K... so this is going to be a long one... (hope someone will actually read it )
I was in a stable relationship with my BF for 1.5 years. I think we love each other ( we kiss (shallow) and hug and care ) even if we communicate less than we used to (He is a gamer and I am trying to drop gaming (studying at university)but for the past 0.5 years he doesn't want to have sex with me or even French me... I think it's weird, because he gets a boner every morning just like all the guys do. He never masturbates, because he thinks that's disgusting. The closest to sex we get is going to sleep naked every night, but nothing happens.
So I have been hungering for some physical action for a while.
A few weeks ago one of my former classmates from middle school called me. We last talked on our graduation 12th year of school (that was 3 years ago).
Back then we had a Master-Minion sort of relationship. It was weird. We could be perfectly perverted with each other, talk about anything personal or private, but we were never attracted physically (I considered him ugly, he thought the same of me) and since we both were outcasts we had no one else's company to enjoy but our own.
He always was a dominate type of person and I loved to be ordered around.
My classmate, as so many years ago, ordered me to meet him. And so I did.
Before the day of meeting came I tried to remember how he looks an everything and I started wildly fantasizing about him. It pained me badly because I felt like my BF is pushing me to think of other men with his neglect of my needs.
When I met up with my former classmate (FCM for short) I told him about my situation. He laughed at me, but he also tried to help me understand my own feelings for my BF (in a very sadistically sarcastic sort of way) . I noticed that he hadn't changed at all. He was the same brutally straight sarcastic, bossy person I knew from 3 years ago. That turned me on and off at the same time (still consider him physically unattractive). That day I had a tremendously hard time parting with him. So hard in fact that I intentionally missed 3 buses.
The next few days I went out for long walks alone just so I could talk to my FCM. I confessed my erotic fantasies to him. It's much easier to talk to him that way. And even though I had seen him I continued fantasizing about having sex with him even though he didn't turn me on in person. Nor did he like me. Just that "Guys can lay anything if they need to."
Eventually I decided that I want to have sex with him (and I still think I do), so we met and everything was going the way I wanted, but I chickened out at almost the last moment. He told me that is my answer to how I feel about my BF. I asked him to continue, use force if he wanted. He grabbed me around my waist and pulled me so close to him that I got scared. Then he asked me do I really want him to use force. I felt so ashamed of myself. Nothing happened.
He walked me to my bus stop and again I missed a bunch of buses. He was teasing me because I asked him for a kiss and he declined "I won't give it to You because that's what You really want."
So... bottom line is... I have a BF who I love but we are passive. I have a dominant FCM who drives me crazy, but who I for some reasons find unattractive. I have a terrible sense of guilt that doesn't allow me to physically cheat (I still think that the meetings and calls are cheating).
Can someone tell me their point of view on this because I don't know what to do.
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the curiouse case of rediculouse me...
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Constant Gardener
A) You are young, which is to your advantage...press that advantage to your benefit - you have plenty of time to look about and discover.
B) Your current boyfriend of 18 months and you have slipped into a comfortable friend zone. He's into his games and other activities much more than he is into you. That may not be such a bad thing. Keep him as a friend, those are good to have. You have things in common, you'll probably continue to grow apart as you further your education and he stagnates in the virtual world. Or you may end up lifelong friends, that's not bad either. You probably won't be lovers again with the same fire and passion which you may once have experienced together...that is not uncommon, nor is it indicative of you being weird or him being weird...it is just how it is, sometimes.
C) Your FCM serves as a sounding board of the darker aspects which you gravitate towards sometimes. You've missed someone like him, but since you never found him visually/physically attractive enough to escalate a physical relationship or experience with... you probably never will. Most of us have such friends in our lives, some of us have several - some of us do not have anyone we can relate to on that level. You are fortunate in that regard. I wouldn't force the escalation of sexual play with the fellow, he seems disinterested and not adequately turned on by you without his further exerting some level of pretend effort on his part. I wouldn't go there, with him either. You both drifted apart for natural reasons, 36 months ago. Consider him a friend as well, but not the life long loving, sexually turned on to - type of friendship we all would enjoy.
D) You seem to be seeking a combination of the two men. Someone you are physically attracted to - who is also attracted to you in that way. Someone who owns a dominant, traditionally masculine sense of self awareness and bearing. There are many men out there who fit those few criteria (with many other assorted ingredients). Let them know you are available - when you feel that you are. Don't force anything, this typically results in predictable wreakage, which you've so far avoided in your young life.
Spread your wings and fly (sounds cliche' and it is) but it is also a good analogy. You sound as if you're a butterfly which has emerged from your chrysalis and are looking about for a mate...perhaps because you feel you have limited time.
You don't... you are young and you are not a limited butterfly.
B) Your current boyfriend of 18 months and you have slipped into a comfortable friend zone. He's into his games and other activities much more than he is into you. That may not be such a bad thing. Keep him as a friend, those are good to have. You have things in common, you'll probably continue to grow apart as you further your education and he stagnates in the virtual world. Or you may end up lifelong friends, that's not bad either. You probably won't be lovers again with the same fire and passion which you may once have experienced together...that is not uncommon, nor is it indicative of you being weird or him being weird...it is just how it is, sometimes.
C) Your FCM serves as a sounding board of the darker aspects which you gravitate towards sometimes. You've missed someone like him, but since you never found him visually/physically attractive enough to escalate a physical relationship or experience with... you probably never will. Most of us have such friends in our lives, some of us have several - some of us do not have anyone we can relate to on that level. You are fortunate in that regard. I wouldn't force the escalation of sexual play with the fellow, he seems disinterested and not adequately turned on by you without his further exerting some level of pretend effort on his part. I wouldn't go there, with him either. You both drifted apart for natural reasons, 36 months ago. Consider him a friend as well, but not the life long loving, sexually turned on to - type of friendship we all would enjoy.
D) You seem to be seeking a combination of the two men. Someone you are physically attracted to - who is also attracted to you in that way. Someone who owns a dominant, traditionally masculine sense of self awareness and bearing. There are many men out there who fit those few criteria (with many other assorted ingredients). Let them know you are available - when you feel that you are. Don't force anything, this typically results in predictable wreakage, which you've so far avoided in your young life.
Spread your wings and fly (sounds cliche' and it is) but it is also a good analogy. You sound as if you're a butterfly which has emerged from your chrysalis and are looking about for a mate...perhaps because you feel you have limited time.
You don't... you are young and you are not a limited butterfly.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
I'm so happy I got an answer.
A) I am an introvert type of person. It's hard to look around, because I am scared to...
That's why I am usually trying to cope with what I have.
B) Sounds like my not so romantic relationship just turned in a completely NON romantic one. I have been feeling this too, but it still hurts, since I still think I love him.
C) I think You are right... but it doesn't help me with the fact that I still fantasize about him. Furthermore I noticed that I stopped fantasizing about my BF which makes me even more miserable. And I don't even know where to put my sexual energy in... (not a toy fan, no masturbation - after real sex that ridiculous, + I need sex not so much for the in out but for the emotional state and touching (haven''t had an orgasm... ever... and am quite unfeeling down there)).
D) I don't feel available at all... Feel more like an accessory to someone... (My BF because he is my BF and my FCM because I still feel his power over me) I am not mine - sounds terrifying.
A) I am an introvert type of person. It's hard to look around, because I am scared to...
That's why I am usually trying to cope with what I have. B) Sounds like my not so romantic relationship just turned in a completely NON romantic one. I have been feeling this too, but it still hurts, since I still think I love him.
C) I think You are right... but it doesn't help me with the fact that I still fantasize about him. Furthermore I noticed that I stopped fantasizing about my BF which makes me even more miserable. And I don't even know where to put my sexual energy in... (not a toy fan, no masturbation - after real sex that ridiculous, + I need sex not so much for the in out but for the emotional state and touching (haven''t had an orgasm... ever... and am quite unfeeling down there)).
D) I don't feel available at all... Feel more like an accessory to someone... (My BF because he is my BF and my FCM because I still feel his power over me) I am not mine - sounds terrifying.
Quote by Minion
I'm so happy I got an answer.
A) I am an introvert type of person. It's hard to look around, because I am scared to...
B) Sounds like my not so romantic relationship just turned in a completely NON romantic one. I have been feeling this too, but it still hurts, since I still think I love him.
C) I think You are right... but it doesn't help me with the fact that I still fantasize about him. Furthermore I noticed that I stopped fantasizing about my BF which makes me even more miserable. And I don't even know where to put my sexual energy in... (not a toy fan, no masturbation - after real sex that ridiculous, + I need sex not so much for the in out but for the emotional state and touching (haven''t had an orgasm... ever... and am quite unfeeling down there)).
D) I don't feel available at all... Feel more like an accessory to someone... (My BF because he is my BF and my FCM because I still feel his power over me) I am not mine - sounds terrifying.
Have you been to a doctor to find out why you are quite unfeeling down there because I've never heard anyone say that before. Have you ever brought yourself to orgasm, or tried to? I don't understand why you would say "no masturbation - after real sex that's ridiculous". I don't think it's ridiculous and am very curious as to why you would think that.
I'll leave it at that because I'm sure others will come along who can answer your questions better than I ever could.
I think that I am unfeeling since before sex I masturbated several times a day... in am awkward sort of way of crossing my legs tight enough to feel pain... When I started having sex I didn't feel sexual excitement... I enjoyed more the emotional aspect of it... and was pleased... so I dropped the masturbation (hove not done it for 3 years). And am not willing to start over... I have slept with 5 guys total of different ages and skill and have never had an orgasm... Would You consider me being just unlucky or unfeeling... ? Either way I haven't been to a doctor... doubt I will since I don't see it as a medical problem that would endanger my life... so it's not worth the expenses...
Active Ink Slinger
To me it sounds as if your own sexuality needs awakening. you don;t seem to have had very considerate lovers - maybe I'm misinterpreting here.
Well, if you don't want to cheat on your boyfriend, WHAT is your question? Your answer might be to talk to your BF about how you feel, or ditch your current BF, and have some sort of relationship with the FCM.
You say you don't masturbate because after real sex it's ridiculous, and that you have no feeling 'down there', and won't go to a doctor to get it checked out.
I think this whole post of yours is a load of bullshit.
You say you don't masturbate because after real sex it's ridiculous, and that you have no feeling 'down there', and won't go to a doctor to get it checked out.
I think this whole post of yours is a load of bullshit.
Quote by Minion
Yay... a clueless man comment... nothing personal... 1. the first man doesn't want to have sex with me. 2. Having sex with both won't solve my problem but will make it worst.
Yay! you've almost answered your own questions!
there aren't too many options left for you other than the ones already suggested. So far you've insulted two of the people who have taken the time to try to help you.... When I made my last reply I had come back to see if anyone else had been able to help you, then saw your replies to some of us who had.... which led me to call it all bullshit.
So... to use your own words... "The curiouse case of rediculouse me".... is ridiculous. Sounds like the title of a story to me. oh wait.......
Active Ink Slinger
There's no reason to be rude, there would have been an aswer here sooner but the big machine that checks boyfriends' brains is clogged up at the moment. Sadly, Up until then it will not be possible to tell you why he doesn't want to have sex with you. Since there is no indication that it will work in the near future it might be smart to ask your boyfriend about it, if you indeed love him. If you don't then it's time to break off, as your gamer boyfriend probably would say: 'gg no re'.
Active Ink Slinger
i am confused too..you say you dont masturbate then you said you did??
you are in passive realtionship and want more? yet wont ask for it???
hello you are not married...if you are unhappy you leave...period..the sex will not change UNLESS you either get him to do what you want or you leave..period
and i think you owe the people that commented on this thread an apology...i mean we are not getting PAID for this..we want to help you..why else would we bother
to answer...
you sound very very young...maybe when you grow up you will have the sexual realtionship you want
you are in passive realtionship and want more? yet wont ask for it???
hello you are not married...if you are unhappy you leave...period..the sex will not change UNLESS you either get him to do what you want or you leave..period
and i think you owe the people that commented on this thread an apology...i mean we are not getting PAID for this..we want to help you..why else would we bother
to answer...
you sound very very young...maybe when you grow up you will have the sexual realtionship you want
Advanced Wordsmith
You say your bf has no interest in you? You also said he doesn't even masturbate? Something is wrong right there. Unless something is physically or emotionally wrong with him(please don't take that as me calling him impotent or insane) that is not normal. Is he depressed?
If you find he is lying about the masturbation thing or that he really has lost interest, it's time to move on. Getting bogged down in a nowhere relationship is not where you want to be. I've been there. About the other guy, if you two aren't physically attracted, it isn't going to work out. Relationships need certain things to work, or you're going to stay unhappy. My advice would be to tell your boyfriend how you feel about the situation, and if he doesn't change get out of dodge. I know change is hard, but it has to happen if you want to see improvement. The longer you wait, the harder its going to be.
If you find he is lying about the masturbation thing or that he really has lost interest, it's time to move on. Getting bogged down in a nowhere relationship is not where you want to be. I've been there. About the other guy, if you two aren't physically attracted, it isn't going to work out. Relationships need certain things to work, or you're going to stay unhappy. My advice would be to tell your boyfriend how you feel about the situation, and if he doesn't change get out of dodge. I know change is hard, but it has to happen if you want to see improvement. The longer you wait, the harder its going to be.