"I fell in love with this guy (he is also in love with me) and it was going great. We have a lot in common, and for once I felt like everything was going in the right direction. I was happy and always smiling (which is actually something I rarely do). But a little while ago, an unexpected roadblock, a very big brick wall smacked me in the face (not literally of course), he is still married (he told me he was divorced, i actually found out that he was married by his wife) Long story short, the father in law called me and sounded like he was blaming it on me. After awhile, the guy started talking to me again and explained everything (complicated marriage that he has been trying to get out of since even before I started talking to him.) i'm still in love with the guy (he still loves me), yet i'm still hurt. And i'm slightly worried because the father in law has my number, and next week the guy is leaving and moving back to his home state away from his wife so he can finally get his divorced. (i'm worried that the father in law will keep calling me asking where he is.) So do you think I should stay in this and maybe change my cellphone number or, or should I just give up?"
The first issue in this situation is that this man deceived and lied to you about something extremely important. Given this kind of blatant and ongoing deception, this has to force you to question if the other things he has told you are true either. I might have given him a little more leeway if he had been separated at the time instead of totally divorced but clearly living in separate places from his wife and living mostly separate lives aside from the legal delays of an actual divorce. In this case it sounds like he was in the midst of playing both you and the wife at the same time. Otherwise the 'father in law' wouldn't have gotten involved and the wife wouldn't be having a meltdown.
Don't take the idea that he is finally moving back to his homestate and actively dissolving the marriage as a signal that it's because of his overwhelming desire to be with you. It's quite likely that after the wife and her family found out, they kicked his ass out of the house and he fled because he didn't really have a choice either way. If he had known right from the start that he wanted to be only with you then he wouldn't have played both sides of the fence for as long as he did. The fact that it was his wife that found out on her own and then chose to inform you of the situation speaks volumes.
Now it would be wrong of me to prejudge a situation based only on my superficial knowledge of it. There have been cases in the past where the 'other woman' gets her man in the end and gets the coveted title of wife #2. He may very well pursue this divorce properly and decide that you're the one he wants to start a new life with.
But...
Tread lightly, please. This situation is filled with potential landmines and emotional-bombs.
This guy will be going through a lot at the moment and probably has his plate filled while trying to start a new life and then dealing with legal disasters and a furious ex-inlaw family. It will be easy for him to want to cling to you initially as a safe supportive oasis that can offer him the relationship-style support he's obviously used to. Once the smoke clears however and he is totally single, he might not be in the same headspace. He might start wondering how serious he wants to get about a new relationship or he might decide that marriage is a trainwreck he never wants to get on board with again.
I would advise you to take things slowly and back off for now. Let this guy get his shit in order, so to speak. It will also diffuse the jilted in-laws if you stay out of the picture and fade into the background for now. They will probably be watching you through gossipy social circles, checking your facebook and whatever online information there is about you. You would be smart to avoid associating with him publicly. Don't forget that during this divorce, proving that there was infidelity will better their case and you're about to become the pawn in that scenario. Take a step back, do your own thing, and if after this guy settles into his new single life, you both decide that you want to try a real relationship, then I think it's marginally reasonable to consider it.
I won't get into all the red-flags and warning signs about starting a relationship with a proven cheater and liar, because Olivia assumes you already know about all those things already.
Still, love is strange, and you have to follow what you think is best for you. Just be cautious and think with your head before giving away your heart for good.
