Thanks a lot everyone for replying. I sent a message to her this morning explaining my situation and she was ridiculously cool with it
Her original response was a 5 text reply before I had even replied to the first one starting with "okay I understand... what can I do to change?" ending with "do you think we should break up
The reason she said that was she thought that might be what I wanted, and she thought that might be best for me "I just don't want to make you unhappy"
I didn't flat out ask her to send me nude photos now as that's not what I want, I explained that I wanted her to come off a bit more like a gf rather than a sister. Not all the time, just an occasional show of affection or flirtation "i do love you and if that's whats best for you then id do it"
Finally the conversation ended with "please do tell me things" "il make that change and promise to be okay with it"
She's seemed happy since and I'm just pleased to have the weight off me. For her it was hearing it for the first time, whereas I've had 6 days to stress over it.
Thanks again everyone for helping, I think I'll find it easier to concentrate on my exams and I'm not straight pressuring her into sexting or anything crazy, just give me reminder that the person I wake up and text every morning till when I go to bed thinks of me more than just a friend!
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Active Ink Slinger
Quote by dpw
You've got through 3 1/2 years, wait another few months. It'll be clearer when you're together.
Here's the curveball! What if you put pressure on her coming up to her finals and she fucks up? Will she forgive you and will you forgive yourself?
What if you fuck up? Will you forgive yourself?
For the sake a few months, wait. She'll thank you for not adding to the stress she must already be under. Just go buy a porno and beat off!
I get what you're saying and didn't think of it that way... She won't thank me as she isn't really one to realize ones efforts as such!
It's not just being horny though dude. Like it sometimes feels to me like she isn't even attracted to me, some guys might react like "if she's not giving me any attention she must be getting the attention off someone else" I trust her enough to believe this isn't the case.
I think you're right about not putting her under stress, or putting myself under stress, just wish that alone resulted in how I feel going away.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by dpw
I think that you must be one of the sweetest guys on this site. Do you know the chances of success for a first love ending in marriage and if it did the divorce rate is 1 in 2. You haven't said but I guess you haven't cheated on her even at your age and raging hormones. Whoever you do marry is going to be lucky.
If you've had a sexual relationship during the vacations the chances are that will resume when you get together. Personally sexting, cyber and phone sex does nothing but frustrate me because I can't touch and that's what I need.
I also think it's fantastic that you've got through all but a few months of the time apart, you're almost there! Don't start doubting too much, throw yourself into studying for your finals.
The big laugh I got from your post was "while I'm still active and horny". I have to let you know that you've got at least another 30 to 50 years of that! It doesn't fade much and the better you become the more you want to do it.
Good luck.
Yeah, marriage ends in 2 ways, divorce or death, so 50/50 would make sense ;)
I made my mistakes in younger relationships, I was so "active and horny" back then, that mistakes were inevitable and I assumed as things are on the decline, I kinda guessed things would continue, 30-50 years sounds good though lol.
Could you say I kinda became dependent on that throughout my time at uni? And the change has been hard for me, and now the idea that I can't even flirt without being put down just kinda frustrates me...
I dunno, maybe I should just stick it out, that seems to be the most occurring answer here.
I just feel it'd be easier to bring it up now as I'm down rather than face to face if she declines doing something I'd perceive as normal.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dancing_Doll
So... was just thinking on this a bit more and had a thought - is she into dirty talk when you are together and is she verbal during sex? Because if she's uncomfortable with that and is more of a silent type, that can also explain why she's trying to avoid the sexting thing. Some people feel awkward verbally expressing themselves that way or 'trying to sound sexy'. If she told you she was basically just doing it in the beginning to keep you happy and out of fear of losing you, then now... several years later... she's likely feeling more secure in the relationship and is acting more herself (and less to impress you or keep you on the hook).
When it comes to dirty talk and sex, yeah it's not her strong point ha. Often if it comes to a quick handjob or whatever she will just start mocking the last thing I said... Probably to stop the awkwardness of all of a sudden going silent, but it's definitely not attractive. So yeah, dirty talk probably isn't her thing.
The thing I hate is literally no sexual contact or references can be made. If I say something i'll just get a "..." "ok" etc.
Quote by Dancing_Doll
I definitely think you'll have your answers once you're back in the same town and in normal dating/relationship mode again where you see each other more regularly. If she's still stand offish about sex, then you'll have a bigger decision to make on the future of the relationship. People change a lot during university years, as you said. It's possible the friendship part of the relationship (since this is where you began) is taking over the passionate part because of the distance. Since it's not too far out, I'd just hang in there see where it goes once you're both established in the same town. I guess my only caution would be to make sure she's really in it for the long haul and this is what you both want if it's going to limit where you look for jobs. I think that would be unfair to you otherwise.
I've put a lot into the relationship, we're both young (probably immature as a result) and that's what bothers me, I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, especially whilst I'm still active and horny. I don't wanna annoy her again by bringing it up. I feel right now I should I make up for the lack of contact by asking her to do wild things because otherwise I don't know whether it's all talk to keep me happy or whether things will change later.
Really appreciate you guys taking some time out, no guarantee I can reply to everyone but I am taking note.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by RichInMich
Sounds like she's 'growing up'... She might have friends around her who've had very bad experiences with sexting (phone hacking, break ups, etc), so she wants to limit her exposure so to speak..? What're your plans for after graduation? To be together, or more school..?
I think we'll both head back to living with our families then work it out from there. She's already got a job, which she can commute to from there. I will have to apply for jobs myself and because I care for the relationship I will apply for jobs around the area as well. Then hopefully within a year we can get our own place and start renting.
Thanks a lot for getting back to me
If it wasn't the last 4/5 months I think I'd be planning on breaking up when we're apart but the thought of it being that short makes me think I can deal with it a little longer. That said it's not easy at all, and I don't want to end up 3 or 4 years down the line her saying she also doesn't enjoy sex...
Maybe again the self doubt is getting to me, but the fact she seemed fine with everything the first few months, then things changed. I worry that she'll say actually I don't enjoy sex at all.
I should point out she said she enjoys sex and in the mood when we're together but when we're apart she's never ever in the mood.
Active Ink Slinger
Me (22) and my girlfriend (21) have been going out for 4 years now, before that we knew each other and we were pretty much best friends. About 7 months into the relationship I started university about 130 miles away. The first year I was pretty upset, uni life wasn't how I thought it would be and I was pretty damn depressed I'd left a good life to go live away from home etc. But my gf was always there to help me out, we spoke all the time, texted, called skyped, the works. Also she'd do everything to keep me happy, we'd sext a lot, webcam each other, if I wanted something she really was there to help. Although the 7 months were hard, we made it through, seeing each other about once every 3 weeks. Then back during the holidays we were back to seeing each other loads and everything was fine.
The second year things got harder, she went off to uni as well, this time round she was only about 100 miles away, we still saw each other about once every 3 weeks, we still talked a lot but she became her own person, as did I, I found friends I had interests with, she was no longer living at home and had less time. During this year instead of sexting, she'd send me semi-nudes and I still was happy. The year ended and once again we had a lot of fun during the times we weren't at uni.
The third year, the semi-nude photo's pretty much seized and she would decline sexting less and less, this lead to arguments, and I brought up on a few occasions how the first year had been so fun, she had been up for trying a lot of things, she seemed pretty horny herself and she rarely ever said no too stuff.
Now we are in the fourth and both of our final years (so from an educational stand point things are the hardest they will ever be) we still see each other. But she is not willing to sext at all infact she's said if we argue once more about it she's out (of the relationship). I never complain or say anything bad about her because I haven't ever got anything really bad to say. In the past she's told me off for keeping stuff in and not saying what's on my mind. But this is really bothering me now, we're a little over 50% of the way through and coming back from the Christmas break hasn't been good at all.
In the recent arguments she's said she's always hated sexting and all that, she was afraid to lose me when we first started going out, she doesn't want me to be upset and will try to be more open when we're face to face. But my problem currently isn't the face to face thing, something is still better than nothing, I'd like her to try new things or do the things we used to but right now that's the bottom of my concerns.
The fact she is no longer willing to sext or say anything sexual at all is hurting the way I feel. I am self doubting myself, currently have a major loss in self confidence and I'm starting to constantly feel down.
I was sent here by a really good friend, who helped me through a lot of this, but as it gets more annoying the friends been busy, and whether it's because of the self doubt I feel that person doesn't want to hear from me, and besides she's done more than enough to help me for one life time. I owe them a tonne anyway.
I don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do, I don't want to hold things in, I don't want to lose her, I want a relationship whereby I can try everything.
Thanks a lot for listening
The second year things got harder, she went off to uni as well, this time round she was only about 100 miles away, we still saw each other about once every 3 weeks, we still talked a lot but she became her own person, as did I, I found friends I had interests with, she was no longer living at home and had less time. During this year instead of sexting, she'd send me semi-nudes and I still was happy. The year ended and once again we had a lot of fun during the times we weren't at uni.
The third year, the semi-nude photo's pretty much seized and she would decline sexting less and less, this lead to arguments, and I brought up on a few occasions how the first year had been so fun, she had been up for trying a lot of things, she seemed pretty horny herself and she rarely ever said no too stuff.
Now we are in the fourth and both of our final years (so from an educational stand point things are the hardest they will ever be) we still see each other. But she is not willing to sext at all infact she's said if we argue once more about it she's out (of the relationship). I never complain or say anything bad about her because I haven't ever got anything really bad to say. In the past she's told me off for keeping stuff in and not saying what's on my mind. But this is really bothering me now, we're a little over 50% of the way through and coming back from the Christmas break hasn't been good at all.
In the recent arguments she's said she's always hated sexting and all that, she was afraid to lose me when we first started going out, she doesn't want me to be upset and will try to be more open when we're face to face. But my problem currently isn't the face to face thing, something is still better than nothing, I'd like her to try new things or do the things we used to but right now that's the bottom of my concerns.
The fact she is no longer willing to sext or say anything sexual at all is hurting the way I feel. I am self doubting myself, currently have a major loss in self confidence and I'm starting to constantly feel down.
I was sent here by a really good friend, who helped me through a lot of this, but as it gets more annoying the friends been busy, and whether it's because of the self doubt I feel that person doesn't want to hear from me, and besides she's done more than enough to help me for one life time. I owe them a tonne anyway.
I don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do, I don't want to hold things in, I don't want to lose her, I want a relationship whereby I can try everything.
Thanks a lot for listening
Active Ink Slinger
Hey everyone, I'm new here so I probably won't know many people/anyone. If you wanna call me DB for short that's cool.
So basically a big reason I joined the site was too I write story's with the aim for feedback to be good enough so that my girlfriend is curious to read it, so on that note what encourages you to give feedback, comment, vote on stories? Do you read stories and not rate them cause there bad?
What's your regular feedback process?
So basically a big reason I joined the site was too I write story's with the aim for feedback to be good enough so that my girlfriend is curious to read it, so on that note what encourages you to give feedback, comment, vote on stories? Do you read stories and not rate them cause there bad?
What's your regular feedback process?