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first story published, looking for constructive feedback

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Mrsmcrocker
Active Ink Slinger
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hi guys,

could you read my first story.. I would like to know what you think about it and would appreciate some constructive feedback for areas of improvement.

thanks smile
Guest
Lurker
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You should link your story to this thread so that people can find your story.
Pretzel
Active Ink Slinger
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Loved the little bit of Dom you put in there. Well written thanks for sharing