Sitting in his rattan chair, David was lazily scrolling through a comic book, chill music droning from his Telefunken ghettoblaster that predated himself by easily a decade (as the 'made in West Germany' label testified). These moments of careless idling with no need for justification were the ones that made him appreciate his decision of moving into that cheap shared apartment with some college kids, despite him having pushed past thirty a while ago. The fact that the job market wasn't exactly at its high and whatever openings were still there didn't allow for too spectacular financial escapades had also played a major role in the choice of his dwelling.
Wagering whether the buzz he felt from the previous three would be enough for the night, he considered cracking open a fourth cold one. Decision-making was, however, neglected as his sensitive ears picked up a banging and creaking that did not come from his speakers and annoyingly broke the rhythm of the music.
Not again, he thought, rolling his eyes before knocking back the refreshingly warm, decarbonated backwash and mentally counting back from ten. This usually did the trick when, every once in a while, his roomie would allow her new boyfriend to follow his irresistible urge to punish humanity with his seed—and his girl for her poor choice in mating partners. He just hoped they had taken the necessary precaution to prevent his poor genetic material from proliferating.
For a moment, he wagered whether the singles market was closely correlating with the job market. Was she really this desperate for validation that she took pity on this pimple-faced two-pump chump?
"I don't want your pity fuck," David recalled her rejecting him after he had offered her to make her eyes roll in pleasure so far back she'd get a close-up of her brain.
"Then don't come complaining how this wimp isn't any good in bed, bitch," David cursed between his gritted teeth as by the number six, the pounding, much to his surprise, had not yet been complemented by the boy's unflattering grunting that would signal the predictably inevitable course of events yet again.
Five... Four... Three...
Just when David was about to will himself into ignoring the stupendously persisting ruckus from the room next door, his most optimistic hopes were, nonetheless, impeded as the distinct Wookie rutting noises became audible.
David closed the volume in his hands with a loud thump. "This is the last straw," he hissed as he stood up, let the book fall to the ground and single-handedly crushed one of the empty cans. He stormed out of his room. "To hell with self-fulfilling prophecies!"
He flung open the bedroom door next to his, eyes bristling with anger, as he arrived just in time to spare Diana, his roomie, the embarrassment of yet another unfulfilling tryst and her boyfriend, Dwight, the awkwardness of yet another undeserved post-coital snore.
Enraged rather by the sudden interruption than by the unsolicited intrusion, Dwight, still somewhat groggy from his recent ejaculation, attempted a right hook but clumsily stumbled over his own feet. His uncontrolled fist flew past David’s face. The latter grabbed the loose arm before him, twisted it and let it fall into a shoulder lock.
“Let me go, dammit!” Dwight slurred, struggling, not yet realizing his predicament.
Facial features still tense, David simply tightened the lock, eliciting a painful scream from his victim’s mouth.
“Dwight!” Diana yelled, only just beginning to process what was happening.
David pushed his foot into Dwight’s knee, forcing him to kneel between his girlfriend’s still spread legs, face just inches from the pussy where he saw streaks of his cum seaming her delicate puffy flesh.
“David, let him go!” protested Diana.
David threw her an intense, intimidating glare in response, which earned him a glance of shameful defeat from his flatmate. In her lingering glance, he read the plea for release he had been anticipating.
“High time you learn some manners and how to eat pussy,” David grumbled.
“Fuck no, that’s gross!” Dwight barked between his labored breath.
David’s grabbed the suffering boy’s hair and yanked his head firmly towards Diana’s cum-glazed labia.
“What was that? You’re not into eating pussy?” he snarled. Looking Diana straight in the eye, he added, “And I bet sissy boy here insists on having his dick sucked by his gorgeous girlfriend, yes?” to which she replied with a feeble nod. “...and cumming on her face too?” observing every reaction of her shame-ridden facial features. “Oh, in her mouth, even,” he added with a self-content tone of insight. “About time we teach the little wannabe-macho how to please a girl.”
With a gentle yet firm push, David pushed Dwight’s face into the puddle of his own spunk that adorned the swollen lips of her unsatisfied pussy.
“Lick it clean, boy!” sternly ordered David. He added, after getting only protesting grunts as a reply, “Or I’ll have to spoon-feed your cum to you. I can’t think of many more humiliating things for someone as useless as you, or maybe you’d rather have me eat her for you and snowball your spunk back to you? You know I’ll gladly show you how the very basics if it helps knock some sense into you.”
A scared, muffled shriek of pure horror came from between Diana’s legs before Dwight complied.
“Look who’s a good boy now,” commented David. “I hope he’s giving it some effort,” he added, closely watching Diana’s reactions, nodding in approval at her moan. “If memory serves, that’s the first time I hear something so beautiful come from between those luscious lips, right, boy?”
The slurping noises from Dwight’s licking as well as Diana’s moans made it apparent that he was actually trying to please Diana—or David, for that matter. The latter finally released the shoulder lock, as he judged his roomie’s lover did not need more persuasion. Still, the timbre in her voice, as he had much expected—and looked forward to—did not satisfy his requirements.
His inquisitive look on Diana’s face was met with eyes that yearned for release. “Now tell me, dear cohabitant, is the boy any good?” he asked, his gaze fixed to hers, yet not getting more out of her than insecure moans. “Let me rephrase this: are you getting any closer to the first orgasm this useless idiot ever gave you?”
She replied by shaking her head between frustrated moans and squirms trying to adjust her position.
“A little hole-centric, is he, yes?” David added, Diana nodding in response. “Just as I thought. Can’t even find a clit when it’s practically poking him right in the face.”
Having heard enough insults, Dwight stood up and, with an enraged, cum-stained face, missed another amateurish, far too obvious hook that made him lose balance once again. David seized the moment and landed a full backhand slap across his attacker’s jawline and a controlled, gentle kick that grazed his balls just enough to evoke every man's instinctive protective reaction. Dwight collapsed into a sniffing, whimpering pile of flesh, hands sheltering his endangered crotch.
“Wow, that’s pathetic,” commented David. “Get a hold of yourself, boy. Get up and watch closely how it’s done because I have absolutely no intention of showing you this more often than necessary although I agree with you that your girl here is a dish. But stealing someone from their partner, no matter how useless they are, is poor style.”
In a wordless capitulation, Dwight crawled to David who was already kneeling between Diana’s legs. He threw her a questioning look. “Do you want this?” Her eager nod came with rigor and a look that spoke volumes about how long she’d been waiting for this moment. This put a knowing smirk on his face.
He parted her swollen labia that were glistening with her juices. He sighed at the beauty of the sight.
“At least, you did a good job cleaning her from your cum, boy, gotta give you that much,” he first complimented, before adding, “Still, we’ll have to give you some pointers as to where to find that magic little button. See, if all men were as ignorant as you, all women would be lesbians and while that sure would add to many men's viewing pleasure, it would mark the end of the human race—probably the only instance where total ignorance would actually save this planet from our species.”
Slowly, David traced the outside of her labia with his tongue with just a light touch. Deliberately, he avoided her clitoral hood, causing her to wince every time he came near it. Then he snaked his tongue between her large, fleshy folds, enjoying the feel of her silky nether lips against it.