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6 stories in: need feedback

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Capricorn5
Advanced Wordsmith
Hey gang,

I've now got six stories 'published' on the site, and have another good dozen in my head. I want to make them as good as they can be, so....

I'd love to know what's good and what's bad so far, in your opinions. I haven't had a lot of votes or comments, yet the votes I've received aren't half bad. A lot of you folks have written many, many stories and read a ton more, so your opinion is valued.

The last one published was: Secret Insemination Clinic, Ch.2, if you need a reference for where to find my work.


Thanks,

JP
nicola
Matriarch
I don't know how this one slipped through the net. Apologies JP. I was going through the forum and found it all alone.

I just read a few of your stories, the Mai's Lust ones, and have to say they are very well written.

You write paying lots of attention to detail, the plots develop well, the characters are introduced in an unhurried manner, and the sex scenes are believable. When I get time I'll check over some more - great work!

Would anyone else like to give some feedback to Capricorn5?
Natalia
Advanced Wordsmith
Me of course after my exam smile
nicola
Matriarch
Quote by Natalia
Me of course after my exam smile


Good luck Natalia.
Guest
Lurker
My associate, Natalia, will review it.
Guest
Lurker
I keep forgetting! LOL
Guest
Lurker
Lush is right....this guy's got some game.

The 4-part story (Mai's Lust et.al.): really, really vivid descriptions here. A little ponderous, and something about it is a little off (can't put my finger on it)...but well deserving of good marks.

The secret insemination clinic stuff is interesting, but would be more so to someone who's into sci-fi...my tastes are just more realist...

The gymnastics stuff creeps me out a little, but the sex descriptions are extremely detailed and read very well.

On a separate note: it's always interesting to read the things that turn people on by what they write; you only have to read a few stories to pick up on that here...

Lia
Natalia
Advanced Wordsmith
I read the gymnastics stuff; I write about sports, maybe that's why ;) What I definitely like is that you really write a story, and not only (well, not that I am trying to be spiteful to some other authors on this site *giggle*) "My auntie rocked my cock".

I always like to know in a story who and why is having sex. Everything is nice and believable. I was only a little bit disturbed in Tam's story when you mention Joanie lurking in the middle of action. I know you had already Joanie's story in mind, but if I were you, I'd have skipped that fragment ;) Everything how and why is explained in the next story of the series. Nevertheless I gave you two 5.0s . It was a pleasure to read.
Guest
Lurker
You write about sports Natalia? Are you a sports reporter for a newspaper or something?
Natalia
Advanced Wordsmith
For the magazines... yeah. And I work at the press offices of tennis tournaments in Poland. I have a chance of going to US Open in NYC next year (well, if I get a visa of course) and it's my big dream to offer reports to a big daily newspaper that I have on my mind. They'd normally send someone from their team, but if it's true that paper and our magazine will cooperate, it could be a great chance of self-promotion. With links to Lush, preferably .
Guest
Lurker
they have tennis in Poland? No kidding, huh! So tennis is your sport specialty?
Natalia
Advanced Wordsmith
Surprisingly we are developing in tennis smile Our girl Agnieszka Radwanska was a substitute in Masters and won a match when she replaced Ana Ivanovic, and our doubles players (and my good friends) Marcin Matkowski & Mariusz Fyrstenberg also play Masters and in the morning our time they'll fight for a semifinal :).

We have many tournaments here, and unfortunately the main sponsor was involved in some political riots and left the country and went to Kazakhstan to deal with oil. It's very bad for the junior players who could develop thanks to the money he was giving for the past few years.

I like tennis, because there are always so many cool people to meet at the tournaments. It's always fun (and I don't mean sex, I can't sleep with the players because of my job... would be not professional).
Guest
Lurker
Ooo, do a report on Anna Kournikova!