since tonight I had 3 invitation to a motel and 5 phone numbers, and a lot of tips, girls seems to like me and guys seems to respect me because I don’t hit on their girlfriends.
Mr Nobody
Quote by Onizuka
There you go, and Thank you kindly
I let out a long sigh as I closed the front door of the bar. It was 3:30 in the morning and obviously this Friday was a busy one. Working in a bar can be a pain in the ass during week-ends, and especially long week-ends. I am a manager at a bar near a college campus, and let me tell you that those college kids sure can drink and party but when it starts to get late they become crazy because they are intoxicated. Funny when you think I could be a senior in a University but I decided to work in the bar that my Uncle Sam owns. Oh yeah I forgot, my name is Derek and I am 22, I have the luck of having sharp blue eyes and dark brown hair that seems to defy the laws of gravity. Impossible to have a haircut, so I shave them daily.
I am 6 feet tall and my shoulders are larger than my hips. I mean I am well built, I am no Vin diesel but I have no problems wearing tight clothes and I am very comfortable walking without any shirt anywhere, but it’s useless since I wear baggy clothes with way too large heavy metal shirts of my favorite bands. At work it’s different; I wear tight shirt that shows my tribal tattoo and biceps that are not bigger than my head, but well defined. I guess I am not that bad looking since tonight I had 3 invitation to a motel and 5 phone numbers, and a lot of tips, girls seems to like me and guys seems to respect me because I don’t hit on their girlfriends.
well a few commas needed ..but not really much....I prefer number are spelt out such as three not 3 ...
I let out a long sigh as I closed the front door of the bar. It was 3:30 in the morning and obviously, this Friday was a busy one. Working in a bar can be a pain in the ass during weekends, and especially long weekends. I am a manager at a bar near a college campus, and let me tell you that those college kids sure can drink and party but when it starts to get late, they become crazy because they are intoxicated. Funny when you think I could be a senior in a University but I decided to work in the bar that my Uncle Sam owns.
Oh yeah I forgot, my name is Derek and I am 22, I have the luck of having sharp blue eyes and dark brown hair that seems to defy the laws of gravity. Impossible to have a haircut, so I shave them daily.
I am 6 feet tall and my shoulders are larger than my hips. I mean I am well built, I am no Vin diesel but I have no problems wearing tight clothes and I am very comfortable walking without any shirt anywhere, but it’s useless since I wear baggy clothes with way too large heavy metal shirts of my favorite bands. At work, it is different; I wear tight shirt that shows my tribal tattoo and biceps that are not bigger than my head, but well defined. I guess I am not that bad looking since tonight I had 3 invitation to a motel and 5 phone numbers, and a lot of tips, girls seems to like me and guys seems to respect me because I don’t hit on their girlfriends.
Active Ink Slinger
great thank you