Remy shuffled on his bed, crossing his legs to get a better view of me on the floor. We had been inseparable since childhood, forming a bond that we had wanted to solidify into brotherhood over the summer. Looking up at him on his perch I let my eyes wander carelessly up and down. He had a tank top on, and his biceps were already well defined from his time playing football. 

There was a shit-eating grin on his face as he had clearly thought of a new game to play before we fell asleep.

"Tell me a story," he let out after a moment of staring.

I laughed and looked out the window at the moon. We had spent the week waiting in anticipation to see the midnight premiere of the big superhero film of the summer and were disappointed to find out we missed it because his mother didn't understand where midnight fell on the AM/PM spectrum. 

"Hmmm," was the only response I could think of while crickets chirped making us both laugh. 

"Okay, so like, do you want an adventure story, fantasy, science fiction, or maybe romance," drawing out the last suggestion in my best soprano voice. 

Leaning back against the wall he replied, "Oh romance all the way!"

I looked at him and smiled, leaning back onto the floor to get comfortable as my imagination began to swirl. Seeing a ship in my mind I started to describe his solo journey as a Captain charting new and dangerous waters.

"You're standing on the deck of your ship, the sea spray falling around you like mist with every break in the water," I paused as he shifted in bed to lay down. 

"In the distance, there's a rocky outcrop that you're trying to sail around. The sea, though disturbed, is clear and the underwater world appears magnified before you. There's a voice singing, reverberating through the water and calling out to you, pulling you closer," I paused to listen for a second. His silence indicated to me that he was definitely into the story so I continued, "A shadow darts around the boat faster than you can follow, it appears to be a shark though you are unsure."

I could hear him breathing as he listened intently. A creaking noise from the springs echoed in the room as he shifted. 

"Your eyes follow the shadow to the rocky outcrop as your hand slides down to the hilt of your sword. Adjusting your sails, you slow the vessel down enough to see for yourself what this shadow is. As you approach, you notice a woman holding onto the rocks. She has unnaturally red hair that flows down her back and into the water. Topless, she presses herself against the rocks to hide her nakedness from you."

I thought I heard a shudder of breath in the moment of silence between sentences but pressed forward. 

"Having confirmed that it is indeed a woman, you prepare the ship to come to a full stop and drop anchor. You ask the woman how it is she got into the water so far from civilization, but she puts her left finger to her lips and shakes her head. With her right hand, she beckons you to join her. 

Abandoning all reason, you kick off your boots and toss aside your belt thinking only of her as a song seems to fill your mind. You dive into the clear water, free from fear of the rocks. You meet her at the outpost to find she is the very creature that you have most desired to know. A mermaid, siren of the seas."

I paused again for a brief moment, this time I could hear his blankets rustling. Was he really going to masturbate while I talked him off? 

"She leans back from the rock and you see her in full. Her skin is blemish-free and shines in the sun, the oils preventing her from wrinkling in her watery home."

The bed creaked slightly, confirming that he definitely was masturbating. I felt my face flush and looked over at the bed. I couldn't see him from my angle and was unsure if he saw me. My hand slid down, and I checked myself to find an erection that I knew wasn't from the story. 

I pushed forward, my voice slipping for a brief moment, "A-and looking down you can see the subtle joining of her lower body. Human skin goes down to her belly, muscles forming a v direction that points to the main issue with this fantasy," I joked, "scales in a rainbow of colors cover her lower half, one solid unit instead of two legs.

She looks at you and smiles, showing a row of slightly pointed teeth. Leaning forward, she presses into you for a kiss, exploring your cheek with her tongue. As you kiss, you can feel yourself slide under the water, taking a last inhale through your nose as she pulls you down."

The noise from the bed was barely being masked anymore. 

"Keep going dude," Remy breathed out.

"She pulls her lips away from yours as you float together. The light from above illuminates the emptiness of the outpost she lured you to. Sliding further down in the water she begins to pull off your pants, pushing your hands away with a feigned pout. Now naked, she pulls you in for another kiss, breathing air into your lungs and preserving you long enough for her to get what she wants.

Sliding back down, she stares at your cock, pulling it into her mouth. She slides her lips back and forth across your cock, her tongue playfully flicking. You hold your breath and she holds your legs, your release from her promised only after you release in her. You can feel it building up fast alongside the tightness in your chest as you long for breath."

I could hear him breathing heavily as he pounded away. 

"Brad, I'm about to cum so don't look okay," he panted. 

"Oh! Uh, so the mermaid," I trailed off and listened to his deep breaths as he shuddered out an orgasm. 

My face was bright red as he stood up to go to the bathroom. 

"Now look what you made me do," he said with a smirk, offering his palm for me to see. 

Growing up in the environment we did, admitting to an attraction would have been taboo. I looked at his face, searching for a hint of emotion. He seemed proud but grossed out slightly. 

"Eww go clean that up," I lied. 

"Queer," he winked.

I wanted to take his hand in mine and lick some of it off. I wanted to feel his cum soaked hand wrap around my cock, and for him to bring me to the edge of finishing. I wanted to roll around with him.

He got back into bed and I waited for him to fall asleep so I could go to the bathroom for my turn. 

The next morning, we decided to make a pact. We wanted the same things and would be brothers forever. The pain lasted for a second in my palm, though it appeared to not affect him at all. He set aside the tack, and we pressed our hands together and locked eyes. 

"Forever," Remy said.

"Forever," I repeated. 

We had shared all of our hopes and dreams, and we would be careful. Knowing the internet, we would audit each other occasionally for embarrassing posts. He wanted to be the first Native American President. I wanted to be the first VP caught pulling a Monica in the Oval Office. 

The next step to that was to join the Marine Corp together, so I took the ASVAB and was promised with my score I could do whatever I wanted. I wanted to become a Raider. 

He had his mom sign the papers, and left immediately after graduation before he was 18 with the promise that he was going to become an aircraft mechanic. He lied and went into Infantry. 

I ran. 

He wrote me from Bootcamp, and I never wrote back. I was angry and felt abandoned.

We shared a phrase together that I clung to for dear life as it cut my heart year after year. "Regret is a choice and one I choose not to make. Every scar is a lesson." 

Regret was indeed a choice for me, and a choice I still stand by today. Remorse, however, is far more nuanced.