This was a difficult one for me. For a lot of reasons, I find that I have to have an emotional attachment as well as a physical attraction. I prefer making love to just fucking. The later leaves one unfulfilled and wanting. Its transitory at best. An emotional attachment gives sex its real meaning, at least to me. I've been madly in love twice in my life and married my second real love. The first one didn't work out because I transferred from the area. That said, I have remained in contact and remain good friends with all of my lovers, with one exception from college (he was trophy hunter and I was emotionally hurt for a long time because of his, what I saw, was his disrespect and attitude after he got what he wanted).
There's a lot of room between "soulmate" and "settling". It's more of a spectrum. I didn't settle, I married for love. But I didn't marry my soulmate either.
I'm separated though at one point I believed I met my soul mate. A lot of things seemed to make us connect. However his mental illness and his meddling mother drove us apart.
My best friend is in a similar spot. I think she married in haste, she was dating long distance. They didn't see each other for a few months (she is from another country), met up again and within four months when she came to my country to be with her husband. They got married. Now she has opened up to me on how unhappy she is, how he gets verbally abusive and in her face. To the point she has left him and he has tracked her down and made her come back. Worse thing is she is currently pregnant with her first child. Apparently she planned for the baby because she is in her mid 30s and didn't want to be a much older mother. However I think she made a horrible choice because she could have went back to her home country. I wish I could help her but there is only so much I can do and she has really no one else to turn to.
What I'm saying is I think her and I both settled for our husbands. Mine because I have been with him for many years and didn't think anyone else would have such a connection and get me. Her I think she loves him, but even when she told me how she hooked up with him after a failed FWBs relationship she had. She met him at the wrong time is what I'm saying and she settled.
Truth be told my wifes soulmate would have been high end purses with a penis and vagina attached to them. Mine would have been various guitars with vaginas. We both probably settled in that regard.
But we've been married 20+ years and still love each other,, most days, when I'm not being a dick.
I fell in love with my husband the day I met him, but we were both dating other people and we were still in HS. We became instant best friends and eventually we were both unattached and decided to brave a date, promising each other we'd pretend it never happened if it didn't go well. It went so well that we talked about getting married on the second date. 6 years from the day that we met, we got married. I was 21 and he was 22. This Saturday we will be married for 35 years. (sorry to anyone who thought I was young and cool...I'm just cool...lol).
We are apart WAY too often because of his job, but somehow we have managed to weather that any many other storms. He is my soulmate and I am the center of his world. Our marriage is unconventional, but clearly it seems to be working for us...after all these years.
Now he needs to get his ass home from India in time to celebrate our anniversary...lol
Scenario 5: Since I was 5 years old and was rescued from a house fire, my dream was to marry a firefighter. My dream came true. He is also my soulmate.
Plus he brought me to Alaska, which I also love!
Rule #1 of marriage - never EVER "settle" for your partner. It won't last. You will always wonder what was right around the corner waiting for you. Make sure the man or woman you are about to marry is your ONE.
Rule #2 of marriage - stay true to your ONE. They were your ONE once and there is only one first place in any race.
This is my philosphy for a happy marriage: You give 100% of yourself to your partner. Don't hold anything back. Devote your heart, soul, mind, and body to your partner every day. Empty yourself to them. Then your partner needs to do the same for you. Be like a pair of vases and empty yourselves into each other. If both give their all to the other, then neither walks away from the table hungry.
If, however, you give your everything to your partner and it is not completely refunded to you, at least you can put your head on the pillow at night knowing you did all you possibly could to make it work.
I have been married three times. The first was true love but he had a weak heart and I lost him after less than three years. Scenario 5: I married my soulmate and I’m a widow.
The second (#2, the shit) nearly broke me. Scenario 8: I married what I thought was my soulmate and now I’m divorced.
The third I have been married to for twentyone years. Love at first sight. Sometimes I hate him, but it never lasts. Without doubt Scenario 5 again: I married my soulmate and I’m still extremely happy & fulfilled.
Sometimes I think I'm greedy having two wonderful husbands. I know I am very lucky.
