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If you could play a role in any movie...

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I'd be "Mike Talman" tall, handsome, beautiful and new in that Navy peacoat. I'd stay one step ahead of that psycho bastard from Scarsdale. and send him back to hell for all the people he'd left butchered in his perverted wake.

I'd gather "Susy" and take her away from that mean SOB of a husband, cross into Canada just after midnight and settle close to that point where the Falls go over the cataracts (you know the place). And I'd paint that picture for "Susy" so she could see it and I'd never leave her side, or, sneer at her because she couldn't see.

And I'd -Wait Until Dark- every night and hold her in my arms so she'd never be afraid of it again.
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In silence I'd be "A Tramp" and I would do an immediate about face and pick up that discarded bundle so the police officer wouldn't arrest me and I'd pick him up again when the neighborhood woman beat me into it, and I'd never put -The Kid- down again.

I'd feed him from the bottle, I'd keep him safe and warm, I'd teach him a trade/how to throw rocks, so me, his protector could practice his trade/replacing broken windows, and I'd preserve him for his mother for one day she would return for him.
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HANNA, Poison Ivy or Rogue.

Maybe even the female version of RoboCop.
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I'd be "Dix" -The Asphalt Jungle-
I'd take "Doll" and drive her as far away as I could. Then we'd walk the walk, vow the vows and make the start.
And we'd never look back.
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I'd be -The Champ- and in the face of a Florida downpour of a billion tears we'd meet, in the stable, "TJ's" mother and I, his father. We'd talk about our child, but, also about us.

"What about me! We'd give you, give you second chance."

"Billyyyyyy."
She'd come to me, fall to her knees and gently touch me.
And she'd agree.
And "Mike" would understand.
And "Georgie" wouldn't cry.
Verbal
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by IMPÜRETHOUGHTS



HANNA, Poison Ivy or Rogue.

Maybe even the female version of RoboCop.







You'd make a helluva good Robocop. Though I'm guessing your libertarian tendencies would mean you'd not be throwing many people into jail.

Me? Verbal in The Usual Suspects. Duh.

Runners up:

Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird.
The Dude in The Big Lebowski.
Godzilla in Godzilla.
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Once again I'd be a "Dix" -In a Lonely Place-
As "Dixon Steele" I'd stand in front of my mirror, slap myself till I cried my hatred clean from my soul. Then I'd search out "Laurel Gray," fall to my knees: confess my sins, swear on the Bible I'd bring with me that I'd never give her another moment's pain as long as I live. We'd go to the church, and you damn right:::we'd walk the walk, vow the vows and make the start.
We'd collaborate, on equal terms, as husband and wife writing books and screenplays the rest of our lives.
And we'd never look back.
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Quote by Verbal


You'd make a helluva good Robocop. Though I'm guessing your libertarian tendencies would mean you'd not be throwing many people into jail.

Me? Verbal in The Usual Suspects. Duh.

Runners up:

Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird.
The Dude in The Big Lebowski.
Godzilla in Godzilla.



No jail time because thats literally a paid vacation. They'll definitely expire though.
Cristal_di_Canta
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Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction. Especially the dance!
Cristal di Canta
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I'd be "Dave" and I'd journey to see her and she'd receive me and we'd talk about the past and I'd tell her about Jesus Christ, my Lord and savior and at the last before I walked away from her for the second and final time I'd take note that she wore no wedding ring, nor ban. And I'd not be the coward I was the last time.

"Are you still married?"
"No."
"Do you remember what it said."
She did and she'd gently nod.
My voice breaking I'd finally be brave..."What did it say?"
"Me & You, Us, Forever"
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I'd be "Philp Green" -Gentleman's Agreement-
I'd come to my senses, kick "Kathy" into the gutter whence she crawled.
I'd find "Ann," immediately beg her forgiveness and love, accept her marriage proposal, have that great mother be maid of honor, and our American treasure (Dean Stockwell) be best man. We'd walk the walk, vow the vows and make the start by taking New York City by storm as equally great writers.
And we'd never look back.
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Quote by Cristal_di_Canta
Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction. Especially the dance!




Never grows old, Cristal.

The quality fade to black always the topping.
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I'd be "Jerry" and I'd not only forgive Barbara Stanwyck's "Mae", but, I'd do her one better; I'd forget, just like he did. -Clash by Night-

"Jerry" was right...a fishing boat was no place for their child.
LakeShoreLimited
Active Ink Slinger


I'd like to be Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson) in Double Indemnity. I love the way he unravels the inept scheme that Walter and Phyllis have cooked up. He knows they're complete amateurs, but he takes his time and really nails it.
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Quote by LakeShoreLimited


I'd like to be Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson) in Double Indemnity. I love the way he unravels the inept scheme that Walter and Phyllis have cooked up. He knows they're complete amateurs, but he takes his time and really nails it.


The only bone I have to pick with it, Lake, is "Walter's" apartment door swings out instead of in like every other apartment door I've ever seen. If it swings (in) there is no movie thereafter. They're busted.

---------

That aside it is a masterpiece.

The way the two talk frequently of the "death house" especially "Walter" - they're off the rails but, no longer care.

EGR telling "Walter" he was closer than across the desk from him. "Closer than that, Walter." It's a devastating denouement from a "father" to his lost "son."

---

Here is Walter's "baby":::
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I'd be that bastard "Heath"

---------

"Tell him; pappy says so."


By Gentile


---------

"There will be fits of rage, roundhouse punches thrown without provocation, or, at least very little provocation. Arguing for no reason whatsoever, or, very little reason. Going off half-cocked, plus temper tantrums galore. Do you understand?"

"How will I know the difference, Doctor? Ever since I found them all hiding, high and mighty, scrunched down in their barn, guarding the Barkley nest egg Nick has been exactly, 100% like you just described, even worse, lots worse. Just last night before he was bitten by that rabid wolf he roundhouse punched me twice and picked my boot once as I tended his rabid bite. And I'm his half brother by a different mother! Doc, I'm desperate for clarity and for some of that laudanum you're hoarding."

"Oh, so you're the new bastard I heard tell about? Well, all of Northern California has heard of you. And most of Southern California, right down to Malibu and South Central as well. You're sixth in the line for the (BB) Barkley Boodle I hear, correct, bastard?"

"Boy-howdy! My name is Heath, not bastard, sawbones! You think that six month medical degree you have hanging crooked there on that wall means something? It doesn't. I had more money in my left boot before Nick lifted it than you have in your whole mattress that Nick is now laying on and probably pilfering as we wrangle about this and about that. And I'm entitled to what is rightfully mine. I've fought thru the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, the Indian War with Custer at Little Big Horn, plus I'm up for the lead in the "Ballad of Andy Crocker" returning from the bush, and not Audra's, but, Joey's, so don't even start about Audra. She's as pure as the driven snow in Donner's Pass. And I'm no longer sixth. I'm fifth. My half-brother Eugene came up missing shortly after I came up declaring."

Doc: "Joey's?" To-him-self.

Doc: "Don't get touchy, bast, I mean Heath. We don't get much gossip here about unless it comes from The Big Valley. Your family is always up to something; sticking their noses into everybody else's business, running the whole valley, which you own, like from Northern California right to the tip of Southern California, East to the border of the Cartwright spread, and let me tell you Ben has quite a spread, but, nothing compares to the spread that Miss Victoria Barkley presents, huh, k**? You ever get a peek at that ankle bracelet, maybe carve a knot hole out of an out house, catch a glimpse thru a keyhole, get a look at a "private" family stereo-graph, or, three, huh, k**?"

Heath cold-cocked him with a roundhouse left.

"Nobody talks about mother like that. Nobody."

The doctor picked himself up, dusted himself off and made it right:

"Sorry, Heath. I haven't been roundhouse punched like that since I'm going to be once I present my bill to your half brother there pilfering thru my mattress. Which reminds me, half/son, if I may be so bold?"

"Watch it, old timer, I've been thru more wars than old glory, but, still just shy of 21-years-old."

"I have good news, Heath; I just got a shipment of blue eye shadow in for your mother and I came across your father's balls the other day during inventory. Let me get the hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar that contains Tom Barkley's balls. It also has some sealed envelopes inside addressed to some guys named Carson and McMahon. I did your father's autopsy, God rest his soul. Here."

Heath Barkley, nee bastard wanted to roundhouse punch the doctor again, but, was absolutely flummoxed to be holding the jar that held Tom Barkley's Balls (TBB).

"The hermetical seal sure keeps them fresh, doesn't it?"

"Yes, and my father's balls as well."

---------

"What's your prognosis, Doc?"

"Well, if you don't break the hermetic seal your father's bal..."

"No, Doc, my rabies prognosis!"

"Oh, sorry, legitimate son, there's a 60-day incubation period for rabies. If you're still alive after that you'll mostly likely stay that way, give or take 60 years. That'll be $5."

"$5!?!" In unison.

Roundhouses! In unison, then twin cold cocks.

---------

"C'mon, Nick, let's ride home and tell mother and Audra, Jarrod too and maybe Eugene will be back."

Nick knew that Eugene would never be back. He'd made sure of that. It was one thing to catch the young lad dressing in their sister Audra's extensive lingerie collection, though, he wasn't about to compete for said collection, but, it was another thing altogether to have to split that (BB) six ways instead of five ways. He'd had Eugene shanghaied the same day Heath showed up in their barn with their father's boots.

"I'm not going back, Heath. I'm going to find Jenny, my first love, hair of gold, lips like cherries, and that was below her waist if you get my meaning."

Heath got his 1/2 brother's meaning. He'd watched his 1/2 sister Audra since finding her standing erect among the scrunched Barkley clan that first day in their barn.

"No, mother I won't scrunch down and get my beautiful gown wrinkled!"

Oh, yeah, you betcha he got his 1/2 brother's meaning. He'd carved the knot hole, he'd bored out the key hole, he'd lifted an entire bowl of a****l fat from Silas' larder.

"I get your meaning."

"I'm going to go thru a living Hell for the next 60 days, Heath. Brawling, arguing, taking fits of rage on a thrice daily basis. I don't want my family seeing me like that, Heath, can you understand how I feel?"

"You're always like that, Nick." To-him-self.

He'd had enough round houses, and just wanted to get home, take a hot bath and play in his upstairs bedroom with his army guys. And he couldn't wait to see what Silas had made for their homecoming dinner. Well, his homecoming dinner.

"Okay, Nick, I won't argue with you and try to talk you out of it. I'll tell everyone back home you had to find yourself. I won't tell them you have rabies and will be foaming at the mouth like last week when Jarrod, at the dinner table busted your balls about you having to geld that $2,000.00 stallion because he threw you, busted your goober and embarrassed you in front of the entire bunkhouse."

"Give me your word, smart ass, I mean bastard, I mean Heath."

"You got it, 1/2."

---------
---The End---
---------

This spoof is most respectively dedicated to what I heartily believe is the finest episode in "The Big Valley" ABC network run 1965-1969: "Night of the Wolf."

Nick Barkley is bitten by a rabid wolf and does leave home and hearth to suffer and die alone as all people died in that circa when rabies was incurable.

Toward the end of the episode Jarrod Barkley implores his brother Heath (who has been keeping track of the 60-day incubation period in a small journal, x'ing out the days) to advise their "lost" son and brother to return to that home-that hearth-that family, so that they may love him...

---------
Jarrod Barkley:

"Heath, I'm going to ask you a question and I want a straight answer: You know something about Nick you're not telling us. What is it?"

(Silence)

"Heath, you can see what this is doing to us. You can see that's it's tearing mother and Audra to pieces."

(Silence)

Alright then, can you tell me this: Do you know where Nick is?"

---------
Heath Barkley:

"I think so."

---------
Jarrod Barkley:

"Then you give him a message for me: You tell him whatever trouble he's in his family has the right to share it with him. That it's our duty to help him if we can and it's his duty to let us. And he doesn't have the privilege to change that. Do you understand?

You tell him to come on back home. Tell him; pappy say's so."

---------
LakeShoreLimited
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Quote by Gentile


The only bone I have to pick with it, Lake, is "Walter's" apartment door swings out instead of in like every other apartment door I've ever seen. If it swings (in) there is no movie thereafter. They're busted.

---------

That aside it is a masterpiece.

The way the two talk frequently of the "death house" especially "Walter" - they're off the rails but, no longer care.

EGR telling "Walter" he was closer than across the desk from him. "Closer than that, Walter." It's a devastating denouement from a "father" to his lost "son."

---


"There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff; forty-five miles an hour."

"How fast was I going, officer?"

"I'd say around ninety."
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Quote by LakeShoreLimited


"There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff; forty-five miles an hour."

"How fast was I going, officer?"

"I'd say around ninety."


And that house: $40k!

He left her up there though.

He wouldn't have been able to live with it, not in the long run with "Keys" standing sentinel as his conscience.

She would've because she'd already murdered.
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I'd be "Sadie" this time -Sadie McKee-
I'd do it precisely as "Sadie" did.
I'd forgive "Tommy" because God tells us:
"But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours."
Matthew 6:15
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I'd be "Little John"
I'd obey Robin; I'd find his arrow-bring them close-and unite them forever.
-Robin and Marian-
LakeShoreLimited
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Quote by Gentile


And that house: $40k!

He left her up there though.

He wouldn't have been able to live with it, not in the long run with "Keys" standing sentinel as his conscience.

She would've because she'd already murdered.


That would be about $586,000 in today's money. Perhaps upper middle class rather than truly wealthy, but not too shabby.

Was it implied or even stated that she married for the money? It's been a while since I've seen it. The husband is an older guy. If you just go by the age of the actors, Tom Powers has seventeen years on Stanwyck. By contrast, MacMurray is very close in age; about a year younger in fact.
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Quote by LakeShoreLimited


That would be about $586,000 in today's money. Perhaps upper middle class rather than truly wealthy, but not too shabby.

Was it implied or even stated that she married for the money? It's been a while since I've seen it. The husband is an older guy. If you just go by the age of the actors, Tom Powers has seventeen years on Stanwyck. By contrast, MacMurray is very close in age; about a year younger in fact.


Thanks for running that number. Incredible.

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Yes, for the money and double the money + she'd be rid of him and get her hands on those oil leases. She'd been caretaker to Power's invalid wife and there'd been a question as to it being murder when the woman died. "Lola" Power's daughter knew it was murder and finally informed "Walter" who then smelled a rat after Stan took up with that bf of Lola's. "Segeti" something or other.
LakeShoreLimited
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Quote by Gentile


Thanks for running that number. Incredible.

---------

Yes, for the money and double the money + she'd be rid of him and get her hands on those oil leases. She'd been caretaker to Power's invalid wife and there'd been a question as to it being murder when the woman died. "Lola" Power's daughter knew it was murder and finally informed "Walter" who then smelled a rat after Stan took up with that bf of Lola's. "Segeti" something or other.



There are several inflation calculation sites on-line. Yes, our cash has been quite devalued over the years.

Thanks for the plot points; I had forgotten most of them. Phyllis was a real piece of work.
Unknown User
Quote by jules007
Doctor Who


Can I be the regeneration after yours?

Playing Han Solo in a prequel during the period between Solo and A New Hope could be fun, too. Flying the galaxy's fastest hunk of junk, outrunning Imperial enforcement and the Hutts, hanging with Chewie.
Meagananne1986
Sexy Seductive Siren
A "Bond girl" in an X-rated James Bond movie, especially in the older bond movies; From Russia with Love (Tatiana Romanova) or The Spy Who Loved Me (Anya Amasova) for instance.
Meagan