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first story published, looking for constructive feedback

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Mrsmcrocker
Active Ink Slinger
hi guys,

could you read my first story.. I would like to know what you think about it and would appreciate some constructive feedback for areas of improvement.

thanks smile
Guest
Lurker
You should link your story to this thread so that people can find your story.
Pretzel
Active Ink Slinger
Loved the little bit of Dom you put in there. Well written thanks for sharing