What tips and advice would you give to someone who is shy and not very confident when it comes to all matters to do with sex. Its like its all up in my head but I have lived a very sheltered life and find it hard to talk about 'it'. I'm better then I used to be but sometimes I just clam up.
The other week for example this guy who was so drunk just started chatting to me an my friend and wasn't particularly nice. I just felt so uncomfortable and he kept invading my personal space. However, about a week before that another guy was talking to me and I was perfectly fine with it and even flirted with him.
Its not the first time I've shut down like that either :/ Is it just the situation or the fact I'm inexperienced etc.
Love to know your thoughts and help please. Sometimes I get so fed up of being alone I cry myself to sleep. Other times when I hear about all the trouble my friends have with men I'm grateful.
Could it be I the fact I never really let the inner me out for fear of what my friends would think??
It's not shyness when you don't want to talk to a drunk guy who isn't being nice. It's being discretionary with whom you're comfortable.
It's not a shyness thing. I'm a friendly, chatty person. If someone invades my personal space and makes me feel uncomfortable I become all but monosyllabic.
When you meet someone who's worth getting to know, like the guy from the week before, you'll feel more comfortable with them and you'll talk more. Which you did.
When you do find someone and start a relationship, when it comes to the sex they should make you feel comfortable to be around them, naked in front of them and to be able to talk about what you enjoy and don't enjoy, as well as fantasies. That doesn't happen straight away but it will come in time.
As for not feeling comfortable to be yourself in front of your friends, you should be able to be yourself around them. Is it because you feel they won't accept you or because you have confidence issues? If they can't accept you for who you are then are they really friends?
have to agree with the above..drunk guys who get too close are seriously icky..so maybe you are just a good judge of character...the right guy..the right moment will come along..until then..take your shyess as your guy radar....weaning out the losers in life.
This might sound like over-kill, but why not take a karate course? It's great exercise, builds self-confidence, comes in handy for self-defense [like from drunk jerks] and you will get to talk to some new people.
the drunk guy is an ass . i'll chat about any thing if it turns to sex great if not great too long as you enjoy your self. when you find that some one you can talk to ask the to help you to start talking about sex at your pace
Thanks for the replies everyone and advise.
I think its a confidence not being myself around some of my friends - there is one who I can be. I've always been a bit of recluse almost when it came to going out with work etc as afraid (and still feel like it at times) that everyone is pointing and talking about me due to my size.
I guess I'm shy around memebrs of the opposite sex too which doesn't help.
Drunk guy was a definite ughh where as the other guy was 10 years younger lol, he had been drinking too but he was sweet, although I did spend all the next day doing numbers in my head like was it a joke with his mates to chat up the fat chick, did they take pics of it and are laughing at me etc.
If your having trouble being shy find someone or a group your comfortable being around. When your ready to try and take it to the next level, start by dressing in cute cloths and if you see there noticing you try flirting to break the ice. Be cautious it can go either way.
It's totally okay to be shy around drunk guys. Don't worry about them the day after, though; it's just as likely that they now regret how they were acting the night before.
i think you are on the perfect site to ask without embarrasement,and to be able try those awkward quesstions on the forum
I have to ask a couple of questions here that you don't need to answer, but think about anyway.
Are you just shy discussing sex or talking to guys in general?
Do you have the same issues talking about sex to female friends?
How "experienced" are you?
If you are rather inexperienced sexually, that could be a big part of your issues. You mentioned being a "fat chick". Could it be that you feel that by discussing sex with guys, they might think you were desperate for sex or perhaps slutty? Or it could just be that the subject has come up in less than optimal situations (i.e. in bars with a bunch of drunk guys around). In a more private social situation, with just closer friends around, it may be easier. you may need to start expanding your comfort zone some. practice a few dirty jokes or sexual innuendos you can use to kind of break the ice.
I understand this in that, while experienced in sex with men, I have no experience with women. After having recently discovering an attraction towards them, I find that I am still a bit shy discussing it with other women at first. Putting myself into situations where I know it will come up and I will have to discuss is helping to expand my comfort zone. Talking to people here on Lush provides enough anonymity to make it comfortable to talk about openly.
