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First Timer - Feedback Please!

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Xara
Active Ink Slinger
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I just posted a story. It is unfinished. This is the first time I have ever tried to write anything.
The name of the story is "Sofia".
I would appreciate any comments or suggestions any of you might have for me.
And please do not sugar coat it....I can handle it!
Thank you!
nicola
Matriarch
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Quote by Xara
I just posted a story. It is unfinished. This is the first time I have ever tried to write anything.
The name of the story is "Sofia".
I would appreciate any comments or suggestions any of you might have for me.
And please do not sugar coat it....I can handle it!
Thank you!


I like how descriptive you've been, building up suspense rather than diving straight into the action. I rather liked where the story was heading too.

Maybe post it as Chapter One, which looks finished, and continue working on the second Chapter - which you can link to from the first. How long is it going to go for do you imagine?

Anyone else have any feedback for Xara? Let's give her some support!
Xara
Active Ink Slinger
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Thank you, Lush.
I had hoped more of the other "more experienced" authors would be willing to comment, but, apparently not.
No matter. I have added to my story and consider it to be finished.

If I suck....then I suck...just wish someone had the balls to tell me so.
SusanEngland
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Xara
Thank you, Lush.
I had hoped more of the other "more experienced" authors would be willing to comment, but, apparently not.
No matter. I have added to my story and consider it to be finished.

If I suck....then I suck...just wish someone had the balls to tell me so.


Stand by Xara - do not despair fair maiden - feedback in a few hours from me LOL
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I was the same when I very nervously posted my first story.
(But how another woman can have the balls to tell you I don't know !!!)
nicola
Matriarch
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Thanks Susan.

I don't want to encourage people heading offsite as it were, but if you are looking for a variety of feedback on this story, you might like to try over at Desdmona's fishtank - they specialise in doing exactly what you're after:

The Fish Tank is a service to authors of erotic fiction who wish to receive constructive feedback on their writing. The point is to get specific feedback on what works and what doesn’t work in a story, with hopes that the author will improve his or her writing.


You can find the link here: http://www.lushstories.com/forum/Default.aspx?g=posts&t=151

Guest
Lurker
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I started to read your story but got side-tracked and it will be a day or so before I have a chance to really sit down and read it...but I will, and I will give you a fair and honest opinion...or feedback. As an author I know the importance of feedback, and I want to encourage others to write if they feel a story in them somewhere. I will be back with feedback, count on it.
Xara
Active Ink Slinger
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Thank you!
I will look forward to it.
Guest
Lurker
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I found your writing to be enticing and interesting. In reading your story I found myself wondering about Sophia and then I discovered that I want the story to go on. Please finish this one. While I don't normally go for the Mdom type stories such as this, I still find it draws me in. Very good.
nicola
Matriarch
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Looks like you're going to have to finish what you started now miss xara
vatsyaya
Active Ink Slinger
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Honestly speaking, writing an erotic story is the most difficult task under the sun. Realistically speaking, the action is more or less similar in most stories and apart from a few modifications here and there, a writer can't do much about it. That is why writing erotic story is so difficult yet rewarding. Being a male, I must confess that I always rate those stories very high that make me stop in between looking for relief. By that yardstick, I must say that your story is very very very very very exciting! ( please count the number of 'very's ). Good work!