I felt myself flush at the possibility that she may think me rather naïve. I generally wasn't but I had built up an almost impenetrable wall around me which she was beginning to destroy. I had the utmost trust in her but here, in the space I always thought of as my fortress, I began to feel vulnerable and I was trying to come to terms with the fact that, at long last, I had found someone with whom I could relax and already, I had subconsciously let down my guard.
“You have no need to worry,” she replied, as though she could read my very thoughts. “I will take the utmost care of you and your home, probably better than I do my own.”
“I know,” I replied, somewhat abashed.
I turned to the dressing table, anything to take my mind off my perceived embarrassment, and opened the draw that contained my clean nightwear. Nothing there seemed good enough to offer her so I took out what I thought was the prettiest, a cotton, floral print, knee length nightdress with a ribbon to tie at the neck. I had liked it when I bought it but now it seemed wholly inadequate. At the time I had not thought about bringing anyone back to my home to sleep with, and certainly never expected such a beautiful woman would require it to wear.
Jemima had been watching me with some amusement. Seeing my discomfort she touched my shoulder and I turned to face her, still holding the nightie.
“Karen, stop fretting about what I might be thinking of you and your life style. I told you, it doesn't matter.”
I sighed.
“It matters to me, Jemima,” I answered resignedly. “You are used to the best of everything, things which I can never hope to offer you.”
“You don't get it, do you,” she said, holding my arms firmly. “I am not used to the best, only the most expensive. That is not the same thing I assure you.”
“Well maybe not,” I replied, “but I live in a different world than you do...” Once again she stopped me, a finger pressed gently but firmly to my lips.
“Do you still feel the same as you did before the crash?” she asked as she removed her finger.
I shook my head.
“Well then? Neither do I, Karen. Like you, something died that day. I cannot go back to that life and what lies in the future, I don't know but what I do know is that I want to be open to anything. We both have a new life ahead of us and I don't know whether it will be together or separately but either way, I am open to anything and you make me happy so stop worrying.”
I couldn't argue with her. I was behaving exactly the way I was worried about her being but in the opposite way. She didn't care about my working class existence so why should I be so concerned about her privileged one?
“You are right, of course,” I answered her, my shoulders drooping as I let my arms drop. “I have to learn too.”
“Good. Now, don't worry about your nightie, I like it, it's you and it's pretty but...”
I knew it, it was just words!
I tried not to show my thoughts but it was obvious, it wasn't good enough for her!
She laughed.
“Karen! I can see in your face what you are thinking! There is nothing wrong with it, honestly. It's just that I normally sleep naked!”
“Oh, I see.” I smiled somewhat sheepishly and felt myself flush with embarrassment. “I'm sorry. I suppose I do have much to learn.”
She took my face in her hands.
“It's all right, Sweetheart,” she whispered, gazing into my eyes, “We both have a lot to learn.”
We remained still, just gazing for a minute until. "Come on,” she said, releasing my cheeks, “Sleep. You have a lot to do tomorrow.”
“Hmm, yes, I do.” I sighed then and turned to the wardrobe, opened the door and pushed my clothes along the rail. “There is room here for yours, if you wish and there are some hangers there too.”
She didn't reply and I turned back to her. For the first time I took notice of what she was wearing, a black, dress with white piping and buttons, which flared from the waist. It was beautiful.
It complemented her tanned complexion, deep brown eyes and glossy black hair which she had drawn back into a pony tail and tied with a white lace ribbon in a big bow.
In short, she looked amazing!
She began to release the buttons at her slender neck. One by one she pushed the plastic disks through the openings in the fabric and I couldn't take my eyes off her when the two sides slowly separated as each button was released.
“I will just, erm...” I looked towards my room and inclined my head in that direction. I was beginning to feel a little flushed and it seemed that embarrassment was only part of the reason.
She had reached her waist and the material of the bodice had fallen open revealing her expensive silk corselet which accentuated the shape of her still firm breasts.
“Oh, could you stay a moment and help me with this dress please. It can be a little difficult with the netting.”
I didn't reply but remained rooted to the spot as she finished releasing the remaining buttons and allowed the dress to fall open either side of the netted underskirt that gave her dress its flare.
She stood still for a moment and then, with a sudden spark of recognition, I went behind her and took the open neck of her dress and held it up whilst she slipped her perfectly toned arms through the openings of the short, puffed sleeves.
I took it straight to my wardrobe and hung it carefully on a hanger. It probably cost more than all my dresses put together.
Turning back to her I gasped. She had removed the netted skirt and was draping it across the end of the bed. Something surged inside me, a feeling so intense it took me totally unaware. She was so beautiful standing there in just her corselet and sheer stockings. My senses reeled. I had never experienced such a feeling about a man before. I had always been so intent on pleasing him that my own feelings were by the bye but Jemima, she was making my stomach churn.
She straightened up and turned towards me.
“Karen? Are you all right?” she asked and my already burning face reddened even more.
“Oh, yes, sorry, erm, was I staring?” I was embarrassed to say the least and felt a little faint.
“You were but I don't mind,” she smiled. “Do you like it?”
I nodded slowly.
“Yes,” I whispered, “I do, very much.”
“Do you feel sort of funny inside?” she asked, much to my surprise, “In a way you have never felt before?”
Again, I nodded.
“Well, that is how I felt. When you got changed earlier and were just in your uniform blouse and stockings, I wanted to run over and grab you, to touch you.”
“But you didn't...” I was getting a little confused now.
“No,” she replied, “I didn't. I didn't want you to think that I was some crazed woman who only wanted your body, like all men either of us has ever known.”
“I... I don't know what to say,” I sighed, “Or what to do. It was easy with men, they did all the pushing, all I had to do was let them but you...” My words trailed off.
She looked at me, worry etched upon her pretty face,
“What about me, Karen? Have I disappointed you?”
“No! No! Not all, Jemima!” I hurriedly assured her, “No, you are not like them. You have not pressured me and I feel that if I told you now that I wasn't ready you would respect me and nothing would change.”
I looked at her directly, challenging her almost.
“Karen, you are dead right. If you are not ready for this I will accept that, of course. Neither will I push you. When you were recuperating in France, I corresponded regularly with Matron Blanchard and she kept me up to date with your progress.”
“She never told me!” I exclaimed.
“No, I asked her not to. I didn't want to interfere with your recovery.”
“I did wonder how you knew when I would be home,” I said.
“Well, to be honest, I did tell a little half truth to your airline. I told them that you would appreciate having me there as we had been through so much together. Fortunately, they agreed after contacting Madame Blanchard.”
“Françoise is wonderful, Jemima,” I said, half to myself, “She understood how I was feeling, especially about you.”
“You told her about us?” Jemima's eyes opened wide.
“Not really, I didn't need to,” I admitted, “I tried to kiss her when she was giving me a bed bath. I was so confused after what happened between us and she was so kind. She guessed how I felt about you and with you trekking all that way to find me I suppose she didn't have to be a genius to work out how you felt.” I smiled nervously and gazed into her eyes.
Suddenly I knew what I wanted and stepped forward and pressed my lips against hers. She was startled for a moment then responded eagerly, her soft lips parting slightly allowing my tongue to slip between them and meet her own in a dance of pure, unadulterated love.