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My army man

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Curvyanddirty
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My best friend just came back from army basic training and he wants to start a friends with benefits relationship with me. I like him a lot and I trust him with my life but I'm nervous because I like him and want an actual relationship. Also don't want to loose his friendship. Any ideas or suggestions?
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Wilful
Devil's Advocate
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Ahh...if he's your friend, then tell him how you feel. Be honest.

If he actually knows what's going on, he then has the opportunity to be honest with how he feels and what he wants, and he can stop playing games. He's your best friend, he obviously likes you. He wants benefits, he clearly finds you attractive. His suggestion might just be a dumbass way for him to protect himself if you reject him - "Oh, that's cool, it was just an idea. No harm, no foul." Or he might just want to put away his best mate and not have to deal with any relationship nonsense.

If your friendship doesn't survive your honesty, then I'm afraid to say, he wasn't really your friend to begin with.

Good luck
My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill.
dpw
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Quote by Curvyanddirty
My best friend just came back from army basic training and he wants to start a friends with benefits relationship with me. I like him a lot and I trust him with my life but I'm nervous because I like him and want an actual relationship. Also don't want to loose his friendship. Any ideas or suggestions?

Well I sort of agree with Wilful but with maybe a different slant as it maybe about him being a soldier.
First off if you want more than to be a fwb you have to let him know you like him too much to be one. Some guys worry about the separation when they join up especially when deployed abroad, some think that girls won't want to know. Go out for a quiet drink, just the two of you and be honest with each other. That way it might be the start of a great romance if not it should not harm the friendship.
Guest
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I would suggest ignoring that he just got back from Basic Training. This IMO means nothing. Unfortunately many people (to include boys who just got through with Basic) think it DOES... but sorry, it does not.

So then take the situation on its face. If he tried this BEFORE he went to Basic, what would your answer and response have been? I have a feeling you would have simply told him no, and that you were interested in a RELATIONSHIP and not just SEX when he wanted to scratch that itch.. or to boost his ego.

I am personally opposed to FWB situations anyways. They almost always lead to unpleasant things and friendships ruined. Now I am sure some will jump on and claim THEY had them and everything was great and fine, or they KNOW of someone who did and it was great; but the truth is that these are the minority of situations, not the norm. On the other hand FUCK BUDDIES seem to work our much better because there is no real emotional or "friendship" ties to the situation. It is pure sex for the purpose of sex alone and once done lives continue without interaction on a private level until the next time the parties want to fuck.

So I would advise going with your first instinct, which seems to be that you are not interested in a FWB situation. If he is TRULY a friend, he will understand, and that will be that. Good luck.
dpw
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Quote by JohnC
I would suggest ignoring that he just got back from Basic Training. This IMO means nothing. Unfortunately many people (to include boys who just got through with Basic) think it DOES... but sorry, it does not.

So then take the situation on its face. If he tried this BEFORE he went to Basic, what would your answer and response have been? I have a feeling you would have simply told him no, and that you were interested in a RELATIONSHIP and not just SEX when he wanted to scratch that itch.. or to boost his ego.

I am personally opposed to FWB situations anyways. They almost always lead to unpleasant things and friendships ruined. Now I am sure some will jump on and claim THEY had them and everything was great and fine, or they KNOW of someone who did and it was great; but the truth is that these are the minority of situations, not the norm. On the other hand FUCK BUDDIES seem to work our much better because there is no real emotional or "friendship" ties to the situation. It is pure sex for the purpose of sex alone and once done lives continue without interaction on a private level until the next time the parties want to fuck.

So I would advise going with your first instinct, which seems to be that you are not interested in a FWB situation. If he is TRULY a friend, he will understand, and that will be that. Good luck.

I was just suggesting that might be what was going through his mind.. I have known some fwb and none developed into a romance but many did end badly when one of them became involved but the other didn't.
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Quote by dpw

I was just suggesting that might be what was going through his mind.. I have known some fwb and none developed into a romance but many did end badly when one of them became involved but the other didn't.

No worries. My post was not in response to yours. I would have posted the exact same thing whether you posted or not.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
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It's not gonna end well. If a guy is gone for any period of time and comes back to you and says, "Hey...let's fuck on a regular basis, nothing more," then that should pretty much tell you where you stand.

Don't trick yourself into thinking that it will develop into something more over time...because it won't. Going into this with the feelings that you have isn't the smartest thing in the world.

You should tell him about your feelings, though. At any rate, he's already willing to put your friendship on the line by turning it into a friends with benefits thing, so there's not much to lose. So tell him about the feelings you have for him and see if he's into something more.

If you're thinking of doing the friends with benefits thing in hopes of something more, he at least has the right to know what he's getting himself into.

Best of luck!

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Olivia
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Quote by Curvyanddirty
My best friend just came back from army basic training and he wants to start a friends with benefits relationship with me. I like him a lot and I trust him with my life but I'm nervous because I like him and want an actual relationship. Also don't want to loose his friendship. Any ideas or suggestions?


I was put onto this earth to make clear that which is murky, so let's go about doing that now, shall we?

Fact 1: It wouldn't matter if he just came back from basic training or the loo. His recent whereabouts are of no consequence. If G.I. Joe wants to say that the army is hard and therefore he needs drama-free no-strings sex to lighten his stress load, then he is a bullshitter, an emotional con-artist. Walk swiftly away if this is the card being played, or even being implied.

Fact 2: He wants between your legs without letting you into his heart. Assuming you want the same, this is possibly serendipitous. However, you don't want the same, and this makes him selfish.

Fact 3: If he cannot handle the fact that you don't want this cockamamie arrangement whereby he gets to fuck you and you don't get requited love, then he is sadly not the person you aspired to fall in love with.

Armed with those three facts, your mission with your army man is clear: tell him how you feel, and let his answers reveal everything you need to know about him from that moment forward.

Good luck!