I posted a short version of this in the relationship advice area before seeing this thread.
My wife and I have been married for 4 years and together for 8.
We have not had sex in just over 3 year.
She was a total nymph and it slowly turned into the boring routine sex.
Then before I knew it we haven't had sex in forever.
She says she does have any interest and doesn't know why.
she has tried changed her birthcontrol thinking it was the issue but nothing.
We're almost to the point of a devorce.
neither of us want that, we acknowledge there is an issue but cant get past it.
I cant even hug her without it causing an issue.
Help.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
It could be a medical or psychological issue that she's not aware of. First she should make an appointment with her gynecologist, and if necessary her gyno may refer her to a psychologist or psychiatrist.
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Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
It could be a medical or psychological issue that she's not aware of. First she should make an appointment with her gynecologist, and if necessary her gyno may refer her to a psychologist or psychiatrist.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
First, I'm sorry to hear of your frustrations.
I had a very similar experience in my marriage of 20 years which I've spoken about many times in various threads. We were crazy for each other, couldn't keep our hands off of one another and then it all started to change after we got married. It shifted and slowed down until it came to a screeching halt without so much as a warning or explanation or discussion with me. Obviously, my hubby didn't have birth control to blame or any other medications to point fingers at so the decision to stop having sex completely was all the more confusing and incredibly frustrating. Celibate for 3 years? You're lucky. My imposed celibacy went on for close to 10 years! I actually stopped keeping track because it was just too painful to think about and brought on a lot of shame I had no idea how to deal with.
Women are much more complicated creatures when it comes to sex and their libidos. I will agree that seeking both medical advice as well as psychological is important. It's wonderful to hear that you both are committed to one another and it sounds like she's open and willing to seek out help in order to make things better - that's a really good sign. I think that if you love one another, you need to not be afraid to turn over every rock including couple's counselling. There are no guarantees with any of this but at least you will know that when you lay your head on your pillow at night, you've done everything you could to save your relationship.
Having said all of this, I am in full agreement with dpw that you should not be expected to be celibate indefinitely unless that's a decision YOU come to on your own. Unfortunately, my story didn't end with a happily-ever-after. Unlike your partner, mine was very reluctant to discuss why things had changed and even more reluctant to seek help until I was ready to hand him divorce papers. Again, my struggle went on for WAY too long and much of that was because of the fact that I loved this man and wanted more than anything to stay married and keep our family together. Unfortunately, I had had enough and did not want to live out the rest of my days forever celibate, a decision HE made without my consent. Of course, there is more to the story but sex or the lack of intimacy was a HUGE reason why I turned in my dance card. As you can imagine, it was incredibly painful but I had and still have no regrets about it because I know I did everything in my power to save my relationship.
I wish you the very best with all of this and hope that you find your happy ending.
