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Is it OK to sexualize violence?

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Serious question for a change:

Recently the NY attorney general was accused of committing acts of violence against women he was dating. He claims what he did was part of a consensual role play. The accuracy of those claims notwithstanding, do you think it is OK to sexualize violence between consenting adults? Would how you feel change if one or both parties involved come from an abusive background? Is allowing for violence as part of a role play a slippery slope that will inevitably lead to non consenual violence?
Beffer
Rainbow Warrior
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At the risk of sounding judgmental, it's not okay with me.
Guest
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Quote by Beffer
At the risk of sounding judgmental, it's not okay with me.


It surprises me that you’d answer this question in the way you did having observed you in these forums, but I think that your answer speaks to the complexity and deep rooted emotions around this subject. I think it’s not a contradiction to value people’s freedom of sexual expression while at the same time saying that this is crossing the line. Thank you for always being willing to put your honest opinions out there regardless of how they might be perceived.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
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That’s not fucked up in the slightest. 2k69
trinket
Convict
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I think what two consenting adults do, is none of anyone else’s concern as long as the consenting adults are not hurting any non-consenting adults.

Why would either of them having come from an abusive background have any relevance to my opinion?

The slippery slope to non-consensual violence can be averted by communication and agreements beforehand, use of safe words and/or signals. If you’re talking about someone losing their shit for real during a role play, anything is possible but smart people wouldn’t put themselves in that position with someone they didn’t trust not to hurt them. I do not think this type of role play would make a non-violent person, want to be violent.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
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Quote by trinket


I think what two consenting adults do, is none of anyone else’s concern as long as the consenting adults are not hurting any non-consenting adults.

Why would either of them having come from an abusive background have any relevance to my opinion?

The slippery slope to non-consensual violence can be averted by communication and agreements beforehand, use of safe words and/or signals. If you’re talking about someone losing their shit for real during a role play, anything is possible but smart people wouldn’t put themselves in that position with someone they didn’t trust not to hurt them. I do not think this type of role play would make a non-violent person, want to be violent.


Exhibit A
Guest
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Quote by trinket


I think what two consenting adults do, is none of anyone else’s concern as long as the consenting adults are not hurting any non-consenting adults.

Why would either of them having come from an abusive background have any relevance to my opinion?

The slippery slope to non-consensual violence can be averted by communication and agreements beforehand, use of safe words and/or signals. If you’re talking about someone losing their shit for real during a role play, anything is possible but smart people wouldn’t put themselves in that position with someone they didn’t trust not to hurt them. I do not think this type of role play would make a non-violent person, want to be violent.


I think the idea that people who come from abusive backgrounds often find creative ways of self harm as a means of coping. I've heard it argued before that everything from consensual spanking to more extreme violent consensual role plays for people who were abused is a form of self harm. I am not saying I agree or disagree. It is an argument I've heard enough times I thought I would add it to the question.
trinket
Convict
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Quote by LovingSadist


I think the idea that people who come from abusive backgrounds often find creative ways of self harm as a means of coping. I've heard it argued before that everything from consensual spanking to more extreme violent consensual role plays for people who were abused is a form of self harm. I am not saying I agree or disagree. It is an argument I've heard enough times I thought I would add it to the question.


I am surprised I’ve never heard that. I am 33yo, how could I have never heard that?

As one who came from a violent home, but never self-harmed, I can see perfectly how that would work. Isn’t it still up to the consenting couple to determine where the boundaries lay, and to be in agreement with those boundaries? Doesn’t it all still come down to trust? If role play is going to be used as self-harm, they can only harm as far as the other person is willing to go.
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Quote by trinket


I am surprised I’ve never heard that. I am 33yo, how could I have never heard that?

As one who came from a violent home, but never self-harmed, I can see perfectly how that would work. Isn’t it still up to the consenting couple to determine where the boundaries lay, and to be in agreement with those boundaries? Doesn’t it all still come down to trust? If role play is going to be used as self-harm, they can only harm as far as the other person is willing to go.


Some mental health professionals, like Dr. Drew, argue that all kink is abuse. He went so far as to say 50 Shades of Grey is tantamount to endorsing abuse against women.
ChandlerAja2
Active Ink Slinger
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I see no reason that consenting adults should not practice the sexual acts in just the manner they chose. It is not a practice that anyone else need to approve or accept

However, at the same time with all the Me Too Publicity these days I am sure any couple who are practicing the style would do so only with great concerns. I am sure some of these guys have gone way over the line as to what is acceptable and what is not. I am equally sure there are woman who have accepted the benefits of what comes from a relationship with her counterpart. Only now to scream "Poor Me, I am a victim.

I know a number of rich men who have powerful positions, both in the public eye as well as private. I hear things like"There will never be a woman in my office alone again. They believe there is just too much vulnerability.

Just when woman's voice was beginning to be taken as seriously as a mans in the board Room.
Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
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Quote by ChandlerAja2


I know a number of rich men who have powerful positions, both in the public eye as well a private. I hear things like"There will never be a woman in my office alone again. They believe there is just too much vulnerability.





That is the downside of people having their lives destroyed by allegations vs due process. The Me Too movement needed to happen, but it has fostered an atmosphere of trial by media that is destroying men without their constitional right to due process. Is that really just? Truthfully, I’m not wise enough to know, but human nature being what it is, we should expect men to start enforcing the “Pence Rule” in their lives simply due to the fact that one accusation leveled twenty years later could ruin their lives.

Just or not, that fear will change society for the good, but also in ways that may do more damage than it heals. Such is the risk with trial by mob.
browncoffee
Coco Pop
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Quote by Magical_felix
That’s not fucked up in the slightest. 2k69


Not even marginally.
Beffer
Rainbow Warrior
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Quote by LovingSadist


It surprises me that you’d answer this question in the way you did having observed you in these forums, but I think that your answer speaks to the complexity and deep rooted emotions around this subject. I think it’s not a contradiction to value people’s freedom of sexual expression while at the same time saying that this is crossing the line. Thank you for always being willing to put your honest opinions out there regardless of how they might be perceived.


My opinion may be colored by experiences with friends who have been severely abused as children, and as adults can only get sexual gratification when sex is combined with physical abuse. The psychology of it disturbs me, especially since their physical abuse as children was clearly non-consensual.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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I don't know if there is a definitive answer for this question. Everyone's answer is going to be based on their own individual experiences. Mine is no exception. I don't think it's a secret that my kinks include bdsm. Let me narrow down the specifics as far as i'm concerned.

rope bondage. gags. spanking. A full spectrum of flogging, including crops, floggers, and whips. Breast and vaginal torture (clamps/biting/needles). Obviously, I am far outside the norm of society.

A little history. I discovered and developed some of these kinks while in a relationship at the age of 20, one which spiraled into an abusive relationship, so you can understand the conflict i sometimes feel. That said, my current relationships are very loving and and consensual and I still find myself craving those particular fetishes. They are also done with a lack of violence on my partners part. Anger is never a part of bedroom/bdsm play. If it was, I think that I would put a stop to it.

and aside, choking, a popular fetish in bdsm is a huge issue for me, to the point that i have had panic attacks during online cyber play in the past. That said, a very wonderful woman here worked with me and i am comfortable, at times, with the right partner, with it, as long as i have total control and initiate it. Sometimes, i still have huge issues. this is due the afore mentioned abusive relationship where choking was often a way to control me and force sex on me.

what it all boils down to, is it's different for everyone. I think that, for some, it can be a way of coping. for others, it's simply a kink, one that sometimes is associated with abuse, but wasn't a necessarily a product of it. And, for some, it' simply a kink that is hard wired into them. I do find that a lot of women into bdsm do have backgrounds of abuse or being controlled, and it would be an easy trap for them to fall into a bdsm relationship with someone looking to hurt them or use them. That said, i think many of them are wary of this and, if they get involved again, they make better choices and find someone willing to take the journey with them who is loving and caring and looking out for their best interests.

also, there are people on the other side of the spectrum - tops/dom/mes who have come from an abusive past as well and this is their way of protecting themselves - it's all about having control of the situation, after all - that's true for both subs and Dom/mes. I know it sounds strange, but as a sub, in a healthy relationship, i feel like i am the one in control. I control what happens, when/if it starts. when it stops. i have the final word on everything that happens. I think that might be a result of what happened to me in the past, when i didn't have control over what happened.

Hope that provides some insight?

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Milik_the_Red


That is the downside of people having their lives destroyed by allegations vs due process. The Me Too movement needed to happen, but it has fostered an atmosphere of trial by media that is destroying men without their constitional right to due process. Is that really just? Truthfully, I’m not wise enough to know, but human nature being what it is, we should expect men to start enforcing the “Pence Rule” in their lives simply due to the fact that one accusation leveled twenty years later could ruin their lives.

Just or not, that fear will change society for the good, but also in ways that may do more damage than it heals. Such is the risk with trial by mob.


i don't know that it is just, and i certainly agree that their is a huge difference between "minor harassment" and , but to be blunt, women have put up with a lot of mistreatment over the years, and right or not, it does feel a little satisfying to see guys walking on eggshells to make sure not to cross any lines. i think the backlash right now has a lot to do with what a large percentage (i'm guessing 100%) of women have had to deal with from day one. harassment, discrimination, misogyny, sexual assault, lewd comments, etc, etc. it's rare to find a woman/girl who hasn't experienced any of this first hand. hopefully, we find balance, but for now, it needs to play out with, perhaps, an imbalance of power.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
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Quote by sprite


i don't know that it is just, and i certainly agree that their is a huge difference between "minor harassment" and , but to be blunt, women have put up with a lot of mistreatment over the years, and right or not, it does feel a little satisfying to see guys walking on eggshells to make sure not to cross any lines. i think the backlash right now has a lot to do with what a large percentage (i'm guessing 100%) of women have had to deal with from day one. harassment, discrimination, misogyny, sexual assault, lewd comments, etc, etc. it's rare to find a woman/girl who hasn't experienced any of this first hand. hopefully, we find balance, but for now, it needs to play out with, perhaps, an imbalance of power.


You may be right. As I said, I don’t pretend to have the wisdom to judge the righteousness of this cause, and as you said, right or wrong, I’m sure there is a perverse satisfaction of having the power.

For the record, I hope guys like Weinstein get prosecuted just as Cosby did. I’m still confused as to why he isn’t behind bars. Polanski should have been vilified years ago and the fact that Hollywood is only now acting against him stinks to high heaven.

Still, was it right to destroy Al Franken? He was a valuable voice in the senate and his actions were hardly in line with his removal from office. My biggest worry comes in two forms. As this IS largely trial and punishment by media, does it really scare anyone who isn’t important enough to be on the 11 o’clock news? I doubt a middle management man like myself is going to get grilled on TMZ. So, really nothing has changed for guys like me. (Not that I’ve ever harassed anyone) or the women working for guys like me.

But let’s say the media did go after the average joe. How fair would it be to find stories I’ve written here, like I Am Pet, a hard BDSM story that could easily be spun by a person like Rose McGowen into an advocacy for sexual violence? Without due process, I could have my life destroyed over a story. How many guys here are in that boat? Believe me, many of us have already considered that possibility, that’s why a few of our better writers left when incest was brought back.

I’ve always been a libertarian and I value freedom. I just fear freedom will wither under the harsh glare of revenge media. So far, I don’t think #Me Too has turned into a witch hunt. But considering many of these allegations are decades old, that fear will now never really go away.

If from your perspective that’s a good thing, I suppose I understand but just be aware of how slippery that slope can get. People you know and respect could get hurt from actions they took that at the time seemed pretty innocent.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Milik_the_Red


You may be right. As I said, I don’t pretend to have the wisdom to judge the righteousness of this cause, and as you said, right or wrong, I’m sure there is a perverse satisfaction of having the power.

For the record, I hope guys like Weinstein get prosecuted just as Cosby did. I’m still confused as to why he isn’t behind bars. Polanski should have been vilified years ago and the fact that Hollywood is only now acting against him stinks to high heaven.

Still, was it right to destroy Al Franken? He was a valuable voice in the senate and his actions were hardly in line with his removal from office. My biggest worry comes in two forms. As this IS largely trial and punishment by media, does it really scare anyone who isn’t important enough to be on the 11 o’clock news? I doubt a middle management man like myself is going to get grilled on TMZ. So, really nothing has changed for guys like me. (Not that I’ve ever harassed anyone) or the women working for guys like me.

But let’s say the media did go after the average joe. How fair would it be to find stories I’ve written here, like I Am Pet, a hard BDSM story that could easily be spun by a person like Rose McGowen into an advocacy for sexual violence? Without due process, I could have my life destroyed over a story. How many guys here are in that boat? Believe me, many of us have already considered that possibility, that’s why a few of our better writers left when incest was brought back.

I’ve always been a libertarian and I value freedom. I just fear freedom will wither under the harsh glare of revenge media. So far, I don’t think #Me Too has turned into a witch hunt. But considering many of these allegations are decades old, that fear will now never really go away.

If from your perspective that’s a good thing, I suppose I understand but just be aware of how slippery that slope can’t get. People you know and respect could get hurt from actions they took that at the time seemed pretty innocent.


people like Cosby, Rapestein, Polanksi, etc, deserve to be destroyed. Others, like Franken and some others who committed relatively lesser acts, not so much. in fact, in the long run, vilifying assholes as opposed to monsters could be somewhat back setting to the cause. We're going to agree on that. and yes, it's supposed to be innocent until proven guilty.

and i agree with your concerns. There's a huge difference between consensual play or writing erotica and actual sexual abuse. hopefully it won't ever go down that rabbit hole - right now, all the media is concerned about are the big cases. the men in power, the celebs, etc.

i think what Me Too is doing right is it's started a conversation about what is right and wrong and what women go through on a daily basis. here's something for others to think about (i know this is something you're already aware of - your a good man, Milik - a lot of the men here are, and i would hate for the back lash to effect any of you):

women who are go through public scrutiny and mob trial on a regular basis. things that are brought up. how we're dressed. our sexual history. if we were drinking. all that stuff is brought up to discredit the victims. again, there's a bit of a 'this is what WE go through - it's your turn' going on here - i won't lie and say that goes through my mind at times like this.

btw, this, from 2 days ago:

A Tennessee teenager stabbed her classmate with a pair of scissors because he pulled up her dress, police say.

A male student allegedly pulled up a peer's dress in the classroom at Central High School in Memphis.

The girl reportedly responded by snatching a pair of scissors and stabbing him after multiple missed attempts.

Both students have been issued jury summons following the incident. It is not known exactly when the stabbing occurred.

The male student reportedly told police that 'he was only playing and never exposed the victim'.

He has received a summons for sexual battery, and the female student received one for aggravated assault.

She faces felony charges after acting in self-defence (imo) while he faces misdemeanor charges, since he was only playing. How the fuck was she supposed to know that? trust me, when someone's trying to lift up our dresses without our consent, can you blame us if we assume that it's a prelude to more unless we put an immediate stop to it? if i was walking to my car and some guy came up and tried to lift my dress, i would have stabbed him too - and if i hadn't, everyone would be asking why i didn't fight back and made it my fault that i let him do whatever he had planned to me.

btw, the boy received injuries minor enough that they were treated by the school nurse.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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Yea.. it’s not at all something I’d ever be comfortable with. Part of that is a sort of heightened level of empathy that kicks in occasionally and would make me feel like complete and utter Shit if I ever did. BDSM and everything in between just isn’t a thing that does anything for me.

Too many injuries early in life may have developed a high pain tolerance, but outside of weight lifting discomfort, pain and discomfort isn’t something I’m inclined to seek out particularly when it comes to sex.

I’m also of the opinion violence is still hardwired into humanity. We haven’t advanced as far as we think. And violence in sex just seems to slippery a slope to easily slip into very base instincts of our ancestors.
Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
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Quote by sprite


people like Cosby, Rapestein, Polanksi, etc, deserve to be destroyed. Others, like Franken and some others who committed relatively lesser acts, not so much. in fact, in the long run, vilifying assholes as opposed to monsters could be somewhat back setting to the cause. We're going to agree on that. and yes, it's supposed to be innocent until proven guilty.

and i agree with your concerns. There's a huge difference between consensual play or writing erotica and actual sexual abuse. hopefully it won't ever go down that rabbit hole - right now, all the media is concerned about are the big cases. the men in power, the celebs, etc.

i think what Me Too is doing right is it's started a conversation about what is right and wrong and what women go through on a daily basis. here's something for others to think about (i know this is something you're already aware of - your a good man, Milik - a lot of the men here are, and i would hate for the back lash to effect any of you):

women who are go through public scrutiny and mob trial on a regular basis. things that are brought up. how we're dressed. our sexual history. if we were drinking. all that stuff is brought up to discredit the victims. again, there's a bit of a 'this is what WE go through - it's your turn' going on here - i won't lie and say that goes through my mind at times like this.

btw, this, from 2 days ago:

A Tennessee teenager stabbed her classmate with a pair of scissors because he pulled up her dress, police say.

A male student allegedly pulled up a peer's dress in the classroom at Central High School in Memphis.

The girl reportedly responded by snatching a pair of scissors and stabbing him after multiple missed attempts.

Both students have been issued jury summons following the incident. It is not known exactly when the stabbing occurred.

The male student reportedly told police that 'he was only playing and never exposed the victim'.

He has received a summons for sexual battery, and the female student received one for aggravated assault.

She faces felony charges after acting in self-defence (imo) while he faces misdemeanor charges, since he was only playing. How the fuck was she supposed to know that? trust me, when someone's trying to lift up our dresses without our consent, can you blame us if we assume that it's a prelude to more unless we put an immediate stop to it? if i was walking to my car and some guy came up and tried to lift my dress, i would have stabbed him too - and if i hadn't, everyone would be asking why i didn't fight back and made it my fault that i let him do whatever he had planned to me.

btw, the boy received injuries minor enough that they were treated by the school nurse.





Your example, which I’m certain is not an outlier or an anomaly in the system but rather an indicative event within the system, shows well how complex this issue is. The law and courts are operating under theories of justice that are completely outdated. This is why we are where we are now.

I’m all for changing the laws so due process can function as it should. Hopefully it will but being realistic, I’m not inclined to believe will. Let’s just hope our laws change before the mob rule becomes the law.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Milik_the_Red


Your example, which I’m certain is not an outlier or an anomaly in the system but rather an indicative event within the system, shows well how complex this issue is. The law and courts are operating under theories of justice that are completely outdated. This is why we are where we are now.

I’m all for changing the laws so due process can function as it should. Hopefully it will but being realistic, I’m not inclined to believe will. Let’s just hope our laws change before the mob rule becomes the law.


one thing i'd like to add - doing that to a girl who has already been sexually assaulted would set off all sorts of reactions, no matter how harmless it seemed to the kid - and it certainly wasn't a harmless gesture.

i work in a advocacy program. that means, when i take a client's case, i am there with them for as far as they decide to go. that sometimes means simple support and answering questions. other times it means navigating them through the system, be it dealing with medical issues, physical and/or mental health issues, and, if it comes to that, sitting through them during a court case (that has yet to happen, at least for me). having gone through this myself, and steering others through it, i am well aware of the obstacles women go through to obtain anything resembling justice.

burden of proof is always on the victim and lawyers will serve their client without regard for the accuser. that means tearing her down, making her doubt herself, making it so hellish that she just wants to drop the charges. i hadn't even gotten to that level of "justice" when i tried to off myself...

yeah, i'm with you, let hope our laws change. let's hope that, after a women is violated once, she's not violated over and over by our laws, by the system, by friends, family, the cops, the doctors, strangers - because, in all too many cases, that is exactly what happens now. sadly, my advice, off the record, to anyone faced with the decision of whether to report a sex crime or not, is that it would be far easier not to, and that satisfaction, revenge, or justice are pipe dreams. *shrugs* mob rule, at times, is appealing to me. if someone were able to point at a guy and tell me, without doubt, without hesitation, that he her, i can easily imagine myself partaking in vigilantly justice. would i, if the opportunity actually presented itself? i honestly don't know, but the inclination would be there, certainly. the father who went after Nassar, the guy who sexually abused all those girl gymnists? i totally get that. was i a bailiff in that courtroom i probably would have had to take a moment to tie my shoe while it was going down before doing anything about it.

sorry to the OP for going slightly off subject, but this is part of the conversation that needs to be part of the original question, perhaps? if not, apologies all around.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Guest
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So the main topic is about violence, making it look sexy in some way,
and not about being violent during sexual acts, as the topic is literally stated?

Hmmm...Violence: the use of physical force so as to injure, abuse, damage, or destroy.

In either case I would say definitely NO.

The act of bill-boarding violence as a good, moral, or even as a sexy trait, should never be tolerated on any media source, or in private.
That would be an illogical, immoral, and unintelligent thing to do or promote.
Giving the impression to others, that because someone is sexy, then they are a good roll model to young adults or anyone,
it is then ok if they are violent, their immoral actions are ok, is basically just what an illiterate, immoral, or mentally ill person would feel or think.

If this topic was intended to be something regarding (Domineering Violent Behavior) during sex, or when with your Mistress/Master?
I would also say NO.

A sexual partner would get violence from me in return and maybe shot.
If with your Mistress/Master?... A really good DOMME isn't supposed to be violent, never was intended to be such,
but only to be Domineering, physically, mentally, and sexually, as your guide, and help you with your desires as you help her become a better Mistress.

I am only and truly free, when I am bound...NOT being violated.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by ivanka_simkiewisz

A sexual partner would get violence from me in return and maybe shot.
If with your Mistress/Master?... A really good DOMME isn't supposed to be violent, never was intended to be such,




true, but others not familiar with bdsm might, and do, look at certain practices as violent, regardless of whether or not they actually are - and if perpetrated on someone not willing, they would certainly constitute violent acts. choking or whipping, for example.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by LovingSadist


Some mental health professionals, like Dr. Drew, argue that all kink is abuse. He went so far as to say 50 Shades of Grey is tantamount to endorsing abuse against women.


50 shades is actually tantamount to endorsing abuse against literature.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Guest
Lurker
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My limits are always set by the sub I’m involved with. My feelings are, I want to go as far as she wants me to. Who am I to tell her what’s right and what’s wrong. I gravitate to extreme intense personalities, and women like that tend to have extreme intense fantasies. I think most, if not all, of the women I’ve engaged in this kind of play with would admit to probably using violent role plays as a means of coping with issues stemming from their abuse. I also don’t think any of them really cared that was the case. The truth about abuse is, once it happens, there is no going back. You’re forever changed. You can go to therapy and learn to live with the changes that were forced upon you, but you can’t be the person you would have been without the abuse. So, when people have made the argument to me that women who engage in more extreme BDSM dynamics are only doing so to cope with their own abuse, my response has been, “Thank God! Imagine what they’d be doing instead if they never found that outlet.”
Guest
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Quote by sprite


50 shades is actually tantamount to endorsing abuse against literature.


A-fucking-men
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by LovingSadist
My limits are always set by the sub I’m involved with. My feelings are, I want to go as far as she wants me to. Who am I to tell her what’s right and what’s wrong. I gravitate to extreme intense personalities, and women like that tend to have extreme intense fantasies. I think most, if not all, of the women I’ve engaged in this kind of play with would admit to probably using violent role plays as a means of coping with issues stemming from their abuse. I also don’t think any of them really cared that was the case. The truth about abuse is, once it happens, there is no going back. You’re forever changed. You can go to therapy and learn to live with the changes that were forced upon you, but you can’t be the person you would have been without the abuse. So, when people have made the argument to me that women who engage in more extreme BDSM dynamics are only doing so to cope with their own abuse, my response has been, “Thank God! Imagine what they’d be doing instead if they never found that outlet.”



*nods* this. you never put it behind you 100%. it's always going to be a part of you. you simply learn how to manage it better with time. it's the ultimate PTSD.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

PrincessC
Active Ink Slinger
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While it’s fundamental to the discussion of sexualising violence I do think we have to be careful to not suggest kinks are mostly a way of dealing with trauma or that they potentially are an indication of previous abuse. Not that that is being argued here but I just want to say I like incredibly dangerously rough sex and it’s not due to some latent trauma.

Kinks are strange, I think it’s okay to sexualise just about anything as long as no permanent harm is done and people consent. While they can be indicative they can also be impulsive in my opinion.
"A dirty book is rarely dusty"
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by PrincessC

While it’s fundamental to the discussion of sexualising violence I do think we have to be careful to not suggest kinks are mostly a way of dealing with trauma or that they potentially are an indication of previous abuse. Not that that is being argued here but I just want to say I like incredibly dangerously rough sex and it’s not due to some latent trauma.

Kinks are strange, I think it’s okay to sexualise just about anything as long as no permanent harm is done and people consent. While they can be indicative they can also be impulsive in my opinion.


my kinks actually have nothing to do with trauma. the traumatizing stuff is the stuff that isn't really a kink for me. i'm not into forced fantasies for instance, or choking - things like that. good post, Princess.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
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This is an interesting thread.

So is punishment in a D/s relationship a violent abuse, or is it filling a need within the sub? Does it simply come down to intent as much as consent?