i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt?
In my experience, you can't. Emotions just don't usually flip back that way. I'm curious as to why she is more of a concern to you than your marriage, though.
Quote by Delphi In my experience, you can't. Emotions just don't usually flip back that way. I'm curious as to why she is more of a concern to you than your marriage, though.
I agree. People can learn to deal with their emotions, and sometimes ignore them, but you will always have that "flutter" or even "pain" when thinking of them sometimes. People even experience this after a divorce, even a bad one. It is what it is.
My advice is that if you can't separate a general friendship from your feelings for her, stay social and civil, but do not get involved in typical friendship conversations. Don't eat lunch with her or any other "not required" contact. Don't go out of your way to be anything but working friends and keep it professional. It would be GREAT if you could still be friends and more than social workmates, but some people just can't do that without it causing too many emotional issues for them.
I have found that in most cases I have seen, woman are more able to do that then men are. That is not saying ALL me, or ALL women, just what I have seen. But another factor is who has the feelings and who does not. This time it is you on the emotional side of things..... good luck.
In all honesty, as Delphi has said, you can't just turn off your emotions. She doesn't see you that way. And you've probably ruined your chance at even a friendship with her, to be honest.
Also, as Delphi has said, I'd really like to know why your feelings that she doesn't return mean more to you than your marriage.
Quote by WellMadeMale Meh, just roll with the changes, Paul. Ignore your married former dalliance and go back to the drawing board.
Speaking of unrequited love, Barbie's not getting any love from her studmuffin of a Master lately. And yeah, sorry, but Paul was HOT and I mean, Ibiza was rocking and I know it was just supposed to be like a weekend, but I kept missing my flight and damn, everyone loved me there and Pau was like the total sugar daddy - didn't even mind me fucking around on him, until he found out, that is - oops! LOL! Anyway, hope you missed me, even just a little? mwah! Barbie missed you! xx B
You're an idiot. You've gone and ruined a good work relationship and, potentially, your marriage for a dalliance. Genius.
Sort out the issues which are clearly in your marriage first (as otherwise you wouldn't be chasing skirts) and THEN worry about being friends with the girl
Paul, I'm curious as to where this pops up in other aspects of your life. Sounds as if you sort of want the cake and eat it too. Is this a pattern for you? Wanting something before you're willing to release what you have? If you're in a relationship with a wife (kids?) work that one out first - stay, go, either way work it out first. Don't want to do that then you're doomed to keep going after the unrequited love, the job you almost got/wished you had, etc. But then again some people prefer that "drama" in their lives. Perhaps a talk with a counselor? Good luck.
I'm not convinced the feelings are unrequited love so much as unconsummated sexual lust. Love asks nothing in return. It's given freely, It can be shared, but makes no demands, has no expectations. Crushes, infatuations, even obsessions are not love, just desire. In my opinion, there's a HUGE difference between all these emotions.
Quote by paul1979 i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt?
The agony aunt has only tough love for you, sir. The answer is very simple: you can't give her what she wants unless you leave her alone. This is the reason for the emotional distance, as I'm sure that wasn't your idea. Your idea is to have her supply the role that I'm guessing your wife played in your life and in your heart. I will not moralize and ask you loaded questions about why you're not as concerned about your marriage as you are about this person. We don't have your whole story and we don't have your wife's either. It's not our business unless you make it that way. But advice on your questions is my business, and I will simply say: abort mission. Find a new target for your emotional infidelity, such as it is. This woman you seek stronger connection with has let go of the rope.
Better luck in the future!
Unknown User
tough love from the nunnery too
see what I suspect happened was you felt more for her than she did for you
and unlike you..she realized she was married
see you cant be married and be in love with someone else at the same time
you have to chose
and if you are still in love with her you need to let your wife go
see she deserves a man who ADORES her
not one who is just marking time as he waits for another to sweep him away
and you never ever do that at work
I mean two married people possibly having an affair
trust me...someone could lose their job
and for what..
something that doesn't even give you the safety of a promise
