Turn-off and Deal Breakers for Readers

Quote by Slickspicks1

Let's be real, not all boobs are DD, DDD.

Give me a B or C cup any day!

Or don't use cup size. Just describe her breasts. Round and soft. Small and firm. Conical with a slight upturn. Plus a raft of possible similes.

Quote by Slickspicks1

Let's be real, not all boobs are DD, DDD.

Give me a B or C cup any day!

This is one of the reasons -- not the main reason, but still a reason --- why I started to write erotica. I started reading stories on a site called Ravishu and saw all these blonde, busty characters being victimized by thugs, stepfathers or what have you. Being blonde and busty seemed to be all-important to these male authors. I felt the "girl next door", brunette with perky breasts, petite with very soft skin, didn't get the love she deserves. So I started writing stories with the types of girls I do love and cherish.

It should be a no-brainer, but I'll still say it... I started out using B-cup or A-cup as descriptive elements, but I've moved away from this and since the first top undressing of a girl is such a key moment in a relationship (and in my stories) I always give serious thought as to how to properly depict the girl's breasts in such a way as to make the reader see and feel them without breaking the flow of action.

Yesterday, I had sex with two of my coworkers, both of whom have small breasts, but their shapes, complexion, etc., are unique to each girl. Ok, I'm joking about the sex with my adorable coworkers, but there's the challenge -- How do you depict those individual differences between two girls who both wear the same bra size?

Readers hate to "get lost in geography" and it will be even worse if they get a list of anatomical features, right in the heat of such an intensely erotic moment.

But if it's done well, then it will be worth it. I want the girl and all her charms to fully come to life in my story!

I have no idea which bra size Elizabeth Sellars wore (probably B or C at the very most), but I would certainly love to live in 1953 and suck her breasts before having sex with her, and after.

• 
  
  "(Part n)" where n > 1

• Bra size

• Penile dimensions

• Biography/backstory

• Travelogue

• Telling not showing

I’m new here, but as it’s an open question here’s my input for what it’s worth.

First, there’s no such thing as an overall good story and that’s because each of us has different likes and dislikes, just as we do with food, or fashion. Stories aren’t a one size fits all, but if you’re going to write thousands of words, it must have a plot, a story line and characters the reader can relate to.  

In second place are descriptions. I think someone has been watching too much porn. (LOL).

"Jenny felt an electric shock hit her and her orgasmic body lifted two feet into the air gushing jets of liquid through the open window 10 feet away, cascading onto the pavement below and triggering a flood warning alert by the authorities."  

Mike walked into the room, his thick 12 inch cock throbbing uncomfortably. Unable to control themselves, the three women in the room immediately began to rip off their clothes shouting, "me first."     

OK I exaggerate, but when I read this sort of thing I’ve already started laughing and move on.

Third are terms used. For instance, the word ‘cunt’ is generally a no go for the US. Yet in the UK it’s commonly used. It could be used as a literal compliment as in "She’s got a lovely tight cunt" or in a derogatory term "S/he’s a cunt." In general use it’s simply slang for pussy or vagina.

I must admit that having read some of the stories here my writing style differs a lot. I tend to use emotional content and let the characters tell you what is happening and how they feel instead of simply describing what’s going on. I submitted my first story days ago and I’m still waiting for something to happen, but if it ever appears you’ll know what I mean.

My second story ( ) I wrote in a couple of hours last night and I’m wondering whether to stick to British English (cunt, tits) or American English (pussy, breasts). What do you think?

Quote by KimUK

"Jenny felt an electric shock hit her and her orgasmic body lifted two feet into the air gushing jets of liquid through the open window 10 feet away, cascading onto the pavement below and triggering a flood warning alert by the authorities."  

Not gonna lie, I would read the crap out of that story 😂 A flood warning!

Quote by KimUK
My second story ( ) I wrote in a couple of hours last night and I’m wondering whether to stick to British English (cunt, tits) or American English (pussy, breasts). What do you think?

Whatever feels more comfortable for you.

BrE and AmE differ in many things, like some spellings, but I've never realised those particular terms were geobound.

I love cunt but pussy is pretty common for me. The latter sounds cute whereas the former sounds dirty, though.

Breasts on the other hand, sound clinical to me, not sexy. I think it's a matter of taste or habit, more than location.

Quote by AvidlyCurious
[pussy or cunt] I think it's a matter of taste or habit, more than location.

This. I've never heard of either term being bound to a region. They're all pretty common words, though 'cunt' does sound waaaay better in an English accent.

Word choice and flow are super important to me when writing my stories, and that often carries through to reading habits. If I read a first time story about some lass who's had a strict upbringing, having her meet some guy in a bar and say, "Stick your hard dick in my tight cunt" within ten minutes of meeting him, is going to make me roll my eyes and move on.

Having her get more comfortable with him, disappear to the ladies, come back and then whisper, "I'm not wearing any panties and it feels so wrong" seems more natural for that character. In that type of story, reserving the harsher wording for later tends to make it appear more believable to me.

But if you're going all out from the very first scene, or want your character to appear coarser, then cunt away in paragraph one.

Quote by KimUK

"Jenny felt an electric shock hit her and her orgasmic body lifted two feet into the air gushing jets of liquid through the open window 10 feet away, cascading onto the pavement below and triggering a flood warning alert by the authorities."  

Mike walked into the room, his thick 12 inch cock throbbing uncomfortably. Unable to control themselves, the three women in the room immediately began to rip off their clothes shouting, "me first."     

These examples are hillarious and I now need stories with these scenarios. Please and thanks.

I wrote a quick story and it came out absolutely terrible. That’s because Lush insists on using a special format, which is fine if you’re writing in the third person, but it ruins anything in the first person. You’re not allowed to use sentences and paragraphs as you ordinarily would.

What you get is multiple one liners because every time someone does, says or thinks something, it requires a separate line and destroys the flow. Imagine reading a book:

They went together to view the house.

"I like it" said the husband.

 "I don’t" replied his wife.

 "I’m not sure about it" their son replied.

They returned to the car.

It reads as though it came from a children’s book. My wish would be to allow authors to publish in their own format, but for some reason that’s not allowed.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/lesbian/my-favourite-teen-mistress

Quote by CarltonStJames

These examples are hillarious and I now need stories with these scenarios. Please and thanks.

Do you think my sense of humour would go down well here? I don't know.

Quote by KimUK

I wrote a quick story and it came out absolutely terrible. That’s because Lush insists on using a special format, which is fine if you’re writing in the third person, but it ruins anything in the first person. You’re not allowed to use sentences and paragraphs as you ordinarily would.

What you get is multiple one liners because every time someone does, says or thinks something, it requires a separate line and destroys the flow. Imagine reading a book:

They went together to view the house.

"I like it" said the husband.

 "I don’t" replied his wife.

 "I’m not sure about it" their son replied.

They returned to the car.

It reads as though it came from a children’s book. My wish would be to allow authors to publish in their own format, but for some reason that’s not allowed.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/lesbian/my-favourite-teen-mistress

"You’re not allowed to use sentences and paragraphs as you ordinarily would."

Seems you're a bit confused there.

The only time you have to change lines is when the speaker changes, and that's not a Lush thing, is an English (as in lit) thing.

I've written in first and didn't have that problem at all. Although, it doesn't have that much dialogue.

The problem with your example is that the lines are mere dialogue and little content. There has to be more to a story than dialogue lines.

There are countless stories here written in first person where, even heavy with dialogue, readability is by no means affected.

Imagine reading a book:

They went together to view the house. "I like it" said the husband. "I don’t" replied his wife. "I’m not sure about it" their son replied. They returned to the car.

It reads as though the author doesn't understand English grammar conventions.

If you mean that Lush paragraph and line spacing is quite wide, like it is in the forum here and in stories, it's to make it easier to read, especially on small devices.

However, what I think you're referring to is that it puts double line spaces if you paste in content with extra lines between the paragraphs.

In your word processor, if your styles are set up with no paragraph leading, then it's common to add an additional line break to compensate. If you copy and paste that verbatim, Lush will add an extra line break between paragraphs because that's what you've told it to do.

The formatting engine is fairly permissive so it's likely not Lush enforcing a format, it's probably the way you're uploading content.

If you're in Microsoft Word, try this trick before your next submission:

1. Bring up the search and replace tool.

2. In the 'search' box, put in ^p^p.

3. In the 'replace' box, put in ^p.

4. Do a Replace All.

Then copy and paste into Lush. It should close up the extra line breaks.

You can always undo the Replace All or simply not save the changes if you wish to preserve the extra line breaks in your original.

As an alternative, edit your Normal paragraph style and add a few pts above each paragraph, e.g. 6pt or 12pt depending on the size of your font. Then you won't need the extra line breaks in your source documents and you can copy and paste verbatim into Lush without issue.

Quote by KimUK

it requires a separate line and destroys the flow. Imagine reading a book:

They went together to view the house.

"I like it" said the husband.

 "I don’t" replied his wife.

 "I’m not sure about it" their son replied.

They returned to the car.

It reads as though it came from a children’s book.

Look at that children's book... written by Ernest Hemingway, the famous kids author.

Putting lines spoken by a new speaker into a new, separate line is the only way to actually achieve a reading flow. If you smoosh them all together, your readers won't know who's saying what after a while - which is why nobody who writes proper stories or books would ever do that.

Quote by cydia

Look at that children's book... written by Ernest Hemingway, the famous kids author.

Putting lines spoken by a new speaker into a new, separate line is the only way to actually achieve a reading flow. If you smoosh them all together, your readers won't know who's saying what after a while - which is why nobody who writes proper stories or books would ever do that.

Look at the top of the first page in your image.

"Look," said Mike …

"It would be grand."

Who said it would be grand? The editors will pick that up straight away.

*

I’m not so much against putting separate quotes on separate lines, but I find it odd that quotes should occupy their own line. As in …

"Well, I don’t like it," said Carol.

 With that she turned and stomped noisily from the room.

Versus

"Well, I don’t like it," said Carol and with that she turned and stomped noisily from the room and blah, blah, blah.

Can you see the difference in the flow? I suppose it’s just different from academic writing.

*

When you write a story with Lush, it’s purposely designed to prevent any deviation in format. You can’t even paragraph without adding a (*) or some other mark to make sentences into paragraphs and what that often produces is a wall of words effect. I’d use the Lush format for a resume, each line banging home a point, one after another and it doesn’t make for easy reading. It’s the kind of format that’s skim read.  

*

In an ideal world, I’d love to format my own work, split it up into chapters or sections for a short piece, add a couple of images to break up the text … I just find the Lush format difficult and find I’m spending more time on producing the correct format than content.

Quote by KimUK

Look at the top of the first page in your image.

"Look," said Mike …

"It would be grand."

Who said it would be grand? The editors will pick that up straight away.

Presumably whoever spoke last with a dialogue tag on the previous page. Not everything needs a dialogue tag every line if it's only a conversation between two people.

I’m not so much against putting separate quotes on separate lines, but I find it odd that quotes should occupy their own line.

Who told you that? It's rubbish. Your second example is perfectly valid:

"Well, I don’t like it," said Carol and with that she turned and stomped noisily from the room and blah, blah, blah.

It's certainly what I'd prefer to read here.

When you write a story with Lush, it’s purposely designed to prevent any deviation in format. You can’t even paragraph without adding a (*) or some other mark to make sentences into paragraphs and what that often produces is a wall of words effect.

That's utter bollocks. I've pasted countless stories into the editor and they format just fine when published. And we have hundreds of thousands of other published stories that use paragraphs perfectly well.

I'd look at your source material and check the formatting there, as I mentioned in my previous post, and see if there's anything you can do to facilitate an easier transition to Lush.

Ooh, one other point I forgot in my earlier post: make sure your first lines in a paragraph aren't indented when you paste them into Lush. That really throws the editor into a wobbly, as it often thinks you're trying to make a bulleted list or apply some special formatting.

I’d love to format my own work, split it up into chapters or sections for a short piece,

You can. Just submit each chapter separately, waiting for each to be verified before submitting the next so they don't accidentally get published out of sequence, and title them accordingly.

For pieces under 10k words you can subdivide them using simple formatting within the body, e.g.:

Chapter 2: KimUK

The story continues... You can even center the headings in the story editor (which you can't do in the forum). Or you can use simple handmade dividers:

-o0o-

Just be aware that screen readers might "read" those out as separate streams of characters, so keep them short and simple.

add a couple of images to break up the text

Fair point. We used to have that facility, but it's not in this version after we transitioned to a new hosting environment. The feature may make a comeback (along with audio stories) in future.

P.S. let's try and steer this thread back on topic. If you want to discuss the editor and its foibles, please open a new thread in an appropriate forum. Thank you.

Quote by KimUK

"Look," said Mike …

"It would be grand."

Who said it would be grand? The editors will pick that up straight away.

This is an excerpt from a long dialogue, obviously. In the context of that dialogue, it is clear who says that. First and foremost, it is clear that it's NOT Mike who's speaking any more. And that is the entire point of the line breaks: clarity.

Quote by KimUK

I’m not so much against putting separate quotes on separate lines, but I find it odd that quotes should occupy their own line. As in …

"Well, I don’t like it," said Carol.

 With that she turned and stomped noisily from the room.

Versus

"Well, I don’t like it," said Carol and with that she turned and stomped noisily from the room and blah, blah, blah.

Can you see the difference in the flow? I suppose it’s just different from academic writing.

I can mainly see that this example has nothing whatsoever to do with what you complained about in your original post, which was about quotes from different speakers getting their separate lines for clarity, not about spoken bits & normal narration.

None of the mods here would "force" you to format your writing in the Example A sort of way, or even break up a long sentence (as seen in Example B) so that the spoken bits and the narration go into separate lines/paragraphs. We do break up wall-of-text paragraphs because they're terrible to read on smaller devices, but there's nobody who chops your sentences up, and there's definitely no rule to split spoken bits from narrated bits.

Quote by KimUK

You can’t even paragraph without adding a (*) or some other mark to make sentences into paragraphs and what that often produces is a wall of words effect. I’d use the Lush format for a resume, each line banging home a point, one after another and it doesn’t make for easy reading. It’s the kind of format that’s skim read.  

What do you even mean by this? What would you need a * for? You can use Enter for a normal paragraph, or Shift+Enter for a verse in a poem, or Shift+Enter twice for a larger gap.

If your computer's word processing software doesn't jive with the Lush editor, please refer to WannabeWordsmith's comment above to get the hang of that.

OK, we all have our own opinions and I won’t bang on about this. All I’ll say is look at the formatting options in the story box and the vast majority have been removed. Everything is left to find a workaround. Look at the many stories here, they’re formatted exactly the same and that’s because there are no options.

You’re not meant to format differently, it’s a one size fits all. I’ve seen * used as a divider on other stories here, so I know it’s not just me and why I used it on my follow up story.

Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I don’t want to make this into a major upset, but by the way that’s a turn off for me and why I posted on this thread.   

Write in your favorite word processor. CTRL-C CTRL-V. The Lush editor is, and always has been, terrible for writing and I only use it to submit. Formatting is really not that necessary unless you're doing a fancy layout for a poem or something avant garde and, yes, the Lush editor is terrible at it.

Quote by KimUK
Look at the formatting options in the story box and the vast majority have been removed.

Removed, compared to what? A word processor? A content management system?

Let's turn it on its head: what formatting options do you need? Headings? Superscript? Subscript? Coloured text? Borders and tables? Choice of 600 different fonts?

A couple of heading styles might be nice, I agree. And I have asked for a drop-down of stock dividers that we can use. It's much better for screen readers to be able to mark up the divider as such, rather than use custom strings, so it isn't read out. For anything more fancy, the ability to add a divider of your own from your computer would be fab.

The problem with font choices and different size text, is that people will misuse it, and stories will render poorly, which negatively affects reader experience.

The limited options and less variance make it much easier to control how it looks on-screen.

I’ve seen * used as a divider on other stories here, so I know it’s not just me and why I used it on my follow up story.

A single star or a few characters is fine as a divider. You can centre it or not. Bold it. Your message earlier didn't appear to be about dividers. You were saying that paragraphs were not even possible without adding a star, and that caused a wall of text. And that Lush or the moderators forced you to write one sentence per paragraph. No wonder we all misinterpreted you if you're unclear!

Custom formatting is a balancing act. Using fully justified text and custom fonts makes it harder for dyslexic readers (look up The Waterfall Effect), so the site standardises on font and left justified text for clarity.

Colours too are fixed for the same reasons, so people don't employ yellow on white or something unreadable. Poetry especially renders badly on small screens if it's justified anything other than left alignment. Centre aligning a story tends to look terrible on all devices.

There's scope for a few more formatting options, sure. So if you have a use case for specific ones, please raise them via a help desk ticket. But I wouldn't hold your breath for anything beyond rudimentary selections, so readability for visitors is maintained.

(TW: Self harm, S**cide, Abusive of manipulative behavior, drug use)

In general - incredibly toxic behavior ( by bio men especially) that is passed off as endearing or even romantic by their partners. I recently had to put down a book because the main love interest in a story threatened and then attempted self harm because of a misunderstanding with his new partner- all just to get her to talk to him again. If the issue had been handled in a trauma informed way that set boundaries and explained that that sort of behavior is abusive and manipulative in the extreme, then I would have continued the book. That however did not happen. His partner was more concerned about whether he had actually been cheating on her or not. What the man had done to get her attention was passed off as "overly dramatic" and even "kind of romantic". As someone who has unfortunately had to deal with a very similar situation which resulted in my partner being removed from our home via paramedics, I was absolutely floored at how the author handled that part of the plot. Its not fun. Its not cute. Its not romantic. It is fucking terrifying and it will color the remains of the relationship for a very long time, if not forever. My only conclusion is that the author watched a lot of TV and decided that was enough research and thankfully has never had to experience those types of things first hand.

I completely embrace complex characters that make mistakes or that are dealing with their own personal trauma. I myself write a good deal of dark content and I do not expect a 30 page trigger warning for every book. Still, I can't help but worry that in a generally repressed western society the continued repetition of "He loved me so much he punched a hole in the wall"/ "He was instantly jealous on the first date and proceeded to show up in my apartment with no invite" - is actually dangerous in the long run. That does not even begin to touch on what bio women are socially engineered to put up with in the real world and because of that one cannot expect their audience to "know better" in stories that are based in our current reality.

Yes these stories are fiction, yes they exist to cater to someones fantasy, but it IS POSSIBLE to ensure that the content is both hot, dirty, AND socially conscious. At this point it just seems lazy as much as utilizing 50 Shades as legitimate research material for a BDSM story. Have your tattooed-to-the-toes "bad boy" character with abusive parent issues all day every day, have the warrior king out for blood, the blue-eyed oligarch with alarming trust issues...but can we stop acting like its not abuse please?

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Quote by wolfin_noclothing

To me, there needs to be some kind of emotional hook. I want to identify with a character, and I want to be in the mind of someone that I can relate to at least a little and kind of.. use my empathy to put myself in the place of a character. There is also a level of proficiency with language and structure that I kinda feel I need. I don't mind new writers or people who have never written smut, but give me a little variety in sentence structure.

This is a big one for me. A writer who repeats the same phrase, or character description over and over, not only in the same story but across many stories, stops me in my tracks. There are authors I just don't even skim anymore because not only the phrases are reused endlessly, but the plot doesn't vary much either from story to story.

I can get past a lot of things when reading other people's writing. Bad grammar, typos, and dialogue is all part of growth as a writer. Writing is an art that takes years to develop. Without hating on a specific genre, I would have to say that the number one turnoff for me is depicting a woman as complete trash for no reason at all. If a woman is going out on a limb and attempting to be risque, then tells us that, put it in the storyline. It's not hot to just describe a woman as a totally trashy skank with no morals whatsoever who, for no reason at all, jumps on some guys cock out of the blue - and that's the story. Thumbs down.

Quote by 2bespanked
the plot doesn't vary much either from story to story.

I'm guilty of this, sorry. I had a run of Flash stories about different cheating couples, and a few readers thought it was a series.

I'm trying to branch out more in writing style and tone. All part of gradually developing as a writer.

Quote by Gordon_Brail
It's not hot to just describe a woman as a totally trashy skank with no morals whatsoever who, for no reason at all, jumps on some guys cock out of the blue

I agree. Even in Microfiction I prefer stories that give reasons for someone's behavior.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

I agree. Even in Microfiction I prefer stories that give reasons for someone's behavior.

Yeah. WHY is she a totally trashy skank? What is she thinking while being skanky? That’s a story.

I have tried micro fiction a few times and can’t write one to save my life. I like to think I am good at flash and minimalist writing (I didn’t even use the maximum 2000 words for the comp) but I just can’t keep it under 100 words. It’s like a mental block.

Quote by Ensorceled

I have tried micro fiction a few times and can’t write one to save my life. I like to think I am good at flash and minimalist writing (I didn’t even use the maximum 2000 words for the comp) but I just can’t keep it under 100 words. It’s like a mental block.

Microfiction just flexes different muscles. You can do it. Take one of your flashes and condense it down to a micro. I bet it would be great!

For me as a reader, I’m turned off if it’s written in 1st POV, but the character speaks differently during narration than dialogue. Then, the character doesn’t feel authentic, and the author loses me. And I’m guilty of this in some of my stories.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

I agree. Even in Microfiction I prefer stories that give reasons for someone's behavior.

I think this the hardest part to get convincingly right given the word constraint. It is obviously not really a concern if you are just presenting a sex scene, but in a B/M/E story, it is tough, though there are writers here who do it very well. I do try, but the results are probably more successful in my head than the reader's.

Quote by KimmiBeGood
I’m turned off if it’s written in 1st POV, but the character speaks differently during narration than dialogue.

This is true for me too.

I've written a few (both published and as yet unpublished) stories where the character's voice carries on in dialogue. It's one of the hardest things I find to do convincingly as a writer.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

This is true for me too.

I've written a few (both published and as yet unpublished) stories where the character's voice carries on in dialogue.

Can you give me an example of this?

Quote by 2bespanked

Can you give me an example of this?

Sure. Try Fate Into Doubt Won't Go which is nearly there.

I don't want to be harsh. Being a writer myself, I tend to be a lenient reader. Writers on LushStories don't get paid. Many readers have precise expectations and are uncompromising on them. In general, you'll have a happier time on this earth if you allow your mind to relax and let yourself be taken on a surprising journey.

Here are my rare pet-peeves...

Anything that sounds too much like porn. Others have made remarks about this too. When I see female characters who all wear miniskirts and tops that are stretched by big boobs, in a context where anyone would just wear normal clothes, I sigh. I usually prefer women wearing respectable-looking clothes; it's so hot when they get undressed!

People saying "fuck this, fuck that" and other four-letter words all the time, even when they are university-educated, and even when the story is set in the 1940's. Hoodlums back then never spoke like a 2010's mofo. There are contexts where it adds to the story and puts colours in the characters, but it shouldn't be a cookie-cutter recipe.

Stories that clearly follow a how-to-be-popular recipe, which causes the plot to be too predictable. It takes courage to write a character most readers are less likely to relate to, or a story that flies into the face of what's generally viewed as a great story.