The next day:

Long before my alarm disrupted all peace, I was awake.  I was in bed, flat on my back, alone in my hotel suite.  I turned on the light on the nightstand as it was still dark outside.  I found myself looking at the ceiling with that thousand-yard stare, the one you only read about.

As I pondered the previous night’s sordid events, I asked myself, "Did this really happen?”  I continued to process.  This only resulted in more questions.

Did I really experience a number of sexual fantasies in one sweep?  Did this happen with Jennifer?  Did I get my rocks off to the nth degree without ramming my fingers, tongue, or cock into her pussy?  Did I really refrain from putting a hand on her inappropriately?

This was all such a blur, perhaps surreal.  So, why did I have this empty and hopeless feeling that was eroding away at me from the inside?  I felt as if I had lost a limb or some primary body part required for day-to-day function.  Something unidentifiable was wrong.  Was it guilt? Was it shame? Or, was it something else?

Then it dawned on me. I was alone.  Not just by myself, but really alone. There I was, lying in bed wondering why I felt like I had a hole in my chest.  Why was I experiencing utter despair?  I was grief-stricken and had a feeling of total loss.

Then, I felt the phone vibrate as well as make the notification sound that a text message was incoming.  It was from Jennifer.

Her text stated, "Wow! That was an interesting night!"

I could only respond with something like, "Uh…yes…yes it was."

What kind of undignified ignorant response was that?  This fine lady, my closest friend, just took me to the moon and back while leaving my head spinning.  I was stunned and could not conjure up any intelligent, much less appropriate words.  Luckily, I was able to explain my intellectually challenged response to her soon after.

I stumbled out of bed as if I were in a drunken stupor.  I meandered to the bathroom and conducted my daily, some say OCD, grooming rituals.  I concluded with a long and warm shower.

This was radically out of character for me, for I have always been a proponent of a quick and efficient clean-up.  This time, for some reason I enjoyed loitering around having a long, hot, and relaxing shower.  I dried off and began to get dressed.

Then, something hit me internally.  I felt compelled to pick up my phone and open the photo gallery.   There were more than fifty photos and several videos of Jennifer in her glory.

I began to peruse my phone's gallery to view many incredible illicit images of the finest woman I have ever known.  I had lustfully examined photo after photo with each one more impressive than the former.

Jennifer lay there spreading her legs and exposing her beautiful pussy in a multitude of different ways.  I had taken many photos of her inserting objects including my flashlight, ice cubes, and a banana.

Additionally, I was granted permission to capture videos of her sliding these objects in and out of her pussy.

She also allowed me to photograph and video her, putting her fingers as far up as she could reach.  She inserted two fingers from each hand, far up inside, and slowly spread her soft wet lips apart, followed by stretching out the opening of her vagina.

I was able to visually examine and photograph approximately a depth of two to three inches inside of her.  I have never seen that much of the inside of a pussy before.  This was massive boner-fueling material!

And there I was, with my rock-hard penis clutched in my hand.  I was as hard as I was last night.  My adrenaline was pumping in concert with my heartbeat and my penis. 

I felt that erotic burning sensation, from my back door to the tip of my cock, you feel just before you cum.

This was awesome!  Here it comes!  I felt like I was going to extrude a gallon!  I didn’t care if I blew my load all over the place because it wasn’t anything that another shower couldn’t cure.

And then...I stopped…dead in my tracks.  My cock swiftly went soft resembling a deflating balloon.  Now, my flaccid penis, which was a flag pole seconds ago, only dribbled a few drops of pre-cum.  I sat there in a deep, uneasy, and ominous fog, alone.

Suddenly, I began to reflect on the events that occurred the previous night.  It was the most amazing and erotic event I had ever experienced.  This beautiful lady had done things for me that no other could rival.  Even without touching, a plethora of sexual fantasies and dreams had come true for the two of us in that minuscule increment of time.  Hence the term, “Look but do not touch.”

It was obvious that my best friend always trusted me implicitly and felt safe with me.  If it were anyone else, I would have conjured up a way to justify getting up inside of her pussy with anything I could find, especially my cock.  Since this was Jennifer, I kept my word and afforded her the respect she always deserved.

As I previously stated, Jennifer was not a toy nor was she some sort of sexual fantasy doll that you use on occasion.  I also stated that she was a living, breathing human being with feelings.  I have never forgotten that.  She had not conducted any of these types of activities with anyone else.  She engaged in these events with me exclusively.  I am honored that she trusted me enough to play with.

I felt like I owed her the highest degree of respect I could give to anyone. So, why did I feel as if there was a part of me that possibly had not done so?

Then, a total moment of clarity engulfed my inner consciousness.  Reality had set in, and I was no longer at peace.  I found myself in turmoil, struggling to grasp the slightest inkling of what was happening to me.

There I was, down on my knees, as helpless as a baby.  I was experiencing a flood of uncontrolled emotions flowing profusely from my eyes and my heart.  I felt as if I had been clobbered by Thor's Hammer!

It was done.  The truth finally exposed itself rearing its ugly head.  But, was it ugly?  Or, was it just frightening?  Either way, it became blatantly obvious that something was off.  I was now forced to face something that had haunted me for thirty years.

I was faced with the fact that I was hopelessly and helplessly in love with Jennifer.  I always have been.  There was no denying, dodging, hiding, nor lying to myself about it anymore.  My heart felt as if it were ripped out of my chest, and it was incredibly painful.  This was a period of approximately thirty years of festering emotions that were churning up an unbelievable amount of pain.  I am unable to describe the level of agony I was enduring.  I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

I was alone… I had finally identified the love of my life without having a clue how to proceed.  She did not know. I did not know how to tell her how I felt, nor did I have any idea where to begin.  I needed to tell her!  She needed to know!  I was dying inside.  How was I to address my burning desire for her?

She is my “One.”  I had searched far and wide for this illusive “One” and had concluded that she was not real, nor did she ever exist.  Strangely enough, after all of these lonely years of silent searching, I came to find that she does exist, and she had been right in front of me all along.  How was I so visually impaired?

I now surrendered to my emotions and feelings that have been subconsciously suppressed for a lifetime.  Finally, I have clarity.  There was no doubt in my mind that I must pursue this quest.  I was driven and I knew what I must do!

I love this woman like no other.  I had always loved her.  There was always this warm feeling we had when we were together.  We were magnetically drawn to each other from the beginning, and we didn't see it.

Why did I experience this epiphany after all of these years, much less after last night's events?  I was in love with Jennifer, not her pussy.  Well, OK, I love that too.

Yes, she continued to turn me on and sexually excite me like no other.  She possessed that magic that everyone seeks but very few find.  Nobody had ever had that effect on me.  And yet, there she was. 

I reflected back on my memories and came to the harsh realization that Jennifer had slipped through my fingers twice before.

1989: The first time I lost her was when I left town to pursue my career.  Nothing, nor no one could stand in my way. Although my career progressed, that unrelenting school of thought cost me dearly.

1999: The second time also cost me everything imaginable.  I had lost her to the man who married her. Little did anyone know what an unambitious, self-centered, and nasty leech he was.

You see, my career was beginning to flourish, and I was utterly focused on myself.  I became immersed in my career and was blinded by the beginnings of my financial success.  As a result of my alleged self-importance, I didn't make the time to call her.  I have no excuse.

So, one heart-stopping afternoon, I received an email from Jennifer.  There was no message, just an attachment.   I was so arrogant, I thought it may be another dirty little photo.  After all, there was always time for a little more pussy.

It was a photo all right…  It was her wedding picture.

I was stunned and absolutely devastated.  I just sat and stared in utter disbelief.  I felt as if I had just been kicked in the balls by an ornery mule.

Without compunction, I deleted the email.  I sat there in complete shock and regret, followed by utter despondence.

I collected myself while trying to act in my normal demeanor.  The woman I was currently involved with walked into the room and boisterously said, "Are we getting married, or what?!"

I just mumbled, "Yeah... sure..."  After all, I figured that I had nothing to lose at this point.  This twenty-two-year downward spiral may be discussed some other time, some other place, or some other story.  Then again, why?

Meanwhile, back in 2021, after thoughtfully reflecting on my current state of affairs regarding Jennifer, I decided that I could not let her slip through my fingers again.  I knew that I must act upon this.  If I chose to do nothing, I would only have myself to blame resulting in wandering off into a meaningless existence.

The rest of my visit to Northern Ohio was uneventful.  Due to family obligations, I was not able to see Jennifer for the remainder of my visit.  I was experiencing the pain of intense loss. I was wandering aimlessly and unable to focus, much less give my undivided attention to any particular thought, except Jennifer.

I had made a decision to aggressively move forward and seek my destiny.  This was the beginning of a two-year whirlwind odyssey that had rearranged my life and moved beyond the point of no return.  There was no looking back.

I returned to my residence, deep in the heart of Texas.  I flailed around without purpose for several weeks.  However, Jennifer was never absent from my mind.  We communicated often, and I began planning another visit back home.  My trip was planned for approximately five weeks from now.  I was more than ready.  I planned and memorized my script to profess my undying love for her.  I was prepared to lay all of my cards on the table and move forward.

We talked on the phone one evening shortly after I had returned to Texas.   We were discussing life and we continued to solve the world's problems.  So far, this was a nice conversation.

Then, she mentioned someone she knew from work.  She told me that he wanted to take her out. 

“Uh...what?”  I think my heart missed a beat.  I thought for a second that I heard her say, “Some guy wanted to take her out.”

She continued.  She said she was frustrated because this interloper (my words) was not interested in any activity she had mentioned.  Every time they talked on the phone, he would not agree to go anywhere or do anything she suggested.

“Uh...What?! Activities?! Every time they talked on the phone?! WTF?!” 

She told me, “The only thing he wanted to do was take me to his apartment.”

“Uh…What?! Apartment?!  WTF?!”

I said to Jennifer, “Please do not do anything until I get there and talk to you face to face.”  She did not appear to hear me, or it just did not register.  She continued to talk about going out with this character.  However, strangely enough, she sounded like she was almost indifferent regarding him.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was not passing the smell test.

Again, I said a little more directly, “Please do not go out or get involved with this guy until we can talk face to face.”  I implored her, “Please wait for me to get there!”   One last time, I said almost beggingly, “Please wait for me!”

I believe Jennifer was so distraught because she had recently thrown out her soon-to-be ex-husband.  She wanted so desperately for someone to be nice to her, or just take a little interest.  I was afraid that her head was not clear and she would inadvertently allow this womanizing pig to take advantage of her.  He was only telling her what she wanted to hear.

I knew I loved Jennifer more than anything.  So, I was not going to just sit back and let bad things happen to her.  Additionally, I must admit I was feeling a bit jealous and perhaps possessive.  The thought of some creep having his way with her was more than I could bear.  I needed to make my move.  Now!

I interrupted her.  I said, "Stop, please!"  Jennifer stopped talking and appeared to be confused.  I said, "This jerkoff only wants you in his apartment with you on your back, and I don't like it!" Whoops… Did I just say that?

After a moderate pause, Jennifer retorted, "What do you mean, ‘you don't like it?’"

I was speechless for a long moment.  Oops…what have I done?

Jennifer repeated with increasing intensity, "Again, what do you mean by, ‘you don't like it?’"

Oh shit, I've done it now.  The cat had clawed its way out of the bag this time.  Shit!  

This lowlife interloping deleted delete had altered my schedule. I had my whole script memorized. I wanted to look at her in the eye and tell her everything. I wanted to lay my cards out on the table, so to speak. I wanted to tell her personally how much I loved her.

After another awkward pause, she said again, slowly and deliberately, "What do you mean by, ‘You don't like it?’"

Shit!  I am now without a plan and I am flying by the seat of my pants.  As a pilot, I do not operate that way.  I thought I had it together.  I had a plan, schedule, and a script.  I had a hard-core protocol to follow.  Now, in an instant, some douchebag unraveled everything!  That uncultured Piece of Excrement!

Jennifer was waiting for an answer.  I owed her that.  I owed her everything, not only out of obligation, I just wanted to.  She was everything to me.

I sheepishly said, "OK, are you wearing a seat belt? You are going to need one for this."

Then, without holding back, I told her everything.  I told her how I felt about her.  I told her how much I loved her.  I said, "I have loved you from the moment I met you.  I loved you when you were that nineteen-year-old little girl, who invited herself into my car talking about her tits, so many years ago."  I also said, "I cannot let you slip through my fingers again."

Jennifer responded with pure silence.  Time appeared to stand still.

She gathered up the energy to say, in an almost yelling state, "I don't believe you!"  Followed by more silence.  Jennifer then sounded as if she was in tears and said, “I have always loved you, and you left!" 

There was a long and deafening silent pause.

I was the first to break the silence.  I quietly and calmly said, “Yes, I did leave.  I admit it.  I should not have left without you.  I should have brought you with me, somehow.  I have paid the price.”  I then said, “I had no idea how you felt.”

I never gave Jennifer any definitive information regarding my feelings, whereas she hadn’t disclosed hers either.  Both of us were always afraid to test those waters for the possibility of destroying our friendship.  Therefore, it was never discussed.  How could two people remain the best of friends if one did not possess the same feelings toward the other?  Can you say, “Awkward?”

After a very long conversation, we both agreed that our deep friendship had always been paramount.  Neither of us was willing to let anything stand in the way.  After all, during our premarital years, we were Friends with Benefits.  These were the best of benefits!

Additionally, we engaged in some of the most alluring and wild sexual pleasures that were never experienced with others.  Jennifer was always the one who I erotically fantasized about.  She told me that she felt the same about me as well.

During those lost years, we maintained our relevance by exchanging numerous elicit digital photos of each other.  I think we saw each other’s genitalia more than our own spouses.

Nevertheless, the harsh realization of losing in excess of twenty-five years was devastating, to say the least.  We now were quite aware of the most important fact between us.  We needed to make up for all of those years of lost time.

Jennifer agreed to not follow up with the idea of dating that douchebag previously discussed.  I was relieved.  I now continued to plan my next visit.  However, this time Jennifer was going to be my solitary reason and my center of attention.

Until the day of travel, we continued to communicate on the phone daily.  There was no more dirty talk or elicit photos, for now.  While we were together on my numerous visits, there was to be no inappropriate touching, absence of clothing, or sex.  Uh… what did I just agree to?

Jennifer set some very stringent rules.  She did this because she needed to.  She needed to know that I was serious.  Jennifer needed to verify that I was going to be the one to take care of her and treat her like a lady, unlike her soon-to-be ex-husband and those douchebags she knew from her place of employment.

We were now laying the groundwork to embark upon a two-year courting ritual that would prepare me for the life we should have had.  This life-changing event will be discussed in part three of this story.

Thank you for taking the time to read this account of events.  I hope you have enjoyed reading about more of our little sordid adventures.  As always, the names have been changed to protect the Guilty as Charged.