I recently took an online course for non-erotica fiction to improve my basic writing skills.
In one assignment, we were given a paragraph that was riddled with errors -- some punctuation, some grammatical, but some sentences were just poorly or awkwardly constructed. Then, each of us rewrote the paragraph, and we got to see how others did. We talked about all of our ideas and edits. It was fun to see what others came up with, and a good way to see how revising and editing works without having to go over an entire, lengthy piece.
I thought it would be fun to do this with a sex scene paragraph since this type of help isn't given as often, but a lot of us are here to improve this aspect of our writing.
Change whatever you want, there are no limits or stipulations. You can complete the scene, rewrite it with a different setting, focus solely on punctuation and grammar, add in emotions or thoughts, anything goes. This paragraph doesn't matter to me (if you're wondering), I just made it up for this thread. Please, do whatever you want.
Above all, the idea is to have a number of very different paragraphs to read as the thread grows, and you can see how other people tackle the corrections and add in realism, etc.
Fun with Dick and Anne:
The waters were dark and deep and warm. The beech sand was warm and the moon was bright in the sky. Anne laid with her legs spread, her panties were on the sand next to her. Dick kneeled next to her, his hard lovestick sticking out in the air. Anne smiled at him warmly and worked his hardness with her hand. Dick moaned as Anne jerked his stiff prick. He watched her boobs bounce with the effort and thought she looks amazing like this. He didn't want this night to ever stop. Her hand felt too good on him. "Baby that's the bestest handjob ever." he said as he came on her tits.
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Fun with Dick and Anne - a sex scene writing exercise (authors and readers can participate)
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Neat idea, Metilda. I basically took that scene and rewrote as I might have written it. I could go on further but don't have time right now. Probably needs a bit more editing, too.
Fun with Dick and Anne
The moon shone bright over the dark waters as Dick and Anne made out on the beach. Kiss followed kiss; caress followed caress. Gradually, they undressed each other.
When she was naked, Anne lay on the warm sand of the beach. Her pale, sleek body seemed to glow in the moonlight. She smiled up at Dick as he knelt next to her. Dick’s cock was hard and jutted out over his wife's large, soft tits. Anne turned her attention to it.
“This is so beautiful,” she said softly.
Anne took his erection between her fingers. Slowly, she caressed the shaft. Dick’s cock twitched, becoming more aroused with each stroke of her nimble fingers.
“You are so good at this,” Dick said as he revelled in the attention.
Anne didn’t respond, just kept stroking him with one hand while massaging his balls with the other.
Dick took one of his wife’s breasts in his hand and idly played with it. The nipple, dark in the pale illumination from the moon, stiffened as he rubbed and lightly pinched it. He moved his hips a little in a simulated fucking motion.
“I’m going to cum on you, Annie,” he said, “Oh, yes, I am.”
“Do it, baby,” Anne cooed back, “Spray your cum all over my tits.”
Her fingers found the sensitive spot beneath the head and kneaded it gently. That did the trick. Dick closed his eyes and groaned. His cock twitched and jerked in his wife’s fingers, dumping shot after shot of his seed on to her body. When the flow slowed, Anne sat up and licked him clean.
“You know how to make me feel so good,” Dick said to her.
“It makes me feel good, too, hon,” she answered.
They kissed in the moonlight. Then Dick pushed Anne back down on to the sand and prepared to return the favour.
Fun with Dick and Anne
The moon shone bright over the dark waters as Dick and Anne made out on the beach. Kiss followed kiss; caress followed caress. Gradually, they undressed each other.
When she was naked, Anne lay on the warm sand of the beach. Her pale, sleek body seemed to glow in the moonlight. She smiled up at Dick as he knelt next to her. Dick’s cock was hard and jutted out over his wife's large, soft tits. Anne turned her attention to it.
“This is so beautiful,” she said softly.
Anne took his erection between her fingers. Slowly, she caressed the shaft. Dick’s cock twitched, becoming more aroused with each stroke of her nimble fingers.
“You are so good at this,” Dick said as he revelled in the attention.
Anne didn’t respond, just kept stroking him with one hand while massaging his balls with the other.
Dick took one of his wife’s breasts in his hand and idly played with it. The nipple, dark in the pale illumination from the moon, stiffened as he rubbed and lightly pinched it. He moved his hips a little in a simulated fucking motion.
“I’m going to cum on you, Annie,” he said, “Oh, yes, I am.”
“Do it, baby,” Anne cooed back, “Spray your cum all over my tits.”
Her fingers found the sensitive spot beneath the head and kneaded it gently. That did the trick. Dick closed his eyes and groaned. His cock twitched and jerked in his wife’s fingers, dumping shot after shot of his seed on to her body. When the flow slowed, Anne sat up and licked him clean.
“You know how to make me feel so good,” Dick said to her.
“It makes me feel good, too, hon,” she answered.
They kissed in the moonlight. Then Dick pushed Anne back down on to the sand and prepared to return the favour.
Buxom Enigma
The waters were dark and deep and warm. The beech sand was warm and the moon was bright in the sky. Anne laid with her legs spread, her panties were on the sand next to her. Dick kneeled next to her, his hard lovestick sticking out in the air. Anne smiled at him warmly and worked his hardness with her hand. Dick moaned as Anne jerked his stiff prick. He watched her boobs bounce with the effort and thought she looks amazing like this. He didn't want this night to ever stop. Her hand felt too good on him. "Baby that's the bestest handjob ever." he said as he came on her tits.
The moon shone full in the dark sky, reflecting brightly off of the dark waves rolling along the beach where Anne laid out before her husband. Her full breasts seemed to glow in the soft moonlight, generous pillows for Dick's full sac as she idly stroked his straining shaft, kneeling beside his sexy bride.
The soft lace edge of her panties tickled lightly along her skin, gripped in her slowly pumping fist as she masturbated his length with the arousal-dampened silk.
His eyes slid between the sexy sight of her fingers wrapped around him, and the amazing view of her breasts shuddering as she pumped him, one of her own hands dipping down between her thighs to play with herself as he groaned out, "God, baby, this is amazing. I wish this moment could last forever."
Her smile was warm and hot as she felt his balls tightening, and she frantically rubbed her sensitive clit harder, thrilling in the shifting of sand beneath her, and the warm waves lapping at her feet.
She whimpered and arched her hips as her orgasm overtook her, and gloried as Dick began a slow thrusting of his hips as he joined her in bliss. His release spurted out, jetting across her breasts, thick ropes of his cum spattering against the tight peaks of her nipples, and he weakly collapsed beside her, both listening to the heavenly music of each other's breathing and the soft breaking of waves along the sandy shore.
I tried to make it just one, but it was impossible. LOL
I did, however, try to keep in line with the original piece, to show how one can change something so basic with just a little extra description. I just couldn't leave her panties in the sand!
"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader - not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon." -E.L. Doctorow
Active Ink Slinger
I love this concept, Metilda! Gives everyone a chance to showcase their own work, so here's my reply:
Anne, naked on the night warmed sandy shore, laid with her legs spread looking out into the dark blueness of the ocean in front of her. Anne's panties sat delicately beside her on the warm sand as the moonlight lit her sexual divide in a soft blue hue.
Dick, her husband of many years, laid on his side by her toying his finger through his wife's plush, but well-trimmed brown curly mound of love. His eyes were right in line with Anne's endowed facade and he loved how the soft pink centers shined delicately with a pale blue. The moon sure knew how to light up the love of his life.
Dick's long length between his legs throbbed with an ache that needed his wife's touch. Slowly, he kneeled and straddled Anne's top half. His large heavy sack sat heavily right under his wife's breasts and his hardness stuck out over her large milk filled protrusions. He saw Anne smile sultrily up at it then wrapped her hand around his long hard length.
Slowly, Anne slid her hand over Dick's erection feeling every ridge that made it stiff. She watched his large round baby-makers lift and lower onto her body. She felt their heaviness slide on her skin as well. Anne loved pleasing her husband just as much as he loved pleasing her.
Anne quickened her strokes upon her husband's long hardness until clear dollops of pre-excitement exited the tip. Dick began to groan and harden even more in her hands. The throbbing of his hot extension in her grip felt just the same as if it was inside her wet chasm. Anne knew she had Dick almost to the point of no return.
Dick then began thrusting his erection in Anne's hand and she stopped stroking to let him continue the moment himself. Anne watched as the clear gooeyness dripped out of his plump erect head and onto her breasts. It was making her secrete her own.
Suddenly, Dick made one more pump into his wife's hand and groaned loudly. Anne felt her husband's balls tighten and lift on her hot moist skin and his cock twitch and pulse in her hand then watched as he spurted dollop after hot dollop of his love batter all over her bountiful breasts. When the last drop had dripped from him, Anne swiped her finger around the tip, cleaning him off the only way she could.
Dick looked down at his personal glaze covering his wife's breasts. Her nipples poked out with his white formula all around them. With their dark round feature, they looked like glazed doughnuts.
Anne looked up to her husband and smiled. Dick looked down to his wife and returned with the same. Anne then leaned up to match her husband still straddling her body.
"I love you," Anne said and wrapped her arms around him.
Dick held her and said, "I love you more," then took her face into his hands and pressed his lips to hers. They kissed long and hard then collapsed to the warm night sand together.
The blue moonlight surrounded them lovingly as they fell asleep in a cuddle of bridled love.
Anne, naked on the night warmed sandy shore, laid with her legs spread looking out into the dark blueness of the ocean in front of her. Anne's panties sat delicately beside her on the warm sand as the moonlight lit her sexual divide in a soft blue hue.
Dick, her husband of many years, laid on his side by her toying his finger through his wife's plush, but well-trimmed brown curly mound of love. His eyes were right in line with Anne's endowed facade and he loved how the soft pink centers shined delicately with a pale blue. The moon sure knew how to light up the love of his life.
Dick's long length between his legs throbbed with an ache that needed his wife's touch. Slowly, he kneeled and straddled Anne's top half. His large heavy sack sat heavily right under his wife's breasts and his hardness stuck out over her large milk filled protrusions. He saw Anne smile sultrily up at it then wrapped her hand around his long hard length.
Slowly, Anne slid her hand over Dick's erection feeling every ridge that made it stiff. She watched his large round baby-makers lift and lower onto her body. She felt their heaviness slide on her skin as well. Anne loved pleasing her husband just as much as he loved pleasing her.
Anne quickened her strokes upon her husband's long hardness until clear dollops of pre-excitement exited the tip. Dick began to groan and harden even more in her hands. The throbbing of his hot extension in her grip felt just the same as if it was inside her wet chasm. Anne knew she had Dick almost to the point of no return.
Dick then began thrusting his erection in Anne's hand and she stopped stroking to let him continue the moment himself. Anne watched as the clear gooeyness dripped out of his plump erect head and onto her breasts. It was making her secrete her own.
Suddenly, Dick made one more pump into his wife's hand and groaned loudly. Anne felt her husband's balls tighten and lift on her hot moist skin and his cock twitch and pulse in her hand then watched as he spurted dollop after hot dollop of his love batter all over her bountiful breasts. When the last drop had dripped from him, Anne swiped her finger around the tip, cleaning him off the only way she could.
Dick looked down at his personal glaze covering his wife's breasts. Her nipples poked out with his white formula all around them. With their dark round feature, they looked like glazed doughnuts.
Anne looked up to her husband and smiled. Dick looked down to his wife and returned with the same. Anne then leaned up to match her husband still straddling her body.
"I love you," Anne said and wrapped her arms around him.
Dick held her and said, "I love you more," then took her face into his hands and pressed his lips to hers. They kissed long and hard then collapsed to the warm night sand together.
The blue moonlight surrounded them lovingly as they fell asleep in a cuddle of bridled love.
"So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind."
--Evanescence
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind."
--Evanescence
Orgasm Aficionado
The warmth of the ocean breeze did little to stop the shaking of Jane's naked body. It was the first time she'd been skinny dipping and it had almost been her last. The currents had been unexpectedly strong and there had been a moment of panic when she knew that she was helpless to prevent herself from being dragged away into the deeper, darker waters. That was when he'd grabbed her; when he'd put his own life at risk to save hers. It was true that he was an insensitive arsehole - but when her friends found out about this, he'd be a hero.
Heroes deserved to be rewarded. Anne spied Dick's dangler. It was the most amazing, most intimate feeling as she took the cold, soft flesh into her mouth and sucked life into it. Or at least tried to. For the first time, Dick's dangler didn't grow at her touch. "Dick?" she asked. He didn't respond. Only the gentle rustle of the sand disturbed the silence. Something was wrong. No! Rising panic gripped Anne's chest as her searching fingers failed to find a pulse. "Oh my fucking God, Dick!" Jane scrambled up to her boyfriend's mouth and used to her fingers to check his airway. It was too dark to see but she couldn't feel anything wrong. She took a breath as she tilted his head, then pinched his nose closed and sealed her own over his and prayed. His lips were cold, rubbery and alien. Dead.
Dick coughed, drew in an enormous gulp of air and vomited. Anne's world span. The imagined emptiness dropped away to be replaced by something warm and familiar. "You fucking... insensitive... arsehole," she sobbed, as she pressed her body hard against his. "Don't you ever do that again."
"What?" he asked groggily.
"Leave."
Heroes deserved to be rewarded. Anne spied Dick's dangler. It was the most amazing, most intimate feeling as she took the cold, soft flesh into her mouth and sucked life into it. Or at least tried to. For the first time, Dick's dangler didn't grow at her touch. "Dick?" she asked. He didn't respond. Only the gentle rustle of the sand disturbed the silence. Something was wrong. No! Rising panic gripped Anne's chest as her searching fingers failed to find a pulse. "Oh my fucking God, Dick!" Jane scrambled up to her boyfriend's mouth and used to her fingers to check his airway. It was too dark to see but she couldn't feel anything wrong. She took a breath as she tilted his head, then pinched his nose closed and sealed her own over his and prayed. His lips were cold, rubbery and alien. Dead.
Dick coughed, drew in an enormous gulp of air and vomited. Anne's world span. The imagined emptiness dropped away to be replaced by something warm and familiar. "You fucking... insensitive... arsehole," she sobbed, as she pressed her body hard against his. "Don't you ever do that again."
"What?" he asked groggily.
"Leave."
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