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Hi, what do you think of my story, what would you like to see next?

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DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by Trish
Hi. I've just posted my first story. http://www.lushstories.com/stories/lesbian/trish-jenna.aspx What does everyone think? Also I'm planning o do a sequel, maybe a straight sex story with Trish and Harry, what would everyone like to see?
Thanx
Trish XXXX


Just had a qiuck look ... can't read lesbian stuff until after midday and it only 9.15
It need double quotation marks on the dialogue

"Yeah…I was just…can we talk?"
Trish
Rookie Scribe
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Quote by DBarclay

Just had a qiuck look ... can't read lesbian stuff until after midday and it only 9.15
It need double quotation marks on the dialogue

"Yeah…I was just…can we talk?"


If I was American then yes, but I'm not, I'm English and therefore choose to use English punctuation.
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by Trish
Quote by DBarclay

Just had a qiuck look ... can't read lesbian stuff until after midday and it only 9.15
It need double quotation marks on the dialogue

"Yeah…I was just…can we talk?"


If I was American then yes, but I'm not, I'm English and therefore choose to use English punctuation.

You are correct ..the Americans use double and the Brits actually use both
but nowdays lean more toward the double, Strange thing is ...I was always taught to use doiuble,
and that was in an Brit school.

I don't have any recent english books or newspaper here
can you check for me and see what the latest trend is ..

The Times on line uses double I noticed
Guest
Lurker
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Trish

Punctuation is all about social conditioning.

I'm personally now considering to use ''' 3 '''. Maybe ''''4'''''.

Communicating is about getting you message across in a way that people can understand.

Then if people decide to leap out of their office window cause you've used either '1' or ''2'' let them jump.........
Trish
Rookie Scribe
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I've just had a look in my husbands 442 magazine and our local newspaper and they do both use ", however I am going to stick with ', I'm sure it was what I was taught and I prefer it. Anyway, what do people think of the actual story?
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by Trish
I've just had a look in my husbands 442 magazine and our local newspaper and they do both use ", however I am going to stick with ', I'm sure it was what I was taught and I prefer it. Anyway, what do people think of the actual story?


Very good indeed ..except for the cold tongue

should be hot, warm or wet ...

Yes I am the pedant
Trish
Rookie Scribe
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Thanx, yes it probably should be a warm tounge, unless of course she had just been drinking an iced drink. I'm not sure what to do with Trish next, maybe a story with Harry?
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by Trish
Thanx, yes it probably should be a warm tounge, unless of course she had just been drinking an iced drink. I'm not sure what to do with Trish next, maybe a story with Harry?


I felt sorry for Harry ..The poor slob, perhaps he can go for his MIL.
while Trish lays the cable guy
nicola
Matriarch
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Hi Trish, and a warm welcome to the site.

I think the story is really well done - with great details in places, a realistic situation, as well as some elements of humour, this line made me crack up:

"Trish could see her pussy now, it was bright pink. If Barbie had been made with a pussy, that is what it would look like."

The story is good as a one off. I take it you wish to develop the characters more? I like the secretive nature of the relationship, and the gentle intimacy they now share. Perhaps develop the story along those lines in the next installment? Bringing a 50 year old hairy Harry into that scenario doesn't work for me, but I guess it could for some.
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by nicola
? Bringing a 50 year old hairy Harry into that scenario doesn't work for me, but I guess it could for some.


Hey ..you leave Harry alone, I like him ..
Guest
Lurker
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I have just had to revise my Father 2 story as it was riddled with mistakes, I was disappointed nobody nudged me, or shouted foul. I have a thick skin when needed.

PS How does one include an image?
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
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Quote by Omega
I have just had to revise my Father 2 story as it was riddled with mistakes, I was disappointed nobody nudged me, or shouted foul. I have a thick skin when needed.

PS How does one include an image?


I seem to remember it had a few minor punctuation errors...
The dialogue was not always started as a new line.
and the spacing was a bit large ...

But overall, it flowed really well
nicola
Matriarch
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Quote by Omega
I have just had to revise my Father 2 story as it was riddled with mistakes, I was disappointed nobody nudged me, or shouted foul. I have a thick skin when needed.

PS How does one include an image?



Hi Omega,

Include an image where? You can't include an image in the story with the current setup.

You can include images here if you use the post reply button, rather than the quick reply.

Nicki