Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox

29 May 2014

I get lots of messages in my inbox from those of you who are a little shy about posting in public.

I thought it'd be more helpful to post the questions and maybe even follow-up questions in here along with the answers, where they can benefit a wider range of people. I will always do so anonymously.

Yours truly,
~Olivia

P.S. If you don't see your question here, don't panic. I'm not ignoring you, it may just have been similar to other questions or I just haven't gotten to it yet.

29 May 2014

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. Ive npticed that sometimes when we're out I catch him looking at other girls. It usually doesnt bother me, except when he looks at girls who dress more revealing things. i dress normal and I save the sexier stuff for him and sometimes when we go out. Does this meanhe wants me to dress sexier all the time?

Hello!

Your boyfriend, like all mankind, is human. That being said, our eyes are naturally drawn to things or people that are appealing. When you say you dress normal, I take it to mean modest. If he wanted the scantier clad girl, that's who he'd be with, to put it bluntly.

As long as he's not openly leering or being lewd or crude and making comparisons, then simply having himself a look is harmless. Attractive people are all around us, and our eyes are naturally drawn to them, no matter how they're dressed.

I do not think his looking at females who are dressed sexier is of any consequence to you or your relationship. Do what makes you comfortable. To be honest, he might appreciate the fact that you save the sexy for him. And on the occasions where you do decide to dress sexier when you go out, he'll appreciate having the hot girl that guys keep stealing glances at as well.

I wish you all the best!

~Yours truly

29 May 2014

Quote by Olivia

Your boyfriend, like all mankind, is human. That being said, our eyes are naturally drawn to things or people that are appealing. When you say you dress normal, I take it to mean modest. If he wanted the scantier clad girl, that's who he'd be with, to put it bluntly.

As long as he's not openly leering or being lewd or crude and making comparisons, then simply having himself a look is harmless. Attractive people are all around us, and our eyes are naturally drawn to them, no matter how they're dressed.

I do not think his looking at females who are dressed sexier is of any consequence to you or your relationship. Do what makes you comfortable. To be honest, he might appreciate the fact that you save the sexy for him. And on the occasions where you do decide to dress sexier when you go out, he'll appreciate having the hot girl that guys keep stealing glances at as well.

To the person who asked the question: When you are out with him and you see a hot guy walk by, do you look? Like Olivia said, looking at someone we find attractive is very natural. As long as he isn't leering or making comments like "My God is she hot" or "Why can't you look like that" then I think there is no harm to it.

And like Olivia said, He is with you by choice. That says a lot!

31 May 2014

I recently had a baby. I've managed to lose most of the baby weight, but the stretch marks are still there. I have creams that help them fade but they take a few months to have any real affect. They're really embarrassing and make me very self conscious to the point where I don't even want my husband to see me naked. The few times we do have sex is with the lights off. I can tell it hurts my husband especially since he things its not that big of a deal but these stretch marks just make me feel so unsexy. Im sure I'll get over it, but for right now I just want to get him to understand that its not him.

Hi!

We all have those things that we feel self conscious about that may seem like it's not that big of a deal to other people. Some of these things don't even make sense to others, but they jump out us and make us feel like a spotlight is on them. I'm sure this is the case with your husband.

It's a good thing you've expressed your insecurity to him, as many people keep their insecurities to themselves, which further confuses and alienates their significant other. So you're definitely headed in the right direction. However, although he probably already knows the basis of your insecurity, constantly rebuffing him can't be good for his ego or self esteem. From his point of view, he's just a man that wants to make love to his wife and mother of his child (or children), and she doesn't want to. If he says the stretch marks don't bother him, he means it.

Changes to our bodies can sometimes come with huge blows to our self confidence, but having a significant other to help through those changes can go a long way. If you haven't already, go into detail pertaining to why the stretch marks make you feel the way they do. Not just that they make you feel unappealing, but why. It'll help you both understand better, and it will make him get more proactive about helping you through it, which will in turn make him feel wanted and needed. That's really important.

I'm sure he knows it's something you're sensitive about, and I'm not assuming his mind, but I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know how to broach the subject with you. Maybe he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing. It may seem a little uncomfortable at first, but the more you discuss it and have it out in the open, the less insecure you tend to feel about it. And in time, it won't be a bother.

I understand that it's hard to get over or even talk about the things that make us insecure, but communication is key. And I'm not saying pretend your stretch marks aren't there, but accept that they're there for the time being. The worst thing you could do is shut him out, so let him help you through it. This will help him understand even better.

I do wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

7 Jun 2014

My girl won't have sex with me when it's "her time of the month." I've been with other girls who didnt mind. Some of them get super horny during that time but my girl just doesn't seem to be into it. I thought maybe she was shy about it and I told her it was no big deal but she won't do it.

Hey!

I'm assuming you're asking me how to get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she's on her period, so I'll answer accordingly.

Yes, it's true that some women get ridiculously horny during their time of the month, and having sex during that time comes with a lot of perks as well (cramp relief, for one). However, not all women are the same and some just prefer to be left alone during that time. It's no slight to you. Women go through very different things down there during their time of the month. If she says she's not into period sex, take her word for it. If she could be persuaded otherwise, she would have been by now. Period sex is one of those do or don't things. There's no in between.

Besides, it's only a few days. Use it as bonding time. Pamper her. It may get you some serious brownie points you can use to your advantage when it's not her time of the month, and it may get you a hand and/or blow job. Everybody wins.

If you're one of those guys that really have a thing for having sex with a woman during her period, then I understand this will be a tough time for you. But pressure often leads to alienation. If you're one of those guys that doesn't care either way and just wants to have sex period or no period, then just wait those few days out. You're not gonna have good sex with a woman who's uncomfortable.

Also, I hope you haven't mentioned to her that other women in the past have been more than willing to have sex with you during their time of the month. That won't go over well at all at ANY time of the month.

I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

8 Jun 2014

Quote by Olivia

Hey!

I'm assuming you're asking me how to get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she's on her period, so I'll answer accordingly.

Yes, it's true that some women get ridiculously horny during their time of the month, and having sex during that time comes with a lot of perks as well (cramp relief, for one). However, not all women are the same and some just prefer to be left alone during that time. It's no slight to you. Women go through very different things down there during their time of the month. If she says she's not into period sex, take her word for it. If she could be persuaded otherwise, she would have been by now. Period sex is one of those do or don't things. There's no in between.

Besides, it's only a few days. Use it as bonding time. Pamper her. It may get you some serious brownie points you can use to your advantage when it's not her time of the month, and it may get you a hand and/or blow job. Everybody wins.

If you're one of those guys that really have a thing for having sex with a woman during her period, then I understand this will be a tough time for you. But pressure often leads to alienation. If you're one of those guys that doesn't care either way and just wants to have sex period or no period, then just wait those few days out. You're not gonna have good sex with a woman who's uncomfortable.

Also, I hope you haven't mentioned to her that other women in the past have been more than willing to have sex with you during their time of the month. That won't go over well at all at ANY time of the month.

Thanks Olivia ...
even tho I am a man i appreciate your answer .... so so common sense ...particularly the last bit of advice ....any way I digress ... I love the way you explain the differences between women ... and their psychological make up ... one has to be crassly thick as two short planks to ignore such signs... Iam unhappily celibate and unhappily single but i do feel sorry for women who are lumbered with insensitive stupid MCPs for a partner BF/lover/husband ... any way you are very good in your pronouncements/advice...Please accept my complements

8 Jun 2014

Quote by psychiee

Thanks Olivia ...
even tho I am a man i appreciate your answer .... so so common sense ...particularly the last bit of advice ....any way I digress ... I love the way you explain the differences between women ... and their psychological make up ... one has to be crassly thick as two short planks to ignore such signs... Iam unhappily celibate and unhappily single but i do feel sorry for women who are lumbered with insensitive stupid MCPs for a partner BF/lover/husband ... any way you are very good in your pronouncements/advice...Please accept my complements

Thank you for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated!

8 Jun 2014

I am in an online relationship with someone I love dearly. Our intimacy is compelled within the walls of and it was amazing until lately.

Lately, I discovered and started to masturbate without him. I am thinking of him while doing it alone. It was hot - really hot. I felt I am cheating my partner though I am thinking of him and his cock in my pussy and when we are together online I am not sexually inclined. I fear to loose him. I have not confessed this to him. I dread to. He already told me not to masturbate on my own.

You see I am working at night. When he is not online I need to sexually relieve myself so I can sleep during the day. Once he comes online. I tease him, make him hard to the brink of frustration only to let him down.

He's been very understanding but since I almost regularly masturbate on my own without him I find it is now affecting our online intimacy.

Help me please before it ruins my relationship with him.

Hi!

Both of you need to mutually agree and come to an understanding of what is and isn't considered cheating. Unless you guys are involved in some level of a BDSM relationship where this has already been a rule set out that you have to obey, then I personally don't see anything wrong with you masturbating without his involvement...especially when it's him you're thinking of when you're doing it.

You should tell him though. Secrets are the quickest way to ruin a relationship. I think you need to explain to him just as you've explained to me that you have needs that he can't always be there to handle due to the online limitations of your relationship as well as timing. If it's something he just refuses to understand and allow, then that speaks of deeper issues in your relationship than you simply masturbating without him.

And I understand that masturbating without him prevents you from being able to "perform" when he's around due to the fact that have already done so without him. Have you considered other methods of sleeping so you can save the intimacy for him? Or if you're having multiple orgasms, limiting the number so you can save something for when you're actually with him?

Another thing to consider is whether or not you prefer to masturbate alone, or if you do it for the convenience. Then go from there.

My gut tells me that there's some underlying issue that keeps you from being satisfied when you're with him that has you to the point where masturbating alone is preferred to mutually masturbating with your guy. It could be frustration and the long distance thing taking a toll on you. As I said, just get everything out in the open with your guy and go from there.

I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

13 Jun 2014

I'll start by saying I was going to post this in the BDSM section but the last time I posted in their I got so many messages from people offering to guide me or train me. I'll try it this way now instead and hopefully you can help. I'm sorry if this is an overstep and this isnt the kind of advice you give.

Here goes.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. For the past year and a half Ive been really looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I've been reserching and I've read a few other online forums. I've been reading the BDSM forum here and some of it has been really interesting. I really want my husband to dominate me. I dont want anything too intense and im fairly certain I don't want to do it as a lifestyle. My husband doesnt know much about my research and I don't quit know how to bring it up to him. We have good sex and have done some roleplaying not related to BDSM, and I don't wanna freak him out. How do I tell him I want him to dominate me? I don't wanna scare him.

Hello!

I'm happy to tackle any type of question. Now let's dive in!

Short Answer: Just tell him.

Elaboration: It sounds like you've been doing extensive research. That's great! The only drawback is that you say your husband doesn't know much about your research. So at this stage you know more than him. The only advantage in that regard is that you'll be able to guide him because you probably know exactly what you want at this point. This is good because a number of people enter the world of BDSM with no clue what they want, which often leads to them being 50 Shades of Fucked Up. However, doing research on your own will have some drawbacks. Your understanding goes far deeper than his, which can present a number of challenges down the line being that he's the one taking on the more dominant role. Sometimes you guys won't always be on the same page, and I'm sure it's gonna get pretty frustrating (understatement). OK, I'm done being a downer.

I have to say that I find it interesting and admirable that you've researched so extensively even though you're not interested in BDSM as a lifestyle. I'm sure your research brought you to that conclusion, which is why it's always great to research before just diving in. Now I'll reiterate my short answer: Just tell him. Go into detail. Tell him exactly what you want. Ask him how he feels about it. You need to find out first and foremost if he's interested in taking on this role, and then go from there. Also, it's important to discuss his specific wants and needs as well. You've already stated that you guys do some role playing. So treat it as another fantasy you're acting out, which it is. If he's interested, ease him into the dominant role. You can do this without doing anything involving straight up BDSM. Use some of your other role playing scenarios and really play up to his dominance. For example, if you're doing cop/criminal, then play up the fact that he's in charge and in control. The same can go for doctor/nurse, secretary/CEO, etc. You may find out he's a natural, and it's an excellent segue into what you really want.

Broaching the subject is just the tip of the iceberg. It's really important to take things slow. Go at a pace that's comfortable for the both of you. Keep in mind that you've been researching this for over a year, and he hasn't. It's definitely gonna take patience and plenty of communication. If you're into using certain tools and implements, make sure he's comfortable using these things as well. You've been married for four years, so the trust has already been established and that will be your foundation. The rest will build on top of that. Your sex life is something that constantly evolves, so let things happen naturally and in their own time.

I wish you both all the best!

~Yours truly

17 Jun 2014

I met a girl here and we really hit it off. But we live pretty far away and she told me shes not into the whole online or long distance thing. How do I get her to give us a shot?

Hey!

First of all, you need to find out for sure whether or not she feels the same way about you as you feel about her. Find out if she also feels as if you guys hit it off. People set boundaries for a reason. If she's not into online/long distance relationships, there's not much you can do to change that. I'm also sure she has her reasons for not being into it. I'm sure it's frustrating because you seem to like her a lot, and if she does in fact share the feelings it probably further complicates the situation and makes it all the more confusing.

Even if it appears that she returns your feelings, there's only so much she's willing to offer. So it's really not a matter of getting her to give you guys a shot, but a matter of whether or not you're willing to accept what she's offering. If you're not willing to accept things as they are, then it's best to cut your losses or risk virtually friend zoning yourself. She may come around, and she may not. But there are no assurances either way.

Although it's always best to be up front about things, try pulling back a little and see if she gives chase. Or you can ask her right out if she thinks you guys are worth the risk of trying an online/long distance relationship. Accept the answer for what it is and go from there.

I wish you all the best!

~Yours truly

21 Jun 2014

I'm in a very complicated situation. My best friend and I have known each other since we were in diapers. Our families are very close and we grew up together.

I started dating his sister a year ago. It was no issue and he and his family was cool and supportive of it, so theres no problem there. The problem is that she's a total brat. She's immature and she literally whines when things don't go her way. She's the youngest and only girl, so I'm sure that contributes to how spoiled she is. My best friend and her dad are protective and they dote on her but I can't take it anymore. She's just not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. Things started out so good but I think she was looking for a guy that spoiles her like her family does, but I'm not that guy. Yes I love doing nice things for my girl and making her happy and everything, but we're in a relationship. I'm not raising a kid, and that's what the past few months of being in a relationship with her has been like. There is zero fulfillment for me and the only reason I stuck it out this long is because of my relationship with her family. She's caused lots of strain between her family and I, especially with my friendship with her brother. Whenever there's a conflict she goes to them and twists things around and makes me out to be the asshole.

I want to end things with her in a way that won't ruin my relationship with my best friend and his family. Help?

Hi!

That's some tough shit you're dealing with there. I've known the sweet little sister/daddy's little girl types. And I also know that lots of them can be full of shit.

Here's what you do: As a preemptive strike, go to them first and tell them that you're going to end things. Tell them things aren't working out with you and the aforementioned girlfriend and why. If you've grown up with this family, then they know you and what kind of person you are. They also know her and what kind of person she is. Families can be blind to their own sometimes, but no one is that blind. So be as honest and sincere as possible, but do so without trashing her or disrespecting her because remember, they raised her, so trashing her would be a slight on them.

Doing all of this beforehand will give you the upper hand. When you end things with her and she goes crying to them in an attempt to twist things, they'll already have your side of the story. They'll have more to consider. Whether they still choose to side with her is on them, but you've known these people your whole life and that usually means something. It may be awkward at first, but your sanity is worth it. No one should be with someone out of obligation. Staying with her isn't helping anything and will most likely cause more strain down the line and may result in your relationship with them being unsalvageable.

As a grown man, do what you have to do. You're miserable and you don't have to be. Eventually the two of you will move on and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it'll be water under the bridge. Do everything in your power to try to make moving forward with them possible, and if she attempts to sabotage that, it'll be evident.

I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

2 Nov 2014

Sup Livvy? heres the thing.. Im very horny. I cam on here to meet people and everything and get into some trouble, but the gals here are so uptight. Its not like i approach them trying to fuck right away. Even saying hello gets me the cold shoulder. I don't mind getting to know a woman but i dont wanna be her man or nothing. I just wanna fool around and have some fun and maybe make a few friends along the way. some of the ladies here make that out to be a huge problem. I'm not rude or disrespectful. Just wanna have fun man. Most of the ladies ive run into in chat are looking for a dom or something or a relationship. Then there are the ones with no brains that just wanna get fucked by every guy in the room. Thats no fun either.

LOL. This is by far the most entertaining question I've ever had. "Sup Livvy?" is now an all-time favorite of mine. kekekegay

Lush is something different to everyone. There are women here looking for the same thing you are: Casual friendships/hookups. There are also women here who are strictly looking to be in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with either, as long as it's something that happens organically, as opposed to someone forcing the situation. I'll admit that I don't understand much about the Lush relationship dynamic in terms of people hooking up on here with the sole purpose of being in a relationship. I understand that it can happen from time to time. But there are those who, when a relationship ends, they're immediately looking for other potential candidates for a relationship. I find that bizarre both online and in real life. Let these things happen naturally. But I digress.

Are some women on Lush uptight? Absolutely. Are they all uptight? Absolutely not. I do know that lots of women are wary because of the constant barrage of undesirable attention, a great majority of it coming from men. I myself get tons of messages detailing what men want to do with me, and I scarcely interact on Lush beyond my little corner of the forum. When that's always happening, it's hard not to become jaded. I'm not saying the guys on Lush are terrible, but even the most innocent of correspondence can be misconstrued and taken too far. So just give us a chance to feel you out. If you're willing to put in just a bit more effort, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

There's absolutely no harm in cyber hookups, so you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that being what you want. It's all in the approach. I'm going to take your word for it when you say you're not rude or disrespectful in your approach. Continue down that path. It's also quite refreshing that you're up front about what you're after, instead of leading women on. That can go a long way. You say that you frequent the chat rooms. Have you ever considered broadening your horizons? Try the forums. The game-style threads are a great way to engage in an ongoing conversation. Lots of flirting takes place, which can lead to more if you play your cards right.

Overall, stay honest and up front, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. There's over a quarter of a million members here, so there's no need to get discouraged over the few that aren't biting.

Best of luck!

~Yours truly

9 Aug 2015

Hello Olivia

You've never met me before but hopefully you can help me.

I didn't know Lush was a dating site but when I joined I saw so many people getting in relationships and stuff. I thought it was kind of silly at first but then I met someone and I fell for him. The relationship is over, but now I'm dealing with the aftermath. Theres so much drama everywhere. We tried being friends but other women that like him can be so mean. I can't even post on his wall anymore and the forums get really boring with all the drama.

What should I do when I just want to be his friend and other women feel like they own him?

Hello!

Unfortunately you've stumbled onto the catty territory of Lush. Like any other online community, Lush isn't immune to drama and all the stuff you wish you could avoid. It really does suck when people turn your fun place into a Petri dish of negativity.

You can try laying low for a while. People who play those types of games usually have short attention spans and move on rather quickly, although you may occasionally come across the type that can't let go. You can also talk to your friend and let him know what's going on and see if he can or wants to try put a stop to it. You could also try reasoning with the women. Even better, try befriending them while secretly plotting your revenge. Kidding!

Seriously, just take the high road. Don't let them get under their skin. You've just as much a right to be here as they do, so protect your space. Seek out positive interactions and friendships to make your experience worthwhile.

I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

16 Aug 2015

How do I handle my girlfriend's counselor who's insisting she walk away from the relationship after 15 years simply because for medical and family reasons we haven't met face to face yet?

18 Aug 2015

Quote by chris_brown
How do I handle my girlfriend's counselor who's insisting she walk away from the relationship after 15 years simply because for medical and family reasons we haven't met face to face yet?

Hello Chris.

I take it your girlfriend's counselor is a trained professional, so I'm sure he or she has your girlfriend's best interests at heart.

What's best for the ones we love isn't always what we want, but it's what they need. Counseling sessions are private, and your girlfriend may have revealed things to her counselor that she may not have even revealed to you, which is why her counselor may have arrived at the conclusion that she break things off with you.

I'm sure your girlfriend's counselor isn't going around telling clients to break off relationships just because they can. There's going to be underlying reasons, to which both you and your girlfriend should give some thought.

Are you both benefiting mentally and emotionally from the relationship? Are you happier, better people as a result of this relationship?

I know it's a difficult thing to accept, but if it's what your girlfriend needs, then it's something you can at least consider, right?

In regards to you "handling" your girlfriend's counselor, I can't offer any advice in that area because I won't go against anyone's professional opinion without the proper authority to do so.

I do wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

18 Aug 2015

Dear Olivia,

I showed this girl on here pictures of my dick because she promised to show me a picture of her pussy. I took all the angles she requested and even some of me cumming. I asked her again about when she will send me her pussy pics but she always changes the subject. The other day she asked me for more dick pics and said she promised to send her pussy and even her asshole this time if I sent more. I don't know what to do. I mean I really want to see her pussy but I feel that after sending her about 20 dick pics without her sending 1 back that she is just lying again. How many dick pics do you think is normal before a pussy pic is sent in return?

Jack

18 Aug 2015

Quote by Magical_felix
Dear Olivia,

I showed this girl on here pictures of my dick because she promised to show me a picture of her pussy. I took all the angles she requested and even some of me cumming. I asked her again about when she will send me her pussy pics but she always changes the subject. The other day she asked me for more dick pics and said she promised to send her pussy and even her asshole this time if I sent more. I don't know what to do. I mean I really want to see her pussy but I feel that after sending her about 20 dick pics without her sending 1 back that she is just lying again. How many dick pics do you think is normal before a pussy pic is sent in return?

Jack

Hello Jack!

It can seem rather frustrating when we put ourselves out there for someone else and they don't seem to reciprocate. Perhaps you can consider pulling back a bit and slowing down on the intimate pictures, or "dick pics" as you so eloquently put it. Maybe then she'll be more forthcoming with her pictures.

Maybe she's a bit shy. Communication is key, so talk to her. There has to be a reason why she's hesitant to share intimate pictures with you.

Another option is to ask her to send you dick pics. It's only fair, right? Not to mention, it would put you guys on a more even keel.

In this case, the number of pictures doesn't matter as much as the trust involved with sharing such pictures.

As always, I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

21 Aug 2015

Quote by chris_brown
How do I handle my girlfriend's counselor who's insisting she walk away from the relationship after 15 years simply because for medical and family reasons we haven't met face to face yet?

Maybe her counsellor thought it was unhealthy for her to go batshit crazy and become threatening every time she discovered you were having other online relationships?

Just saying..............

" I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer"
Woody Allen

28 Aug 2015

how are you . hope your haveing great summer.. miss olivia your a very smart n beautifull looking woman.. i know you dont do private counseling. just wondering what you think on age difference.. also [personal information redacted].. miss olivia have great day . xoxoxxxx

Hello!

Thank you for the lovely compliments.

Age differences, eh? I don't feel strongly about age differences as long as it's a legal, happy, healthy, and consensual situation for everyone involved. As long as no one's being led on or taken advantage of, I say have fun!

~Yours truly

14 Sep 2015

Olivia,

I apologise in advance for the wordiness of this post; but I am confused and conflicted and well....it helps to "get it all down."

I posted a personal ad on a fetish site. A girl from London contacted me, said she was very interested in me and perhaps progressing things further; and even despite the fact she lived 500 miles away from, she regularly visited my city to see friends and family.

We chatted on the phone, seemed to hit it off. We texted and emailed everyday, and she said she was "enchanted with me" felt like "she was eating out the palm of my hand" and that she was very excited about meeting me.

Last Saturday she was hospitalised with complications associated with diabetes ketoacidosis, and as per the norm, we exchanged messages back and forth. She said how grateful she was that I kept her spirits up, and kept her happy and safe amidst all the ugly drama with her health.

I didnt hear from her for a week, and then got a email from her:

"Hi

I'm afraid I'm quite poorly at the moment. Wanted to let you know that I'm ok(ish) but that I'd rather not continue with our play as my heart just isn't in it.

Many thanks for the fun exchanges thus far. I wish you all the best,"

I was a bit taken aback at 1) how formal it was, and 2) how abrupt. So I replied:

"m so sorry your still not fully recovered, and hope that you make a full recovery.

Can I just check, your desire to continue with the play, is this due to your health? Or is there something else that means your heart is not in it? Will this likely to change in the future, or do you feel that this is likely to be permanent?

I respect your decision either way and really do hope you get better soon."

Her response was:

"I was transferred to high dependency on Sunday and have been in a semi coma..... Absolutely insane! I'm back on the normal ward now and therefore communicable.

I'm afraid I just can't focus on anything but my health at the moment and when I'm like this (glad to say it's not too often) I just need to channel all my energy into recovery and my family as this always affects them badly.

I hope you understand and I really have enjoyed chatting to you recently.

Hope you find a healthy spankee soon!"

I am a total loss. I respect the fact she has health problems. But what I am hurt by and angered with is the seemingly finality of it, that we've just to draw a line under things permanently. I'd have gladly waited till she had fully recovered, I valued her friendship more than the play aspect to be candid, and I just feel a little used. She's effectively made the choice for me, not allowing me an opportunity to actually even entertain the possibility of continuing, and it just seems so unfair for her to do this total about face in attitude and interest.

Hello!

I understand your heartbreak and confusion over the abrupt ending to your situation. That's something you can only come to terms with in due time.

In regards to the abrupt and formal ending of your association, there isn't much I can say that she hasn't said already.

People either go into despair or survival mode when their health takes a turn for the worst. Being that her particular health issues are recurring, she truly knows what's best for her in these circumstances. If she says that her health won't allow for anything else, believe her.

Perhaps she ended things this way to give you an opportunity to find someone who's more available and apt for the sort of play you seek instead of you being obligated to deal with her health issues.

To be frank, yes it sucks that she acted alone without even considering the fact that you'd be willing to work around her issues. But then again, she may not have been willing to continue with your association while dealing with her health complications. And while it does suck, it's something you've got to accept.

I do hope you find some sort of closure in the future, and as always, I wish you the best.

~Yours truly

29 Oct 2016

Hello Aunt Olivia! This forum is quite interesting. Could you please advice advise me on something?

I do get a lot of stress lately, and I don't know if it is the lack of intimacy. I feel so low and I always wanna hug someone. I hate my eyes, b'coz it's always looking for sex and I don't know how to control. I hate myself for this reason. I'm addicted to sex, but is it bad? How can I overcome my frustration?

Thanks in advance for your upcoming reply! xoxox

13 Jul 2017

Wondering if you could help me please. I would be so grateful. I have really good friend here who is female. She and I only been friends, nothing more. We never even flirt and if we talk about sex its only in funny way, not like serious because we have no interest in each other that way. We been very close for years. Over that time she has had many relationships both in real life and online. Right now she is in online relationship, and her partner is pressuring her to cut all ties with me. He and I were okay with each other before their relationship got serious, but now he and I have had words and I explain to him that I have no interest in her that way, but he doesn't seem to believe me, and was very rude about it. I wont give too much detail because i know you post this in the forum, but its just very uncomfortable situation and i just want my friend. I know you give advice on relationships, and friendship is relationship right? I would be very sad if I could no longer be friends with this woman anymore.

Hello!

A friendship is indeed a relationship, and one of the most important relationships there is.

I'm sorry that you're in such a tough position. It's always sad to lose a friend to a relationship. Right now it would be best for you to allow her space to navigate this on her own. Too much pressure might make her resentful, and you most certainly don't want her to act from a resentful space.

You've communicated with her partner, and he's come to his own conclusions, but he's not your friend, she is. You sound like someone who is patient and supportive, so continue to be that way in the capacity that she allows you to, and to a capacity that makes you comfortable so that you're not being taken advantage of. Your feelings and comfort level in this situation are valid, so make sure you're not putting yourself in too vulnerable of a position while trying to maintain this friendship. If she wants to continue to be your friend, she has to make that known as well.

I understand that it would make you sad if you find that you can no longer be friends with her, but it's her decision. Ask her what she wants, and then respect her decision. If she's willing to let your friendship go in favor of this relationship with her partner, then that's something you need to prepare yourself to accept. If she decides to keep your friendship and her relationship, respect the confines of their relationship.

You've also mentioned he was rude with you. Don't tolerate that! You've made it clear that your relationship with your friend is purely platonic, so his insecurities regarding this friendship are not your concern. Be assertive if you need to be, or just ignore him altogether.

I hope you guys can reach a happy conclusion.

As always, I wish you all the best.

~Yours truly

3 Dec 2021

Hey Olivia. I''m not sure if you're still around or not but if you are I could really use some help. I met someone on here while I was on a break from someone I know in real life. The problem is that I really like the person I met here and we've got real close. Sometimes I feel closer to the online person than my on and off real life person. The real life person wants to get back with me and I'm realy hesitant to do that because of my feelings for someone else. I don't want to throw away a relationship for something that's online. We haven't even talked about meeting in real life or anything like that because we were both just having fun, but we've both fallen for each other. I feel confused and guilty because my feelings for the real life person aren't that strong, but it's real life. I would feel like a jerk if I say no just because I met someone online and throwing it all away. I think I know what I want to choose, but I just want to know if I'm doing something crazy. Thank you.

Hello there!

I'm still around. Thanks for checking in. smile

Diving into the matter at hand, I'd say your dilemma is a common one. You have already acknowledged that you know what you want to choose, which is a good starting point. Sometimes it's easy to hold onto what's familiar because it's convenient, and it beats being alone, but you deserve better than that.

I'm not keen on telling you what to do, but I will encourage you to go with your gut on this one. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have given yourself an opportunity to let go of a situation that wasn't serving you, which opens you up to receive something better.

I hope it all works out!

~Yours truly