I've picked up writing erotica only recently, last time I did it was when I was a young horny teen writing sexy stories on loose sheets of papers to pass them to friends.
I stopped because I realized that I didn't know much about actual sex and that my stories felt like they were written by a virginal teenager (because they were). Cue to 5 years later, I'm back writing smut, I'm a better writer, but the rest didn't change. I have no sexual experience, and I often feel complexed, as a writer, about the erotic scenes in my stories. Since I have never experienced anything other than my hand and a few accessories, it's always odd for me to describe intercourse. I'm either just guessing or referring myself to the large amount of erotica I've consumed along the years. I'm perfectly able to write about what turns me on... but describing sex? For now I think so far so good, but I'm always afraid I'll eventually write something wrong or inaccurate and take the readers out of my story.
I wonder if anyone feels similarly? For the experienced authors out there, do you feel like your writing has improved exponentially in relation to the quality/variety of your sexual experiences, or does it have barely any effect on your writing? I want to know if my worries are justified or not.
And for any unexperienced authors out there... do you feel the same way?
My writing has improved dramatically since I first started writing here. It was through the patience of the mods back then, gentle nudges in the right direction, and me as an individual, wanting to learn and improve and asking for help. Also, reading lots of stories helps as well, whether they're erotica or not.
Funnily enough, I actually feel like writing sex scenes is not my strong point. After all, there are only so many ways you can describe a penis going into a vagina or an ass, or any sex, or any body part, without becoming repetitive, or inadvertently falling back on an old, tired cliche. I feel like I'm better at setting scenes and characters than writing about nekid people. However, I enjoy writing erotica, and I like the challenge.
As I've gone on my own sexual journey, it probably has been reflected in my writing. As I've grasped a better understanding of both the male and female body, as well as my own, I would say that has snuck into what I write.
I've never had sex with anyone and have no plans to. That doesn't stop me from writing sex scenes well. I understand how the human body works and how the mind works. Writing something nonsexual vs something sexual is all the same to me. It has to be handled with care.
In regards to the limited words for certain parts, sometimes you can just not say the word and instead allude to it instead. It depends on your writing style. There are some highly graphic, dirty writers on here and others who are very sensual. I usually go from one to the other, despite writing a series with the same characters due to their thoughts and feelings at that moment. Some focus more on the romance and the intimacy leading up to and after with only a brief line about the sex. Those kinds of things are only discovered the more you write about it.
Experience wise, I do think having it helps but it isn't necessary. I write predominantly gay, hardcore sex currently and despite being into BDSM, I'm not into several of the edgier practices plus I'm not a man. I think practice is the most important thing.
What an interesting post. I can tell you, you don't have to have done what you write. Many times fantasies are more interesting than the real thing. And for me, I spew out a lot of thoughts and feelings about sex, more than the actual sex act, and readers seem to like that type of writing too. To improve writing, do 2 things: read a lot and write a lot. And don't try to imitate others, pick up tips, but find your own authentic voice. Be brave! Dont worry about judgment! I can't tell you how scared I have been to hit publish sonetimes, but just do it. Trust the mods here will NOT publish a terrible piece or a piece that doesn't make sense. To mix up words for sex, try writing in a different time period and Google "1800s sex slang" etc. You will find different words to use to add variety to your stories. Best wishes!
I concur that experience is not a prerequisite, but I also observe that my stories that include scenes from my actual past are slightly better received by readers, garnering more appreciative comments. (Note that I don't talk about the scores -- they are more polite applause or boos than real feedback). That said, I've always been careful to do research, not only reading stories by authors of other gender or sexual orientation, but also seeking scientific articles and research about both the real effects and dangers of a given sex act.
For example, I've done a couple of stories here and on other sites about female vaginal fisting. I've done my best to imagine and communicate how that must feel, but I've also included asides and reference to advice on the dangers of shock and infection if done carelessly. Happily I've received no blistering rebukes or flames on those stories, and they've received some positive feedback and respectable numbers of reads. So I take that to mean that I'm either a complete flake on who flaming electrons would be a waste, or I'm somewhere close to accurate.
And you know what else? Every story I post turns ME on when I go back months or years later, and since I'm not in it for money, fame, or notoriety that's all that ultimately matters. Write what makes you feel. And KimmBeGood's advice about "write you truth" is well said.
I think it has significantly. However, my sexual experiences are not all first hand. A lover of mine had a short, hot, intense, highly sexual relationship with another women and she had a lot of strong, detailed fantasies regarding FF and FFM integrated with some BDSM. We explored many of these fantasies in conversation, in writing, and watching videos together and sharing thoughts. The conversations, when we weren't actually having sex lol, included a lot about what she was feeling and thinking, which probably helped my writing more than the actual sexual exploration (although that helped a lot too).
