I have always had a open mind when it comes to sex. Within the past couple years I have become more and curious about messing around with another guy. Thinking about sucking a cock, having a guy play with my ass all that stuff gets me so hard! I am in a open relationship and she knows all about it. The only problem I have faced with is I don't know to kinda act upon it i guess. I know deep down it would be best in a threesome but she is so damn picky i dont foresee it happening anytime soon. So I am looking for advice on how to make myself comfortable with playing with a guy just 1 on 1.
That's quite a dilemma.
Fortunately for me, I got a lot of my issues with other dudes out of the way early on, but there are several schools of thought on the matter and I'll try to share as many as I can think of. They're all going to be emotionally rough in some way, but it differs from version to version, which is why I'm sharing all of them.
#1: Ripping the Bandage. This was sort of my approach to it. To be fair, though, the experience went way farther than I wanted it to at the age of... too young, and that caused its own issues. I try not to talk about it on Lush that much because it can make people uncomfortable, but it's relevant that it happened so that's what I'm sharing. The first part of that experience, however is also relevant. Once you have a guy who's interested, just go for it. You may have noticed a stereotype that floats around about the queer community: We move fast. It's based in truth. It doesn't apply to everybody, but it's a group of people who are almost by definition more in touch with their sexuality and more comfortable with it. If they aren't they're usually still in the closet. Talk to your girlfriend. Make sure it's really cool if you get with another guy, and then do it.
#2: The Third Wheel. This involves, predictably enough, a third individual. A woman. You say your girlfriend is picky, but there are a couple of options here. The first of which begs another question. Are you allowed to sleep with other women, or just men? If you are, then a threesome with another woman with whom you're already comfortable, sexually speaking is a good way to go. She should also be reasonably well versed in the ways of gay male sex.
#2-B: The Third Wheel - Alternate This variant is specific to you. If you find a guy whom you're compatible with but your girlfriend is not into, find out if she might like to watch. She could handle her own body, or you could go down on her while you're getting a blowjob or some assplay. She might jump in, if the mood takes her. She might also not. There's a good chance that this is the way to go, but only if she's into the idea.
#3: The Wading Pool. This approach is the slowest, and the safest. Find your local LGBT[TQQIAPP...etc.] group. Yeah, the acronym keeps growing, and I don't honestly know where we are now. I don't much care, either, but it's fun. Anyway, this is also another solid route because of how slow it is. It acclimates you to the environment, which is different. I'm sure the internet has the answers for the Sacramento region, so that shouldn't be hard. The important thing is to be patient. Ask the people you're meeting how they got into the scene. In some areas, it's not much different than hetero dating, but in others, it's a whole new world. An apt metaphor might be finding a munch, if you're just discovering your into BDSM.
Okay, that's most of my advice. Now, let's discuss what not to do. DON'T GO CLUBBING. Worst way to have your first male on male experience ever. There are a multitude of reasons, and I've experienced many of them. I'm not going to list horror stories, because there's so much good stuff that happens in that world and so many good people. But, seriously, stay out of the clubs unescorted. With a tour-guide you're probably fine.
Hope this helps, sorry I ran on at the keyboard so long. As usual, I guess.
I know the feeling. If I were a woman, I think it would be much easier to experiment with the same sex because society is much more accepting of it. Finding a guy that likes to kiss and makeout would be like finding gold to me. Make sure he is STD free. How you do that, Iam not sure. I wish you well.
There is a myriad of ways to find a male partner. I certainly wouldn't look on CL or the Back Page. Lots of riffraff. My suggestion would be a swinger site (ask me in a PM about some).
You should also define for yourself and a potential partner what it is you are looking for. If you just want to experience giving a blowjob then that is pretty easy....VERY EASY.......
If you are looking for a tender passionate experience then it should require an open dialog with whomever you are playing with and you can find that on a swinger site as well.
I do not in any way condone a pick up at a bar.....Danger Danger Danger.
If you want to feel anal, make him wear a condom and be sure to clean the pipes before hand. After you get to know each other better, then bareback should be fine.
I just don't know exactly what your desires are. But you need to define them clearly for yourself and your partner.
If you'd like to discuss this further don't hesitate to PM me.
Id
A long weekend at a 'Lifestyle' resort or attending 'Splash Day' at someplace like Hippie Hollow [on Lake Travis near Austin, Texas], would be great ways to meet guys of similar mind. Some gay bars and clubs as well as BDSM clubs are safe places to be open about your desires. Trying to start with a 3-some would definetly be easier at the resorts [BTW, do NOT confuse lifestyle resorts and/or conventions with nudist events!].
And if you want to do your homework properly, I can thoroughly recommend the BI-CURIOUS and BISEXUALITY pages on Wilipedia. The latter is much more informative, and even includes an alphabetical list of known bisexual celebrities.
