I am a 48 year old man married to a 45 year old woman. I am still relatively healthy, and have a healthy sex drive for my age ( or even perhaps slightly above average). My wife on the other hand has experienced a rather steep decline in her sex drive. She thinks it has to do with the meds she is taking for depression and seizures ( she was recently diagnosed with adult onset epilepsy).She has gotten to the point where she cannot even achieve an orgasm anymore! In talking with her doctors, they have offered very little assistance in suggestions for anything she can do to try to augment her libido. Needless to say, this has severly hampered her interest in having or enjoying sex. Might you know of any supplements that could help to augment her sex drive?Or any other ideas? It has become frustrating for her, and me!
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Quote by luganstud
I am a 48 year old man married to a 45 year old woman. I am still relatively healthy, and have a healthy sex drive for my age ( or even perhaps slightly above average). My wife on the other hand has experienced a rather steep decline in her sex drive. She thinks it has to do with the meds she is taking for depression and seizures ( she was recently diagnosed with adult onset epilepsy).She has gotten to the point where she cannot even achieve an orgasm anymore! In talking with her doctors, they have offered very little assistance in suggestions for anything she can do to try to augment her libido. Needless to say, this has severly hampered her interest in having or enjoying sex. Might you know of any supplements that could help to augment her sex drive?Or any other ideas? It has become frustrating for her, and me!
Hello.
Perhaps it might be best if she deals with other issues first before you try working on her sex drive. At this stage in her condition, her sex drive should really be the least of your worries. Learning one has a chronic condition really takes its toll on a person. Was she taking medicine for depression before she found out she had adult onset epilepsy? If so, the medicine for the seizures may be throwing off the depressions. She may have to try many more different types of meds before she finds a combination that works for her. Taking supplements for her sex drive at this point is just treating a symptom and not the problem.
It may be quite some time before she can enjoy sex again. The best advice I can give you is to be as patient and supportive with your wife as possible. When she learns to cope with her condition and depression simultaneously, I'm sure her libido will come around. Just give it some time before you start suggesting supplements. That may make her feel inadequate and contribute to her depression.
Also, ask yourself this: If it were the other way around and you were dealing with depression and adult onset epilepsy and a declining sex drive, what type of support would you want from your partner?
Yours truly,
~Olivia
I am not as optimistic as Olivia. I am in the same boat but I am the one on anti-anxiety meds and a drug that used to be used to deal with epilepsy but is now used to deaden nerve pain. The anti-anxiety drug kills my libido and so does the epilepsy one. Plus I have high blood pressure so things like Viagra are out.
To your point though--my wife quit taking hormones around age 60 due to fear of breast cancer(which she did contract 8 years later) and her sex drive disappeared completely to the point she wants nothing sexual at all in our lives. I am hammered from both sides.
My point? My case is not the same as yours except to the extent that powerful medications have powerful side effects. ALL anti-depressants lower libido, some driving it to zero and unless they are dispensed with she is not likely to ever feel much like sex again. The epilepsy drug may not be the culprit. But you should check it out. All drugs can be researched on line at sites like mayoclinic.com or drugs.com The side effects of many innocuous drugs are amazing when researched. Look up what she is taking for yourself.
I have found the medical profession singularly disinterested in trying to help couples find satisfactory sexual intimacy. Unless you can find someone who specializes in this, a sexologist or often a urologist or gynecologist but not always, you are on your own.
There are damned few supplements to increase sex drive. None of them are clinically proven and I have looked at dozens of them. It's mostly hokum and your money is better spent elsewhere.
I am sorry about your wife's illness and wish I could be more positive. My only advice to you sir is what I have to do: porn and masturbation while you wait this out, which is very difficult for me with the low libido. I may be able to climax 1-2 times per week only after much stimulation. Reading stories here can provide a background level of sexual excitement and that can help too. Some guys end up walking away from their woman, or begin cheating. I hate that alternative but it is there.
Olivia, I don't mean to pee on your parade and I am sure you know many things about this area I don't but I am living it and it sounds like this man and his wife are in the throes of it too. I cannot stay alive without my meds so reduced sexual activity while frustrating is far better than the alternative.
Peace.
To your point though--my wife quit taking hormones around age 60 due to fear of breast cancer(which she did contract 8 years later) and her sex drive disappeared completely to the point she wants nothing sexual at all in our lives. I am hammered from both sides.
My point? My case is not the same as yours except to the extent that powerful medications have powerful side effects. ALL anti-depressants lower libido, some driving it to zero and unless they are dispensed with she is not likely to ever feel much like sex again. The epilepsy drug may not be the culprit. But you should check it out. All drugs can be researched on line at sites like mayoclinic.com or drugs.com The side effects of many innocuous drugs are amazing when researched. Look up what she is taking for yourself.
I have found the medical profession singularly disinterested in trying to help couples find satisfactory sexual intimacy. Unless you can find someone who specializes in this, a sexologist or often a urologist or gynecologist but not always, you are on your own.
There are damned few supplements to increase sex drive. None of them are clinically proven and I have looked at dozens of them. It's mostly hokum and your money is better spent elsewhere.
I am sorry about your wife's illness and wish I could be more positive. My only advice to you sir is what I have to do: porn and masturbation while you wait this out, which is very difficult for me with the low libido. I may be able to climax 1-2 times per week only after much stimulation. Reading stories here can provide a background level of sexual excitement and that can help too. Some guys end up walking away from their woman, or begin cheating. I hate that alternative but it is there.
Olivia, I don't mean to pee on your parade and I am sure you know many things about this area I don't but I am living it and it sounds like this man and his wife are in the throes of it too. I cannot stay alive without my meds so reduced sexual activity while frustrating is far better than the alternative.
Peace.
Thank you so much for your replies. Sadly, your responses confirm what I was already suspecting. I will do some research on the drugs she is on, but it is apparent to me that one of the side affects is diminished libido. Unfortunately, like you Jaycox, these are drugs she needs to be on. Thank God I have found Lush, I think I will be needing many of the services provided here!
living dead girl
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All us guys must be in the same situation. I'm 58, wife is 54 and we haven't had any relations in over 3 years. It is so hard for me day to day that not being touched or kissed. She has fully no desires. Anything I've tried to romance does nothing. I'm at a point of looking for another lady just so we can hook up now and then, don't want to cheat but I still have desires and needs that need some help. Help me?
Awesome Lady
http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/What-to-Do-If-Your-Partner-Never-Wants-to-Have-Sex-Anymore
Just came across this and it may be helpful (above website).
And if not, do try to search the web for other advice. Best one though is a good counselor with some background in sexual therapy I would think.
Just came across this and it may be helpful (above website).
And if not, do try to search the web for other advice. Best one though is a good counselor with some background in sexual therapy I would think.
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Unfortunately, I had the opposite problem... And my ex refused to see a physician, it eventually tore our marriage apart. Very sad?
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Women are not like men... I don't think most men get that. We don't wake up ready to fuck, unless previously stimulated or ridiculously in love or lust. Meds, kids, careers, and our hubby's all play a factor in this.
Most guys can't understand that a cuddle to us is damn near as good as getting fucked well, by a man we want to be fucked well by.
My suggestion would be to talk to her about what you can do to make it more engaging and enjoyable for her. But the unfortunate part for OP is that she may not give him the response he wants to hear. Which will further fuel the lack of intimacy.
You might want to consider being a sugar daddy. You'll get what you want sexually without the intimacy issues. Younger women are looking forward to experiences. Older women are looking for comfort and security. Especially at that age.... you might never get a good orgasm out of her again.
Most guys can't understand that a cuddle to us is damn near as good as getting fucked well, by a man we want to be fucked well by.
My suggestion would be to talk to her about what you can do to make it more engaging and enjoyable for her. But the unfortunate part for OP is that she may not give him the response he wants to hear. Which will further fuel the lack of intimacy.
You might want to consider being a sugar daddy. You'll get what you want sexually without the intimacy issues. Younger women are looking forward to experiences. Older women are looking for comfort and security. Especially at that age.... you might never get a good orgasm out of her again.
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Quote by DaveyBoy300
All us guys must be in the same situation. I'm 58, wife is 54 and we haven't had any relations in over 3 years. It is so hard for me day to day that not being touched or kissed. She has fully no desires. Anything I've tried to romance does nothing. I'm at a point of looking for another lady just so we can hook up now and then, don't want to cheat but I still have desires and needs that need some help. Help me?
We need to understand our women better. The is a thing called "HSDD:"
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/loss-of-sexual-desire-in-women
It may seem incredible but this is what doctors have found:
Contrary to popular belief, experts say frequency of sexual intercourse has nothing to do with sexual desire or satisfaction. [from the same source linked above.]
I might add still another alternative I have used. Become a sexual "Ace."
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I'm a compulsive record keeper. based on the last 15 of notes about other peoples love life. 40s is when wives start loosing interest in sex. the options for the husband is to play around or move on. here is the interesting part. most of the ones who chose to play around want to do it discretely enough to keep their marriage. apparently an extremely large percentage of husbands experimentally play with their little chums when they were young. at this stage of their marriage they start thinking about the carefree fun they had. since they don't want a divorce they revert back to childhood and start playing with their new chums. somehow they justify in their minds that fooling with other guys isn't cheating. most start off receiving oral and slowly transits into giving.