So I recently had a posting (can be located in Relationship Help) asking for help with my BF. He had changed his passwords and was acting very odd. To all of those who read and commented on that post...... I WAS RIGHT!!!!
He had been watching porn, going on dating sites, and even posting on CL for another man to suck him off...... I have not been able to trust him for sometime now and this only makes it worse. I have had very recent talks with him about him needing to prove himself to me again; which he has promised to do. However, there has been almost no improvement (sure he is more 'lovey dovey' but that does nothing for earning trust). He still refuses to share his passwords with me and avoids the topic at all cost, even knowing how hurt I still am. We have been together for over two years but I dont think he is really trying for me.... I catch him oogling other women regularly (anytime we are out in public).
Guys, can you please help a heartbroken girl? I need some insight as to why he doesnt seem like he cares about my pain or that he is facing losing me.....
You probably aren't going to like this answer.. But get some self respect and leave him. Any woman in any relationship should be treated like a queen. Nothing less. Your relationship will not survive this. You don't trust him and constantly needing to check his phone or email may make you feel better, but its going to make him resent you. If you want to be with him ( which I think you are crazy for), you need to accept his behavior.. You can't change someone.. Now, if you are hell bent on staying in this relationship... Why not explore his fantasies with him... Bring a man into your relationship for him to feel that.. Now mind you, when exploring this type of "open" relationship, trust is a key factor and you are already lacking that...
You need to find a man that loves and respects you. End of story.
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner
Actually - first I have to say - I don't think anyone should need to give their S.O. their passwords for anything. It's supposed to be a relationship between two independent people who still reserve the right to some individual privacy. If you don't trust the person enough to allow this, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
To be honest - this sounds like a dying relationship on the downswing. He's not putting any effort in because he knows you aren't going anywhere and he can maintain the status quo while looking for other opportunities in the meantime. It might be that he's checking out options before breaking things off. A lot of people do this and it's especially easy when they know they have a patient partner that will insist on 'fighting' for the relationship at all costs. I would expect the "we need to take a break to figure things out" to be coming at some point within the next couple of months, followed by the official and formal breakup shortly thereafter.
Hate to be such a downer, but I have to call it like it is. Bottom line is that you've basically caught him cheating on you (profiles on dating sites, CL listings for gay hook ups) and your response has been that he needs to prove himself to you more and he still seems to be dragging his feet and not that interested in saving the relationship or making you feel better about it. When someone gets caught and they're genuinely remorseful about it and wanting things to work out, they will put in the effort without you needing to ask or needle him about it.
I would suggest that you initiate the breakup. It either functions as a wake-up call and you get the relationship back on track or it saves you several more months of getting jerked around emotionally before things finally blow up and/or end.
Personally - I would dump him.
So , its been a couple of months since this post, and things may have changed, anyway....from what you're saying, you need to end this relationship. His behaviour tells me he's not as into you as you are into him. If you love someone and want to be with them, you dont do any of that stuff. Its really is that simple. Get rid, move on, find someone better.
