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Getting over a rough breakup

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abbynormal
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So, my boyfriend and I recently broke up after having been together for over a year and a half. He had cheated on me with a friend of mine, and had apparently been having an affair with her for quite some time. I've been having a lot of trouble getting over the breakup, and I haven't talked to my friend or my boyfriend since it happened.

Any tips for how to proceed?
Guest
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I actually just had a similar situation. Girlfriend and i of a year and a half just broke up. I don't know if she was cheating, but it was a very sudden lack of love and affection from her and a little while later she called me and broke up with me over the phone. It was rough.

It's definitely very hard to get over it, the best thing you can do in my opinion is keep busy. Find your friends, make new friends, go out and do fun things, keep active, find new hobbies. I've been going hiking and swimming alot, spending more time painting and playing music, just anything to keep my mind off things. It's best not to have any contact with your ex, just move on and keep moving.

It'll take some time, but it will get easier and you'll be happy. Hope that helps a little smile
MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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Can't say I've have those kind of breakups at all.

That said, your BF cheated on you and someone you had considered a friend, was the other woman.

I'd say just cut tail with both relationships and try to forget and move on. I personally have zero tolerance for cheaters, even worse the ones you consider a friend cheating on you with your SO. They clearly don't give a shit about your friendship.

Better to just move on.
BelleduJour
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Quote by Echelon91
I actually just had a similar situation. Girlfriend and i of a year and a half just broke up. I don't know if she was cheating, but it was a very sudden lack of love and affection from her and a little while later she called me and broke up with me over the phone. It was rough.

It's definitely very hard to get over it, the best thing you can do in my opinion is keep busy. Find your friends, make new friends, go out and do fun things, keep active, find new hobbies. I've been going hiking and swimming alot, spending more time painting and playing music, just anything to keep my mind off things. It's best not to have any contact with your ex, just move on and keep moving.

It'll take some time, but it will get easier and you'll be happy. Hope that helps a little smile


Excellent advice! Keeping busy is indeed the key as is not having any kind of contact with your ex or shitty friend. I would also like to say that when a break-up is one sided especially and somewhat unexpected, there is a grieving process that needs to take place. If you had any kind of feelings for him, it will hurt like a son-of-a-bitch and that's okay! Give yourself permission to feel the pain and let it take whatever form it needs to help you get through it BUT then be done with it - pick yourself up and MOVE ON. That's when friends and family and activities are SO important to help distract you, comfort you and show you that there is life (and a better one) long after your ex is out of the picture. Trust me.

You might also try to see the lesson in all of this. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and people come in and out of our lives for a reason as well. Not all of them are good experiences but they're there to help teach us something about ourselves and/or about what we want in our next relationship or next partner. Hopefully it makes us better people in the long term - at least it has for me. The key is to try NOT to let this experience harden you. That would be such a shame. Good luck x
Guest
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Get busy, find other sources of happiness, do what you love. Hugs!
dpw
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Quote by abbynormal
So, my boyfriend and I recently broke up after having been together for over a year and a half. He had cheated on me with a friend of mine, and had apparently been having an affair with her for quite some time. I've been having a lot of trouble getting over the breakup, and I haven't talked to my friend or my boyfriend since it happened.

Any tips for how to proceed?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you don't get over a bad breakup you have to get through it. Friends help a lot, so does keeping busy but this won't get you through it, you have to face it full on. You have to admit to yourself that it wasn't meant to be. He cheated on you and it's very likely he's going to cheat on her. You'll meet someone that wants just you, it wasn't him, he'd always be looking for his "right" person. Also take a bit of time to spoil yourself, that'll make you feel better about yourself, you know you're worth it.
Bothsidesnow
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My advice would be to buy a strap on, then do him up the chuff with it until he apologizes. I hope that my advice is of some help to you
Tinastits2
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Three years ago I went through almost exactly the same type of break-up, we had been together for 13 years. Like you my ex was having an affair with a close friend.
All the previous replies are bang on the money, and in the last 3 years, i've felt all of those emotions and more. I've even wanted to shove a 10" strap-on up his ass (and things much worse) so even that one has merit.

What I have found out, through caring family and friends, and even some counciling, is that every relationship is different (which everybody knows) so is everyones break-up, so take on board every bit of advice you recieve, but don't expect it to be the universal panacea that will stop the pain, because it won't, you are the only one who can put this behind you.

What posters have said is correct in that try not to have any contact with your ex, yes you may want to call him (even if it's to give him abuse) and he may well contact you? If you definately don't want him back don't communicate it's as simple as that, it just prolongs the pain and will always leave you worse off.
yes it hurts, pain like no other, but you need to go through that to get to the other side, it's an over used cliche but time does heal, believe me.

You may well spend hours thinking about "what did I do wrong" and many will say "Don't beat yourself up, he/she was solely to blame" in my opinion forget what people say, in fact the more they say it, the harder it gets. You will always think "what could I have done better" the answer is that there will be some things you could have done better or differently, ananlysing is human nature, the art is not to dwell on those things to long. I know I made mistakes in my relationship, did they cause him to stray? I don't know is the truth, but the truth is it's over and moving on is more important for you.

Try not to feel too sorry for yourself, I know thats easier said than done, but it really is counter productive, shout to yourself "I'm better than those two bastards" i'm worth ten times more than them, because you are.

You will move on, you will find a peace in your own way, concertrate your time and energy's on family and friends, do the hobby you've always wanted to do, burning energy on sport or the gym is very good, it takes away thinking time and makes you tired at the same time, tired = better sleep.
Don't be too quick to get back in the saddle, date yes, relationship no. have fun & regain your confidence first.

My heart goes out to you and i'm sure by now you've started to get better. If you ever want to contact me, mail me here, you can't have too many friends.
Tina
x
MysticalWanderer
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Be with your friends, and if doesn't help you ... just keep yourself busy, do something ...
Guest
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All advise previously is good.

Don't be down on yourself. He is the one without morals so in fact he has done u a favour even though u r hurting.

Being of the older generation I have found that when one door closes a new one opens and in most cases it turns out for the better. Keep ur spirits high and look 4 the good that surrounds you.

You now have more time to spend with friends and loved ones.qkzZftZfFBqbhOBn
Buz
The Linebacker
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While I've had some rough break-ups, I never had that scenario. Still, you have to move on and realize that not all people can be trusted. What they did is on them, not you. What happened was unavoidable because of his character. There are plenty of good ones out there, so continue your life as you want and keep an eye out for the good ones. Don't linger on the past.
Guest
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The best thing is to keep busy and move on. Give yourself time to heal.
Guest
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Quote by BelleduJour


You might also try to see the lesson in all of this. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and people come in and out of our lives for a reason as well. Not all of them are good experiences but they're there to help teach us something about ourselves and/or about what we want in our next relationship or next partner. Hopefully it makes us better people in the long term - at least it has for me. The key is to try NOT to let this experience harden you. That would be such a shame. Good luck x


I'm still going through a 5 year breakup and it's been hell because I've got kids involved.

What BelleduJour said is excellent advise and as Friedrich Nietzsche said, "What does not kill me, makes me stronger."


Elisabeth Kübler Ross found that in regards to death - and what you've experienced is a death of trusted relationships that we all go though 5 stages. The faster you move through them the quicker you heal.


1 - Denial: You refuse to accept the reality of what's happened. Perfectly natural just don't get locked in to this or ignore what has happened.

2 - Anger: Emotionally you'll get upset with yourself/others and may even take it out on those that do love you.

3 - Bargaining: With the person who harmed you, or with God, or wanting to compromise - "Can we still be friends", "What did I do wrong, please tell me."

4 - Depression: This is where you get all the regrets, fears, etc. Now you're accepting it's really happened.

5 - Acceptance: It's set in it happened and now it's time to move on. You may not be totally over it, but you are moving on.